ᴡɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇ •ꜰ.ᴏᴅᴀɪʀ•

ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛᴠ?

weeks have passed and i was back to how i was, the leaves have almost completely fallen off the trees and the snow has begun to fall, winter has arrived and my tour was starting in two days. every inch of my body was dreading the start of my victory tour. i sit on the couch in our living room nervously biting my nails and shaking my leg waiting for my mother to get home from the store. i have basically had the house to myself due to my mother always shopping and my brother going out into the woods. 

i haven't told them about why snow met with me yet, although i told fitz. his reaction was the opposite of finnicks, he started to kick things over while cussing that the whole thing was fucked up. he told me that i should tell my mother before she sees on tv what i will be up to while i was in the capitol. when i realized he was talking from experience is when i started to feel angry myself. that was why fitz was always in the capitol up until a few years ago when he kind of became secluded to district nine only for the games every year.

it felt like hours passed as i sat on the couch, the only thing that broke my blank stare at the ground was my brother coming through the door slamming down his bags. i must have been sitting in the same spot all day, anxiously thinking about my new deal with snow, since i came downstairs before he went to school. 

"you're still sitting there? verena, please tell me you have gotten up." stiles speaks up as he comes around the corner to see me, i look up at him and i didn't even have to answer him, my eyes had bags under them and there were knots in my hair from laying down all day. "listen, i know i will never understand what you are going through. but you need to pull yourself together, you have just been rotting away and when i thought you were getting better, you just got worse. i'm worried about you and so is mom."

"what am i supposed to do?" i ask running my hand through my hair trying to get the knots out.

"i don't know, something." he sighed dropping his hands by his side

"yeah, i'll get right on that." i roll my eyes and roll over laying down. i instantly regret getting an attitude towards him when he is only trying to help me so i get back up "i'm sorry, okay. i'm not trying to be rude, it's just... what's the point? my life was taken the minute my name was pulled from that bowl."

"what's that mean?" he furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion.

"my life isn't mine anymore. every move i make is being watched, every decision is being made without me. i just feel so out of control." i sigh as i fight tears from falling.

"well take some control back." he gives me a small smile before patting me on my back. it felt weird to be getting advice from stiles, i was always the one giving advice. but he was completely right, i have been sitting here for months wallowing around basically sitting here frozen in time. i have been in here hiding from everything and i don't want to do it anymore. i may not be able to control my life in the capitol but i can have some control here and i can do that by talking to kati. i immediately get up and head for my room.

i quickly jump in the shower and comb the knots out of my hair. i threw on the some clothes and a coat and started to head for the door. i told stiles where i was going and thanked him for the advice before i walked out of the house and started to make my way down the road towards our old neighborhood and before i could get ten feet from our house i hear the front door open and i see stiles walking out of it. 

"can i come with you?" he asked me putting his coat on and walking down the stairs i nod my head and we both head down the road. it was quite at first, until he spoke up between us. "so, that boy you were with in the arena..." he trails off trying to think of his name.

"walden." i simply say dropping my head slightly but i quickly straighten back up trying to shake the grief. i try to avoid thinking about him because if i do then i am reminded of us splitting up and then him getting killed by drake. anytime i think about it, i feel immediate regret for not sticking with walden, i could've have taken out the careers and let him kill me so he could go home.