Argylle: Back To You • Aidan & Elly

Chapter 7

Rachel / Elly

Someone once told me that if I really want to hurt someone, I have to do it when they are overcome with a sense of security and happiness. Because as long as he's on the battlefield, one part of him is ready to die and the other part is ready to fight. I knew this more than well when I was doing the job I was doing, living with the risk of death every day.

But today, at this very moment, I finally understood the part about hurting someone who was happy and felt safe. I wasn't ready to fight, and I certainly wasn't ready to die. I was paralyzed by another feeling - fear.

I closed my eyes. My mind took me back to the events of the last few weeks...

###

I was lying in bed, my eyes closed, and I was sure I was smiling like an idiot in love. I couldn't help it. I could feel his touches on my naked body, and even though it was a fairly innocent caress, every touch he gave me still gave me a burning sensation on my skin. Until the bastard started tickling me.

"Hey!" I shouted in an unnaturally shrill tone of voice and opened my eyes. "I told you if you tickled me, I'd kick your ass!" I uttered threateningly.

Aidan laughed at that, even though he knew full well that I was capable of it. "You remember it..." he smiled. He looked so relaxed and happy. I could see it in his eyes, in the way he was smiling at me now. He stroked my cheek and I put my hand on his.

"Yeah... I remember..." I smiled.

My mind still wandered a lot in my memories, but every day I remembered something new. Almost anything could trigger my memories, it could be a debate, a smell, an event. I started to get used to both of my personalities as one person.

I had read all my Argyll books, after all, after all that had happened, I had a very different perception of things. I noted down every crumb that was based on something real in my life and then Aidan helped me clarify some other details. He didn't lie in that he knew me well. He was very helpful in all of this. Sometimes we would sit together for long hours by the fireplace and debate until dawn.

Of course, there was also a fair amount of fiction and purposeful alterations in my books, whether of events, places or people. But even so, there were enough clues and paths to my life in the books. At least as much as it suited Division to let it out into the world. Outside of that, of course, there were a lot of things missing.

For example my full story with Aidan, a relationship outside of our spy business. The relationship we stole together for us outside of everything that was going on. I felt that if I wrote it out, maybe I could anchor all my memories in the right places. So I started writing again.

But this time it wasn't another Argyll book. It was my story with Aidan. I didn't write it to be the next bestseller to hit the bookstore shelves. It was for him. For us. And even though he probably suspected I wasn't just writing another installment in my series, he didn't question it. Even though I was sure my smile while writing gave me away. With some memories, it couldn't be otherwise. I'd caught him watching me write a few times, and I was sure he'd kept me company with all my books as well, watching and protecting me from afar for the past few years.

I could often see the sadness in his expression at those moments, even though he tried to hide it. It was as if he could still only watch me through the image from the hidden camera and couldn't get close to me. Each time, I went to him just so I could kiss him or hug him. I couldn't help but think what it must have been like if he couldn't get close to me for five years. What I wouldn't give to be able to read his mind like an open book, too. It wasn't that we hadn't talked about it, but mostly he'd just told me that he missed me a lot, but it didn't matter now that I was finally back.

So I at least tried to make it up to him as best I could. Living in Elly's shoes had taught me some useful things I hadn't been able to do before. Like how to build a place to call home, how to be more caring, how to cook a pretty decent meal. And thanks to Rachel's part of her personality, he was able to have a different kind of fun, which often involved dancing, wine and sex. In varying order.

Aidan was definitely a champ at making me lose all inhibitions and dance crazily with him to some totally random song on the radio. I never had as much fun as I did with him, he managed to bring out the carefree side of me that would probably have remained deeply hidden without him. I think that was another of the many reasons I loved him.

"I get it now, I totally understand why Elly had such an aversion to dancing!" I squealed.

"Oh, yeah? Now I'm interested!" Aidal did a spin with me and grabbed me in his arms again, rocking us to the beat of the music.

"And isn't it obvious? It's like everything that's connected to you!" I said out loud, due to the music being maybe a little too loud. "I couldn't like dancing because I couldn't dance with anyone but you..." Aidan stopped dancing and gave me a long look. "You know, I'm not that much of a dancer lover like you, but I love to dance with you..." I added.

I barely had time to catch my breath before he started kissing me longingly. And it certainly didn't stop at kissing then.

"Tell me... what would you like to do next?"

"You mean, like, when I get enough energy to make love to you again?" Aidan asked with a teasing smile.

If I wasn't currently snuggled up on the pillow, I'd throw it at him, this way I just rolled my eyes, "I mean in the slightly larger time frame... if I'm going to continue to be Elly Conway, famous writer... there will come time for question who the man by her side is." Actually, that time has already come, because we've reached the stage where articles have been popping up on the internet asking who the mystery man by my side is. Fortunately, that doesn't mean I'm obligated to explain it to anyone, it's just that we still have to somehow continue to function outside of this house. I didn't really like the idea of both of us having fictional identities, but unfortunately that was kind of part of it all.

"Mmmm..."

"Mmmm?"

"Who do you think would be a good match for Elly Conway?"

"Elly apparently only attracts weirdos, so whatever." Aidan looked at me with that look on his face, his eyebrows raised, and it made me laugh. "I'm sorry, but you're really kind of goofy weirdo. But I say that with all my love." I uttered theatrically and had to laugh again at his expression.

"I'll show you how goofy weirdo I am..."

"Noooo! What did I tell you about the tickling!" Any seriousness in my words was lost in my laughter.

###

I opened my eyes.

I was once again brought back to the reality unfolding right in front of me.

This was bad, this was fucked up.

Shit!

How could I have missed it like that? How did I get into this situation?

Whether I wanted to or not, I'm still in the basement of my dream lake house right now. The house that was a trap I never saw from the beginning. It was so absurd, after everything that had happened, I shouldn't be surprised anymore. I had to start laughing. It was a defensive reaction because I couldn't think of anything clever.

I looked back at the steel bars that separated me from the way out. At the sound of them slamming shut, I knew this was going to be bad. Too late now to regret not having walked every inch of the house I thought I knew so well.

I looked down at the ground again.

Division had a fail-safe if they needed to get rid of me and all the evidence around me, a fucking bomb set in the ground under bulletproof glass. Under glass where I could watch every dead second on a timer that mercilessly counted down the time until this house blew up. And me along with it.