Realisations : Anandita SS

2: Strings of destiny

As the thread of recollection tore him away , weigh of guilt became unbearable he felt like betraying bondita even for a split seconds but he thought about some other woman , and that feeling never left him maybe she forgive him or now they were moved on but still a feeling of regret was there as a reminder that he did wrong , whenever he looked at those eyes it felt like he was burning in pain which he himself inflicted upon her .

Anirudh knew she had several questions which may get lost with her own self buried beneath the sheets of fear .
Fear of losing her pati Babu
And he was the reason behind it as she was growing there was a also a sense of longing in her , not just a emotional attachment as she had as a child but a wish to be acknowledged as his wife in every sense .
But the trauma never let her to demand her rights or even express her wish which was rightfully was always her , in past he was against in giving those rights because she was too young for such things but subconsciously the day he accepted her as wife he knew no woman apart from her had that right to be with him but now she deserved them not that physical intimacy but a sense of assurance that she will be a only a woman to adress him as pati Babu .

His life was mess  before bondita like a scattered ruins but she tied all threads together amid his own uncertainties anirudh knew she was there always because bondita was not only his wife but a home where he wants to return after every battle just to be with her .

"I tried pati Babu to grab in your attention even after you married her to prove the world that still you only loves only to humiliate at each step , a small smile escaped through her tears and he felt as if yet again they were living in same phase .
"I even don't know what those rights meant just wanted to be with you forever but society made me a target of their own enjoyment and I was stupid enough to think that you were wrong "
Tears spilled from bondita eyes & she felt his hands brushed against her skin wiping those tear and it felt so serene as if he was not only wiping her tears but all her worries .

"I knew words will not be enough still I am sorry bondita that you suffered all because me " His gaze was casted down and hold upon her hand got tightened pulling her towards himself , like he was washing every line between them ."
"I understand pati Babu that you didn't it for me but whenever I got reminded of that night I secretly wish that what if you had choosen some other way."
Her lips were quivering it was so painful even to think about those days when she was alone shedding tears , drenching in whirlpool of sorrow and her pati Babu was not there to wipe them . All accusations , mockings & harsh words felt like a stab and in those dark days she just wanted to be with him , with each passing day her hopes were crushed beneath his facade .

"I was afraid for this same thing bondita after your first period everything got changed just within the matter of few days you were no more a little girl  but they wanted a wife who can bear a child , and I even can't think of you like that even in dreams it was a sin , my affection & care misinterpreted as love I felt so alone not because no one is believing me but my bondita was also against me "

Guilt crept up in bondita she behaved so indifferent in those days and how he was living , trust which she claims to have upon him seems to tearing apart because her vision was clouded by the expectations of being a good wife , and that's the reason bondita felt that she was also responsible for her pati Babu decision somewhere she only pushed him to take such extreme step.

"There is something more you need to know " Bondita saw a strange fear in his eyes as his grip tightened more entwining their fingers .
"I was attracted to Manorama "

Attraction,she knew what it meant the vary same flame in which she was burning years ago with the look on his face bondita understood that those words holds so much depth as his eyes were casted down and instantly her grip loosened it felt like a maze in which she was drowning a new fear enveloped her .

"Please listen to me once " his voice had desperation and it made her stay finally after years they were sharing their thoughts on that particular phase and she wanted to give it a closure . So bondita sat there to listen his side of story maybe to unravel this hidden side of him .

"I meet Manorama in village during our stay and she offered me a mission and I agreed for your fees and with time I found myself drawn towards her but bondita it was just a stupid mistake once she offered me a marriage but I rejected it and then everything was ended bondita afterwards it was always you ." Anirudh knew her eyes reflected his every word and he could sense a feeling of betrayal flowing through them .

Betrayed

At that vary moment bondita felt same she felt as if person sitting with her was not her pati Babu but the individual who sacrificed his childhood love back then she was too young to understood such things and it made her more guilty , that yet again she became the reason for another sacrifice.

Weaving through the tapestry of life bondita knew there were certain wishes which he never acknowledged, not even allowed to share them with her because he was shouldering her responsibility yes he did wrong , she can never forget his second marriage and now that he was also attracted to Manorama made her more sad but she can't overlooked the fact that he is also human maybe at some point of life he took desired a normal life for himself . A life where he didn't need to think twice for glancing his own wife .

"But why you lied to me pati Babu "

"Because you was too young bondita and was already going through so much but now you are mature enough to understand then so it's upto you to decide whether to give us a chance or not "

"No matter bondita where I struck at the end you are my home where I want to return the feeling of belonging which i felt with you it is way too strong infront of such futile attractions ."

"Because only you will be my wife bondita always .

Bondita could see how much depth his words holds as he once again entwined their fingers they both made mistakes but it will be another mistake to let each burn in pyre of regret for whole life .

"I choose to forgive you pati Babu because we don't deserve to burn in those memories for lifetime ."

Because  she is his wife only girl to have a key of his heart now finally they both were out from that darkness of night .

She will be his wife ....

Always