Argylle: Back To You • Aidan & Elly

Chapter 1

Elly

I unlocked the front door and walked into the house with Aidan. It had been home for me for the last five years, but now? I felt like I was walking into a stranger's house, but at the same time, I knew every corner of it.

Forty-eight hours had passed since our escape on the boat, during which time we'd sorted out everything we needed to. And all those hours before that, I don't even want to mention. Since boarding the train, my whole life had been turned upside down. Or has it fallen back into place? I couldn't decide. As soon as I could think in peace, I felt more than a little confused.

Alfie meowed in his backpack, reminding me. I took him into the kitchen, pulled him out, and got him a canned food and fresh water ready. He gratefully dug into his late dinner. Looking up, I noticed Aidan watching me silently. For some reason, his gaze gave me goosebumps.

"You really like that damn cat, don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah..." I nodded my head in agreement, and then realized I wasn't going to be a very good hostess. I didn't have visitors and paying attention to Alfie was a habit. "Would you like something?" Aidan shook his head and I thought: "You should take the medicine you got from the doctor."

Aidan snorted, reminding me of how dismissive he'd been about having someone look at him after everything that had happened in the last few days. Which Alfred had arranged for no one at the hospital to question the gunshot wound in his heart area. Which brought to mind the unwelcome memory that I was the one who shot him. Suddenly it seemed almost unbelievable, like a Rachel Kylle memory that didn't really concern me. Holding a gun in Elly Conway's skin, I'd probably collapse or throw up on the spot. Maybe both. And the fact that I felt like someone in between certainly didn't make me feel any better.

"I'm fine." He gave me a long look. His eternal eloquence would come in handy right about now to see what was going on in his head. It hadn't happened again since that kiss on the boat, once we switched into a mode where we weren't in danger, my mind switched to Elly for a change, the Elly who overanalyzed things within herself and who was too fucking scared to take the next step.

"I can cook something."

"You've never cooked before."

"I do now."

Aidan sighed a little, "Yeah, right... so if you want to..." he shrugged, still standing off to the side. He didn't sit down, and I got the impression that maybe he didn't want to be here.

I took a breath, wanting to say something, but I ended up heading to the fridge just so I wouldn't have to face that look from him. After a cursory inspection, there was nothing worth talking about. I'd used up most of the food before I left and planned on buying it when I got back. I closed the fridge, turned around and jerked in fright, Aidan standing right behind me. I put my hand on my chest and let out a sigh. He was really close, and I don't know why I felt caught off guard after all.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Why would I want you to leave?"

"Because I don't get the feeling you want me to stay." He was looking into my eyes and it made me nervous.

"It's not like that..." I said softly.

"So how is it?" His gaze traveled down to my lips and then back to my eyes. "Because your body is telling me you're damn nervous around me. And I don't know if in a good way..."

"And what do you want to hear?"

He smiled wryly at my question, "What do I want to hear? Well a couple of questions I have... at the very least, what do you want next? Like who did you invite me here, huh? As your friend? A partner? Or did you just think it was stupid to leave me standing on the street?" He studied my expression and seemed to struggle a little with the urge to touch me. "Or a better question, like who did you invite me here? Like Rachel? Or like Elly? I don't even know what kind of address you'd like to hear right now..." Those were a lot of questions even for me, and they were definitely more than appropriate. Instead of being able to give him a meaningful answer, I just stared at him like an idiot. He'd obviously been wanting to ask that for a while. What was worse, from the look on my face, he seemed to have gotten his answer without my words. "I'd better go..." he turned to leave so quickly that I blinked in surprise. I immediately took a step towards him and grabbed his hand. He looked at our hands and then at me.

"I don't want you to leave!" My voice sounded insistent enough that there was a slight surprise in his gaze as well. I swallowed. "I know I'm probably acting a little weird, but my head is a mess. I've spent the last few years making up fiction that ended up being largely reality, and even though a lot of memories have come back... it still seems so surreal... somehow I'm left standing somewhere... in between..."

Aidan looked like he knew I was going to say something like that and I just confirmed it. "I know..."

"I'm sorry." I felt the need to apologize to him for that, and somehow I felt like I wouldn't have said that before, because I wouldn't have acted like that before either.

Aidan shook his head, "Don't apologize. I suspected that even as Rachel, with your old memories, there was still a big piece of Elly... and that she wouldn't just disappear with a snap of a finger."

"Would you want her to disappear?"

He considered the answer for a moment before answering. He looked down at our hands again, still not letting go, and smiled a little, "I'd be lying if I told you now that I wouldn't want everything the way it was before the fucking accident... " he glared at me, "but the last five years since you've been Elly, I've kind of gotten to know her too, even if from a distance... and even if she annoyed me at times..." he shrugged, "I kind of like her... but I'm not sure she feels the same way."

"What makes you think Elly doesn't like you?" Talking about herself like that was weird at the very least, but this whole situation was strange. "Perhaps because she doesn't kiss you enough?" How on earth did I think of that? I could feel my cheeks flush red.

Aidan laughed at that, "among other things..." he glanced at me and added, "besides, Elly never kissed me, so that's a legitimate concern at the very least..." his voice sounded so pleasant.

It was actually nice how he was able to play this with me. I didn't quite know how to approach this situation of ours myself. How to talk about myself, how to talk about us. Nervousness came over me again, "Maybe he still needs to get to know you a little more," it came out.

I don't know if he wanted to say something else entirely, but in the end he just said, "okay... it'll be the way you want it..." he let go of my hand a little reluctantly, his voice didn't sound as relaxed anymore. I suddenly missed the way he held me. "If that's how you need it..."

"It should be the way you want it too..." He looked at me, but didn't say anything. "Or not?" I wanted him to say something in response.

"If it were the way I wanted it..." he ran the back of his hand up my arm, giving me goosebumps again, "I certainly wouldn't be talking to you in the kitchen right now... " the way he looked at me when he said that triggered a memory that just so happened to be taking place in the kitchen, or more accurately it was taking place on the kitchen counter and instead of words it was more like a lot of sighs, during our passionate lovemaking. The sudden memory and the sudden desire for him took me by surprise, it made absolutely no sense. Rachel wouldn't hesitate a second to repeat it and I got scared. I'm really not myself.

"I'mgoingtogogettheguestroomreadyforyou..." it came out of me, and at such a speed that the words almost slurred into one unintelligible sentence.

I can't tell you how quickly I disappeared from the kitchen like some scared teenager. I cursed myself for it. I stopped in my room, leaned against the door and put my hand on my chest, my heart racing. I didn't understand anything, why was Elly pulling me away from Aidan? All these years I've been rejecting anyone who even tried to get close to me, like I've been waiting for someone I've missed all this time and now that he's finally here, I'm running from him too. Oh, that was stupid, Elly!