Realisations : Anandita SS

1: Fragments of past

Calcutta , 1926

Her hands still clutched that letter , it's writing was slowly fading away leaving behind a traces of self doubt & fear for her fragile heart . Maybe years ticked away even places were also changed but if something never changed was her pain , each moment it felt like a reminder about a vision of future & mistakes of past and it kept her moving little hope which was ignited within her , died down years ago never to revive again . To be with him but still she didn't has right to fall in love with him only man who owns her heart .

With slow steps she walked through crowded ganga ghats , shakha Pola adorned in her wrist & red sindoor smeared upon her hairline were not just married signs in reality they were reminder of that dreadful night which she lived but remembered nothing , and her fate was sealed a transition from bondita das to bondita roy Chaudhary  was never a easy one it has own pains & gains . No matter how dark were nights but bondita knew her pati Babu will always be there like a beacon of hope & a achor he was always and will be there for her .
But how can she forgot that night when he walked with another wife maybe it was a ruse to get her on right path , that particular view was painted even a mere thought that her pati Babu was like other man scared her and later she realised in quest of giving her wings he lost himself in web of responsibility and it never let her in peace .

But why only marriage ?

This question never left her whenever those traumatic memories resurfaced within bondita she always thought that why her pati Babu choose such extreme step that it damaged both of them .
After manorma exit he explained her that it was a step he took for her future , it's not like that they were still in same phase no both of them  overcome it acknowledging their mistakes .
And on that day realisation dawned upon bondita that her pati Babu can go to any length for her well being even he can act against his principles .
But she never dared to ask him because she was afraid of his  answers , she had seen him repent , weeping silently in his study but never she had enough courage to comfort him because bondita was herself broken , both were burning in same flames.

Now after moving to Calcutta for her higher studies she witnessed different shades of her pati Babu at each instance he cleared that how much he values her , but they never talked about the most darkest phase of their life . Those scars were overshadowed within the layers of their relationship , and bondita saw him new light not as a shikshak Babu , or pati Babu but just an individual as a twenty years man who was love in with his childhood friend perhaps even dreamed off whole life but on same night he married her , a helpless girl and fought with everyone just to give her wings amid the uncertainty of his own future he ensured that she might not get deprived of anything . No man can be like him so much sacrifices but still a smile upon his face and in that process he too lost many relationships . In those sacred flames of marriage he sacrificed his every wish and since then he was just her pati Babu , nothing else .

Surely she was hurt during his second marriage but was it easy for her pati Babu to goes against his own principles , to talk about that how much polygamy is wrong only to be forced for it after few days . No it was never easy for him to bought another wife , there were many people whom bondita would confide but he had none but still he took every blame upon him just so that she can fly , and bondita knew he was still suffering .

She was like a lost sea amid shackles of society but he was her guiding light who always embraced her with so much care & affection . Bondita knew no matter how high will be the waves he will be always be there to sail her , because no one loved her like him .

At the end he was her sansar
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"Pati Babu coffee "

Anirudh felt his sanity returning back it was always a solace to listen her voice .
"Thank you bondita it was much needed "

"But why are you awake it's already midnight bondita you should sleep "

"Because I don't want to now tell me why are so stressed pati Babu "

"I am working upon a women case bondita she is victim of polygamy so just trying to provide her justice " The moment words slipped out anirudh regretted instantly as dread crept up through bondita face , and all memories came crashing down , with just one line hidden wounds resurfaced while looking of her eyes told him how must be she feeling being victim of same thing in past it's not easy to face it yet again present . Anirudh knew gravity of his mistakes never for once guilt left him he never talked with bondita but it was like a invincible burden he felt so helpless each time that night resurfaced when he intentionally became the reason of his bondita sufferings same girl for whom he claimed to be a protector . 
He knew bondita was suffering due to his one unjustified decision she was subjected to so much pain but not anymore she deserves to know truth that what comples her pati Babu to take such extreme step .

Bondita knew it was not right to stay in same room with him it might trigger her insecurities and she was afraid of herself so but as she turned to leave his cold fingers gripped her wrist.
"Pls stay bondita tonight I want to answer your every question but pls don't turn your back to me "
It seems he was asking not for tonight but for whole life and how can she say no to him with that helpless tear string eyes.
Anirudh sat on his knees clasping their hands together maybe trying to gather much needed courage because night was going to be so harsh upon them and he didn't even know if bondita will forgive him or not .

"I know bondita we never discussed this topic in much detail but now I want to share everything to you "
Anirudh took deep breathe hold around her hands tightened , and she could feel his difficult it was for him to revisit all memories yet again .

"Bondita the definition of husband wife relationship in society is quite different and as you were growing up their expectations were also changing it was not simple as it used to be "
She knew that he was  talking about physical aspect of marriage something which they still lacked or maybe they will never have in future. A gnawing sense of guilt slashed through her that how helpless her pati Babu would felt at that moment when she was asking about those rights without even knowing their rea meaning .

"It was first time bondita that you didn't listen to me you stood against your pati Babu and that breaks me but still I tried to explain you but nothing works words of society felt so right to you that even my words holds no value for you bondita "
His voice was shivering as anirudh own insecurity was slipping away and at that vary moment she saw fear in his eyes, fear of loosing her in the web of baseless customs & expectation and she did every possible thing to make him more insecure.

"But why did you marry her pati Babu , i always thought what if you figure out some other but why this one ?"

"When you were about to fall from that hill bondita it broke my last thread of patience the thought that you can even risk your life for me I got scared to loose you and then I took drastic step of marrying Manorama ."
Anirudh felt his words stabbing him even now thinking now about it felt so wrong but the girl standing beside him had faced it . He knew what he did was unforgivable no matter how much justification he will have but it can't be denied that he wronged his wife .

Having feelings for Manorama was one mistake and marrying her was another one but his both mistakes cost so much for bondita just within one day she saw her little world uprooted by her bhagwan .
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It will be a short story mainly of five six parts that how both anirudh & bondita accept each other as husband wife clearing every layers of insecurity . So vote & comment if you like the story