Futility [girlxgirl]

Family Dinner

I twist the doorknob to my house without success. I drop the books from my arms and pound on the door, "Mom!"

I hear her feet shuffling on the floorboards. The door swings open with a breeze of hot, which fails to seep through my thin jacket, and burns my frozen cheeks.

"Sorry honey, I was just finishing up some ironing for your father and the time got away from me. How was school?" she asks.

"Good," I say with a plastered smile, walking past her and up to my bedroom.

•••

I'm called down for dinner, which I only attend still in support of my grappling mother, who fights to keep our family perfect.

We sit in silence, me, my mother, my father (who enters late), and my two younger sisters. They say something about the president, and an on switch flips in my father's throat.

On and on I sit, trying to explain my side of thinking, shut down over and over again. I don't know why I even try anymore. Society has taught me to overthink. I overthink as a girl. Everything. Which leads to doubt. Doubt my father has never been taught to have.

Tears well in my eyes, I resist. My lip quivers as I ask to be excused from the table.