Jeongyeon, a girl full of a thousand problems, finally meets her soulmate. But confessing won't be so easy, especially since it's her straight best friend; and then... Jeongyeon can't distinguish love from friendship. She just wished that her feelin...
disclaimer: the first three chapters are introductory
some day in 2020
Jeongyeon closed her eyes as the lights in her room went off. Another long day was over and being able to rest her back on the soft mattress was certainly one of the best feelings she could experience, especially after having argued with her parents over a low grade. Jeongyeon had to be perfect, she couldn't fail to achieve excellence in school. Her bed began to move, here was the earthquake again. But her friends never heard it, her parents didn't know what she was referring to. How was it possible that she was the only one who felt the movement of the earth below? It was one day that she realized there was no earthquake; it wasn't the earth that was shaking, it was her body. She turned on her side simply waiting to be able to sleep, now almost no longer paying attention to her umpteenth panic attack, not because she didn't notice it or it didn't bother her, but because she couldn't continue to stay awake due to that phenomenon that so much she hated. The next day she had to go to school, she had a test, she couldn't risk not sleeping and arriving there exhausted. And so between the trembling of her body and the tachycardia, she finally ended up falling asleep, even if she herself didn't know when. She often had the problem of being about to fall asleep but suddenly drifting off. But no one knew this.
The next morning she woke up at seven as usual. By now it was her vital clock that made her get up, she didn't even need the alarm clock, which was very good because she felt anxious every time she set it and in the end she never managed to sleep. She washed and dressed, then left the house with her earphones in and the music turned down for fear that others might hear what she was listening to. The school was about ten minutes from her house and by now it was her habit to understand what song had started and imagine its continuation in her head, given that the volume was really too low compared to the noise of the city. She arrived in front of the building where she spent most of her time and there she saw her best friend waiting for her.
-Wow, you're two minutes early today.
-As if I wasn't usually the one waiting for you.
Jeongyeon smiled and Nayeon smiled back. Without even saying anything to each other they began to walk towards the entrance of that boring building that people used to even mistake for a hospital or a mental one.
-Shall we go out tonight?- Nayeon asked.
Jeongyeon hated telling lies but her position wasn't the best. She and Nayeon had been best friends since kindergarten, when Nayeon was three and Jeongyeon was two. Despite the one year difference, Jeongyeon had gone to Nayeon's class and the families had met at a few birthday parties, plus they also lived quite close. However, suddenly Ms. Yoo's presence in her daughter's life began to bother her and she told her that she would rather they not see each other. She didn't forbid them to be friends, but she preferred that Jeongyeon didn't set foot in Im's house, also because of the heavy quarrel between the Yoo family and Im, and that Nayeon didn't set foot in their house. What teenagers sometimes have to suffer from adults.
-Yes, what time?
At first Jeongyeon used to lie, saying she was busy and so on, then everything started to change and she started wondering if it was worth it to lie to her best friend just because her mother had argued with Mrs. Im. It's not like Nayeon had anything to do with it, she was a good girl, she was funny, she was kind, she was perfect.
-At seven?
-Okay.
They entered the classroom, they were class mates, and they sat down, continuing to talk about this and that. When you've known someone for that long, conversations come out of nowhere and continue without any force.
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After a quick lunch, Jeongyeon went straight to studying. Many of her peers preferred to study on Sunday, but she did it on both Saturday and Sunday. Her parents had high expectations on her, but her expectations of herself began to become increasingly harsh, to the point that at her first failure she did not return home for fear of her mother's reaction and because she felt like a failure. From then on, her biggest problem no longer turned out to be her mother, but rather herself. She inflicted punishments on herself if she didn't get the best score and she did everything to be perfect, but something always went wrong. When she didn't get a grade she liked she would come home all sad and instead of finding comfort, her mother would do nothing but yell at her to stop looking sad and they always ended up arguing and poor Jeongyeon cried. And this would continue for another two years. She hated herself, but the worst was yet to come, it's only 2020. Poor Jeongyeon had to understand that in reality it wasn't herself she hated, but the people who made her believe she wasn't enough, that she was wrong, and this would soon lead her to her ruin.
