Between Reel and Reality (Lesbian Romance)

Chapter Twenty-Three: Pressure

"So, what? Are we supposed to keep ourselves hidden?" I survey Amel's face as my annoyance etches mine. "I don't know about you, but I'm not going on private dates for the rest of my life. I'm not walking around with NDAs in my Birkin. This secretive shit is tiring."

With a deep exhalation, Amel's chest heaves. They assume an upright position and support their back against the headboard we were just rocking. "We don't have to be in hiding forever, boo, but I gotta feel confident that you can handle that pressure. After last time—"

After last time? After fucking last time? I eject myself from the bed and trot to my robe. I fasten the luxurious fabric around my naked body. Amel's lips seal together, and their hands clasp as if they're seeking patience. I scoff at them, unsure if I can articulate my thoughts without coming across as overly dramatic. I haven't had a meltdown since we've been back together. I've upped my appointments with my psychotherapist as soon as we made it official, striving to lessen the chances of exploding. I've been proving myself as stable, as rational, as capable of not being jealous or accusatory, and yet, they're bringing up old shit that they claimed they were over.

Crossing my arms, I maintain a distance from the bed. "You said you wouldn't bring up what happened in the past," I say as measuredly as possible.

Tension tightens the creases of their powerfully built shoulders. Their jaw unlatches before I can ask them why the fuck they aren't responding to me. "I'm not bringing things up to slight you," they say. Their gaze is as powerful as the blazing fire within me. "Several factors influenced our breakup. Some were on my account, some on yours, and others were from the people around us. If it weren't for the media concocting stories and Sydney relaying the bullshit to you, maybe we wouldn't have ended so catastrophically."

"Perhaps we wouldn't have, or perhaps we would've. There are a lot of gray areas when it comes to mental illness, Amel. I need you to believe in my ability to handle challenges differently now than I did in the past."

"I believe that, boo. That's not my point. You're focused on telling the world about us when you haven't even told Syd."

"Well, obviously, if I'm going to detail our relationship with the world, then I have to inform my manager first. Why are you even mentioning Syd?"

"Ci," they say sharply, "don't use that patronizing tone with me." They glance away from me with an eye roll. "I'm bringing up Syd because I know she'll pull her dreads out when she finds out we're together. Just like you're not willing to carry NDAs in your Birkin, I'm not willing for my woman to be connected to someone who has constantly tried to sabotage our relationship."

Amel blows air out of their nose as they face me again. With gentle movements of their hands, they continue to express themself. "If you desire to make our connection official to the public, I'm cool with that. I'd fucking love for every motherfucker breathing to know that I have someone as gorgeous, talented, and charismatic as you on my arm. But it's going to come with sacrifice. If Syd cannot get with our agenda, you gotta drop her as a friend and a manager. If you don't, all this glorious love we've rekindled will be destroyed. That's the pressure that I'm worried about you handling. I trust you don't give a damn what random people or blogs say anymore. But one of your best friends, I'm not sure. Conflicting information between a friend and a lover can get anyone off-balance."

Though spoken tenderly, their words land like tiny, unyielding bricks of truth, each leaving its mark. The force destabilizes me. I perch myself on the edge of the bed, wrapping my arms tightly around myself until another set of arms envelops me. Amel draws me into their solid embrace, their lips brushing gently against the top of my head. As for telling Syd about Amel and me reuniting, it's a conversation I've been avoiding because I wholeheartedly agree with my partner. Leaving a decade-long friendship in my rearview mirror will be tougher than navigating LA's rush-hour traffic, but if Syd can't accept Amel and I's relationship, she'll have to take the nearest exit out of my life.