On His Knees: Regretful ex-Husband

Chapter 5

"The man is in shock! Do you think he needs this bullshit you are thinking of giving him? You are shi**ng me? Look, doctor, you need to release him. I am going to be responsible for him, okay? You can put my fu**ng name anywhere you want, but you need to release him!" Mason says, with a voice filled with urgency. The middle-aged doctor clears his throat and responds.

"Detective, I would thank you if you would abstain yourself from cursing in my presence. I know he is your friend and I am aware of all the situations he's been through, but he is not answering to anything we've tried till now. He's been silent and irresponsive for one week. He doesn't want to talk or to eat. I can't release him in these conditions," his voice turns more gentle, "I am very sorry for everything... for his mother. But, if we can't make him react, I will be forced to send him to a place where he will receive better treatment."

At this moment, Mason starts to curse even more profusely and the good doctor just closes his eyes in patience, knowing he is just concerned for his friend.

- INSIDE NICHOLAS'S ROOM -

"Look here, you bastard, you better start to react, do you hear me? You better start to react, or you are going to be sorry for this, do you hear me, NICHOLAS?!" Mason yells, but I can't seen to care for anything he is saying.

"Do you think you are going to solve anything by going crazy, you mother***? DO YOU? Nicholas, for god's sake, they are going to send you to another place that even I can't take you out, man. They are already talking about your position of CEO, man. Are you hearing ME? You are going to be disposed of your position! And you can't even look at me, you....?" Mason swears for long moments, passing through the room in agitation.

I can't be bothered to care. I can't be bothered to follow. Do they want to take me to some crazy people's place? That's okay. Do they want to take my business from me? They can have IT. THEY CAN HAVE ALL OF IT!

I've lost Rebecca. My wife, my woman, my friend. I've lost her. There is no way I can take back everything I've done to her. I humiliated her. I've dragged her by force in front of everyone. I've pushed her to the ground. I've kicked her out of our home. I've believed that horrible woman. I've believed her lies. I've divorced my beautiful wife, the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I've destroyed it. I've destroyed the best part of my life.

They can have everything they want. I don't care. I don't care. If they want, they can take my life too. I don't care anymore.

I close my eyes and go back to oblivion.

I wake up with a startle, someone is grabbing me by the lap of my hospital clothes and, when I open my eyes I see Mason's face contorted with absolute fury, and he is shaking me with all his force.

"Look here you mother***, you better get your shit straight or you are going to regret more than you are doing right now, do you hear me? Stop feeling sorry for yourself you son of a bi***! Don't you think your wife deserves at last an apology from YOU? She deserves more than your sorry ass chained in this hospital bed, without hearing how you were a dumb ass Fu***! She deserves to see your dumb-ass self crawling on her feet, asking for forgiveness. She deserves better than you killing yourself here, without giving her the apologies she deserves or solving the situation with your crazy ass mother!"

He breaths on my face.

"You are going to show the doctors you are getting better. You are going to work to finalize this investigation. We are going to get that woman locked down. You are going to go to your wife to ask for her forgiveness, even if she is not willing to give IT. You have no right to be here feeling sorry for yourself, while your wife is the major victim in this situation! This is not about you Nicholas! This is NOT about you! This is about doing right by Rebecca, even if she is not willing to take you back, she deserves justice! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to think, for once, about Rebecca!"

I look into my friend's eyes and start to understand the reasoning behind his words. Even now, I'm being egoist. Rebecca probably will never take me back, but she deserves all the groveling, all the words, the apologies, the justice I can give her. Even if it kills me, I am giving this to her!

Everything that happened till now, all this tragic situation, happened because I was thinking just about ME. My feelings, my hurt, my pride, my rights, my needs. Everything was about ME! All my reactions were for MY feeling only, and not for Rebecca. Not once I think about her needs, her suffering, her humiliation. Even now, feeling like a sick dog in this hospital, I am thinking just about ME.

"Even if your wife doesn't want to have anything to do with you, - Mason continues saying - she deserves this situation solved. She deserves that woman locked out. She deserves to feel safe, to see justice, understand?" He insists, shaking me even more.

I don't deserve Rebecca. I don't deserve her forgiveness. But she deserves to have closure for this nightmare. She deserves to know that, that woman is paying for her crimes.

She deserves to know how sorry I am, even if I mean shi*** to her. She deserves to know how I can't stand to be in my own skin for the crimes I committed against her. After long minutes of a staring battle between us, I whisper, almost not recognizing my own voice:

"Okay, Mason.... You are right. I am.. I am going to do it for... Rebecca. I need you to do me a favor."

- THE MOTHER -

I am looking in the eyes of the woman who gave me birth. The woman that once I trusted with my own life. The woman I thought loved me. And now I discover she is a monster. A fu*** monster!

She is returning my stare without blinking, with pure confidence and without a hint of apprehension. She looks very sure of herself. I just have one question for her:

"Why?" She smiles at me, raises an eyebrow and says:

"Why do you think?"

"Just answer the DAMN question, madam!" I shout.

She shakes her head with a displeased expression.

"Nicholas, I don't like to be shouted at. But if you insist on knowing... I am responsible for this legacy, Nicholas, maybe you don't know how important our family is! Since your father passed... the poor fool, I am making sure that everything is how it should be. I will do whatever it is necessary to make sure our family business and name will be always on top. You choose a little nobody, without class, manners, without a name, to be your wife! I don't know what came over you, honestly, Nicholas." She sighs with impatience.

"So, I did what was best for you. It was so easy, you won't believe it. You should be thankful, darling. The girl is gone, thank God."

I stare at her in disbelief. She really believes in everything she is saying. This woman is crazy out of her mind. I don't know if I should feel rage, despair, or panic. How on earth I've never seen her for what she really was? My God, what did I do to Rebecca?

"You shouldn't look at me like this, Nicholas. I am your mother, I do what's best for you, always. Besides, honey... You are just like me. You got rid of that thing soon enough, didn't you?"

I feel bile rising in my gut with the words she is saying. The unbelievable truth of her words kills me inside.

"Nicholas, this is how it needs to be. We cannot have someone weak person bringing us down. So, we get rid of them. You did good, my dear." I raise myself, almost getting sick right at that moment. How will I repair this?HOW?

I leave the room with a sense of absolute defeat. I am a man without absolution. I pass through the people who were in the next room and go directly to Mason. "Is it enough?" I ask him.

"Yes." He answers.

Good.