Drafts & Musings

Ａ Ｈｅａｒｔ ｏｆ Ｉｃｅ

From a young age, I never felt like I was freezing to the point where my teeth would chatter or I would feel the need to shiver.

I enjoyed the feeling of winter. It was when I felt the freest. It was almost as if I could drift away like a snowflake. However, my parents never understood that, no matter how hard I tried to explain it. The other kids would call me weird and a freak because I preferred not to wear a jacket or a hoodie to protect myself from the cold. But I embraced it, and little did I know that it was a sign of who I am—an Arcanus, a being that could control one of the elements at will.

Can you guess what mine is? It's water, but I can control its solid state over the liquid and gas. I don't know why, but I liked the idea of how ice could preserve life inside itself. A flower could live inside ice as if it were in the soil. Life can be preserved in something people thought was cold and ruthless. Upon my discovery of myself, my parents distanced themselves from me. My friends and pack were also disturbed by the Arcani.

It's hard to blame them because we had only recently begun to hear about them, and people didn't know if they were a gift or a curse. It became clear to me that my inability to communicate with my wolf was due to the Arcanus side taking over most of my wolf side. However, my senses are still heightened, just like an average wolf. My sense of smell, taste, sight, and touch all work normally, but I am unable to shift.

People, including wolves, tend to fear anything they don't understand. I was ostracized for possessing this power that was thrust upon me without my consent. Realizing that society would never accept me, I learned to live in isolation. I became accustomed to the absence of social interaction, whether it was on my birthday or any other day where no one acknowledged my existence. Being alone was my penance for having these abilities. Though, in hindsight, I would have preferred growing up feeling empty instead of being forced to do what he made me do.

In werewolf culture, a mate is someone who is destined to be with you for life and helps you become the best version of yourself through love and protection. Mine had a different way of expressing those qualities. Alpha Derrick was the spark that melted my frozen heart. I always hoped that my mate would accept me as I am, without fear or rejection. But what he did was far worse.

Derrick was the Alpha of the Vargyr Pack, which understandably instilled a sense of dread in me because I didn't match his ideal rank for a mate. However, when he finally came of age to find me, he looked into my eyes and took my hand—accepting me without hesitation. I couldn't believe it. I was overjoyed at the thought of belonging to someone who could love me unconditionally. My life suddenly didn't seem so bleak anymore. Until he asked that one question.

"Would you kill for me?" Derrick's voice was low and commanding as he posed the question, his eyes boring into mine with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. The pack watched in silent anticipation as I stood before them, unsure of what was to come.

Without a moment's hesitation, I answered with a single word that sealed my fate, "Yes."

A twisted smirk spread across Derrick's face as he turned away, the weight of my response settling heavily on my shoulders. Little did I know, on that fateful day, I had given away a piece of my soul.

The very next day, Derrick began training me in how to harness and control my powers. For so long, I had hidden my abilities, afraid of how people would react if they knew. But now, with another experienced Arcani by my side, I finally learned how to summon ice from the water particles in the air. With this power, I could defend and attack with ease. But it was my hidden ability that intrigued Derrick the most. With just a touch, I could freeze someone's entire body solid like a popsicle. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to have such power at my fingertips. I called it my special move—the cold snap. And with enough force behind it, the frozen victim could easily crumble. As I honed my skills and grew more comfortable with my abilities, I couldn't help but wonder why or what Derrick was training me for.