I hated going to the classes.
I hated teachers who take attendence every class and fail the students if they don't come. One must not have any confidence in their teaching to do that, I believed.
There I was walking way too slowly, dragging my feet until I approached to the entrance of the faculty. The students were on the break or about to go into the class hence there was a crowd.
I didn't smoke regularly back then.
I was about to go inside and take my seat when I noticed this guy.
Then I lit a cigarette to pretend I'm on a break and started to watch him.
He was so... so beautiful. He was just my type. He had a baby face, almond eyes and pink lips. Every detail about him was so beautiful. He was the definition of cute.
He wasn't talking to anyone. I figured he was just out there to get fresh air. Our amfis had so heavy air because the ventilation was not very good.
He was reading a book and he was focused.
I was getting late to my class but I didn't care. I continued watching him. I didn't want to be a creep but I couldn't help it.
He was about to turn a page when it occurred to him to check his watch. His eyes widened, he closed his book right away. I threw away my cigarette.
We were walking and going to the same direction. I couldn't believe my eyes. We were on the same class. It was our third week. How come I never noticed him before, I wondered.
He sat at the very first row. He already put his things previously. I was on the last, just before the exit. I always sat down there so I could sneak sometimes after the teacher take attendence.
I spent the first session just watching him. Watching the back of his head to be honest... He was so focused on the class, it was so cute. He was taking notes without a break.
The person next to him was trying to talk to him from time to time, but he wasn't successful, as I could see they weren't engaging in a dialogue.
When the first session end, I came to my senses. What was I doing? I had a boyfriend. It was an on/off kinda relationship and we were on break but... still.
That was the first time I had ever done something like that, in the context of infidelity.
I convinced myself that it was normal. It was just a crush. People can have crushes when they were in a relationship. It wasn't like I was going to do anything about it.
But... going to that class next week became something that I expected happily.
I couldn't help myself. I was noticing him and watching him.
It was just a crush. Like you had one on celebrities. I convinced myself.
I was so afraid of my own emotional turmoil that I never even thought of talking to him.
Until I saw him in a very worried state that was. I heard in the cafeteria he was talking to his friends that he was so stressed about the upcoming midterm. That he couldn't even understand his own notes.
I thought about going to him and offer him to study together but... I decided against that for two reasons. First of all, he was going to say "who are you?" for sure. I couldn't admit that I was listening to their conversations too. I didn't know how to approach him, out of nowhere, without sounding like a creep.
Second and the main reason... I didn't trust myself. I was afraid of getting to know him. I was afraid this crush would turn into dust or worse... something real.
