The Raincloud and Their Eclipse(Dogpressed x Catfeine oneshots)

incorrect Quotes

Yay I'm bored

Dogpressed: Hey guys, today Catfeine pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put them down.
Dogpressed: The benefits of killing them are that I would get pushed way less.

Dogpressed, answering the phone: Hello?
Catfeine: It's Catfeine.
Dogpressed: What did they do this time?
Catfeine: No, it's me, Catfeine. It's actually me.
Dogpressed: What did you do this time?

Catfeine: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year?
Dogpressed: If you say me, I swear I'll-
Catfeine: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!

Dogpressed: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*
Catfeine: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?
Dogpressed: I-
Dogpressed: I don't know the correct answer to that question.

Dogpressed: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.
Catfeine: Dogpressed, that's gay.
Dogpressed: We've been dating for 2 years-...

Catfeine: Hey Dogpressed?
Dogpressed: Yeah?
Catfeine: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Dogpressed:
Dogpressed: ...What.

Catfeine: Have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart?
Dogpressed: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It's 2am!
Catfeine: Mean...

Dogpressed: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.
Catfeine: If I was married to you I'd drink it.

*Catfeine comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Dogpressed's bedroom.*
Dogpressed: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
Catfeine: No thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend.
Catfeine: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*
Dogpressed: ...

Dogpressed: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.
Catfeine: Bro, relax it was just a dream.
Dogpressed: Huh, gay, I wouldn't fuck you.
Catfeine: You wouldn't?
Dogpressed: I mean, unless you want to-

Dogpressed: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Catfeine: I know. Whenever I'm near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Dogpressed: But you're always acting stupid?
Catfeine: ...
Catfeine: Yeah, don't think about that too hard.

Catfeine: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Dogpressed: Peonies, why?
Catfeine:
Dogpressed: Were you going to get me flowers?
Catfeine:
Dogpressed:
Catfeine: ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Dogpressed: I feel like doing something stupid.
Catfeine: I'm stupid, do me.

Catfeine: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Dogpressed: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Catfeine: That one. I want that one.

Dogpressed: The stars are so beautiful...
Catfeine: They're just giant balls of gas.
Dogpressed: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Catfeine: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Dogpressed: Oh...

Catfeine: Whaddya call a fish with no eyes?
Dogpressed, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Catfeine:
Catfeine: fsh

Dogpressed: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Catfeine: I wrote you a poem.
Dogpressed, already crying: You did?

Catfeine: So you like cats?
Dogpressed: Yeah.
Catfeine: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Catfeine, sweating: Dogpressed, there's something I need to ask you-
Dogpressed: Finally! You're proposing!
Catfeine: How'd you know?
Dogpressed: Catfeine, you've dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Dogpressed: I even picked it up once.

Catfeine: My hands are cold.
Dogpressed: Here, let me hold them.
Catfeine: My lips are cold too.
Dogpressed: *covers Catfeine's mouth with their hand*

That's all byebye