The secret I can't ever tell- Ereri

Chapter 4

Eren's p.o.v

A few months past since I told Jean about my past, my mistakes.

--

I was walking home from work, it was quiet. Then there in front of me was Levi again.

"Oh Levi hi?" I spoke.

"Hey kid, I forgot to mention this last time I saw you. Why'd you cut all your hair off?" He asked.

"Oh em I wanted a completely new change..." I blushed and laughed. "do you think it's bad?"

"No I just think you suited your long hair, especially when it was at your ass. you've changed a lot eren."

"I just wanted a change-"

"Oi Levi!" Someone called. I looked to see a blonde man.

"Oh eren this Erwin my husband. Erwin this is eren me and her used to date."

"Her? Looks like a guy." He smirked.

"That's because she cut of her hair. right eren?" Levi asked.

"Actually.... I had a sex change 12 years ago..." I put my head down.

--

Flashback. 13 years. The break up.

--

Eren's p.o.v

I've even having this feeling for a while now. I know I was born a girl but I feel destined to be a guy.. Levi is probably gonna kill me, but it's my choose.

"Hey Levi can I talk to you?" I sat down on the couch.

"Of course, what is it?" He replied while watching the TV.

"I've been thinking about something for a while now.."

"What? You gonna propose?" He laughed.

"Em no, but something will happen.." I lowered my head.

"What's that?"

"I'm gonna change.." I spoke.

"What? You don't need to change your fine the way you are." he smiled.

"But I don't feel it, I'm gonna change no matter what."

"What are you talking about eren?" He fiddled with my hair.

"I'm going to have a sex change." I said it. He starred at his hand that had my hair in it for moments.

"I-I'm sorry what did you say?!" He snapped in a calm manner.

"Don't make me repeat it Levi- it'll happen-"

"Why eren!! What's your with the way you are! You don't need to change." he yelled and got up irritated. I got up and stood in front of him.

"but I do! I don't feel the same this way! I was born into the wrong body!" I yelled back.

"Well if you do change, don't expect me to be there." he folded his arms.

"So that's it is it? If I can't be happy for what I believe I'm destined to be, I can't be with you?"

"I won't become a poof, you can or whatever, but I'm done if you do." he walked out.

"Fine then!!" I yelled after him, then I heard the door slam.

That was the last I saw of him..

--Few weeks later.

I went in for my doctors appointment for my operation.

We talked about the advantages and disadvantages and the dangers that can occur.

"Right ms jaeger we got your blood work back and everything's ok-" he paused while looking in me folded.

"Is there a problem?" I asked.

"We can't give you the operation for another 7 months." he spoke with a smile.

"What? Whys that?"

"You didn't know?" I shook my head. "oh well ms your 3 months pregnant." he smiled.

I feel back in my seat. I'm pregnant...how did I not know?

"It says that your blood is positive and that your pregnant. congratulations."

"Em thank you..."

I walked home totally shocked. I'm pregnant, well I don't know what I'm going to do now. should I tell Levi? No. I won't. he won't care, he didn't even like my decisions in life.

All the way during the pregnancy I kept it a secret as well as I could, I barely left the house and hardly made contact with anyone. I was having a boy, in a few weeks.

-Due date

On a normal day I was alone in my apartment, then I started to get incredible stomach pain. no one to help. "fuck hell. oh god the pain!" I snapped.

"Why would people go through this pain." I breathed heavily. I grabbed my phone and tried to call my friends mikasa. But then I stopped, she doesn't know I'm pregnant, nobody does, I can't call anyone it would be a shock. Fuck it I'll call an ambulance.

They came quick and took my to the hospital. I was in labour for about 4 hours, until they decided to give me a c-section. soon after there was a new born baby boy.

I held that baby in my arms the hole time I was in the hospital. I took him home, I called him kaname.

The weeks past and I spent it as a mother, but I wasn't the same, I came down with postpartum depression.

Three weeks after kaname was born. I woke up crying and panicking in the night. Kaname was crying in his crib next to me aswell.

"Please please don't cry." I cried as well and picked him up to make him stop. I looked at his little face calmly. "you need someone better then me..I'm not a good mother.." In the corner of my eye I saw his blanket. I wrapped him up and cradled him. I put on a coat and walked out the house, I took his bassinet too.

It was like 11 at night, I shouldn't be out in this state. a few people looked at me, but I ignored.

Then I just stopped, I saw a house, the living room light was on and it looked like a nice couple. I looked down at him in his basket. "mommies got to go now, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you." I kissed his head and set him down. I took one last look at him before knocking on the door, then I ran. I didn't stop, I didn't look back, I didn't have the heart.

I soon was given my operation and I was a man at last, I went about doing my normal life. My family and friends were supportive but they still don't know my secret..

- end of flashback -

"So you went ahead and did it then?" Levi spoke.

"Em yeah, wait didn't you say you'd never be gay?" I raised my eyebrows.

"People change eren." he looked away.

"Okay.. Em would uses two like to have dinner with me and my partner sometime?" I asked out of the blue for some reason.

"Sure, we are free tomorrow." Erwin answered.

"Okay come to mine at 8, Levi you know where that is.." he smiled.

"Yeah I do, now let's go Erwin." he walked away.

"Goodbye..levi." I said under my breath.

Better go home and tell Jean.