Toxic

C15: Pain

Chapter15-Pain

Ever since I started doing drugs, I'd been afraid of overdosing. It scared me more than anything ever did. Yet it wasn't enough to get me to quit. Ava was.

But she wasn't here anymore. So quitting was much harder. That's why I'd told Larry. I couldn't handle everything on my own. I had to get help. My mom had been right all along.

But I hadn't realized that until I found myself in a hospital bed. IVs were connected to me and there was an oxygen tube snaked across my face. I didn't know what they'd done to my injuries but I knew they were covered with something.

For a split second, I didn't know what had happened to me. My brain was frozen. The only thing I could think of was that I'd overdosed.

I opened my eyes, tears already in my line of sight. The IV hooked up to my arm scared me. What were they giving me? Were they keeping me alive by that simple syringe?

I lost it. Plain and simple, I lost it. I started crying and immediately pulled the IV from my arm, wincing at the pain. I ripped the oxygen tube away and tried kicking the covers off my legs. My leg screamed in protest.

Two hands pressed down on my shoulders and I saw my mom leaning over me, her hair hanging down to shield me from everything around us. All I could see was her.

"Lydia, sweetheart, it's alright. You're okay." She said, wiping the tears from my face. She gently helped put the tube back in place, being slow and careful with me so I wouldn't have another outburst. "Do you remember what happened?"

I swallowed and shook my head. I could vaguely remember the police officer but that was it. Nothing more really stood out to me.

She leaned away, giving me a better view of the room. There was another patient in the room but the curtain was up, keeping our problems from one another.

A nurse came into view and gentle put the IV back in my arm, checking the bag connected to be sure I hadn't ruined whatever was going on.

Mom sat back down in the chair beside the bed and took my hand in hers. My wrist was wrapped in a cast, my fingers poking out. She started massaging my fingers around the knuckles, watching me carefully as she did so.

"I'm sorry you had to come." I whispered, turning my head so I could see her better.

She smiled. "Don't be sorry, sweetheart."

"It's all my fault."

"No, Lydia, it's not. If I hadn't been so hell-bent on keeping you from that boy, none of this would have happened. You probably would have found someone better and realized that he was no good for you in the first place-"

"I did, mom." No way was I ready to tell her I was gay yet. "He cheated on me and I broke up with him. But... but he got mad at me and... Oh my, gosh. Mom, is he..."

She brushed my hair away from my face, a grim look on her face. "You should get some rest, Lydia. You've had a rough few days."

"Mom, just tell me."

She kissed my forehead. "I'll go get the nurse."

Right as she opened the door, I stopped her. "Mom, what happened?"

She stood with her back to me for a second before she turned around. "The paramedics said he wasn't wearing a seat belt and was killed on impact. They said you would have died, too, if it hadn't been for yours." Then she left.

"We called Ava and told her what happened." Dad said, looking over at Larry.

"Did you talk to her?" I asked, full of hope that was probably stupid of me to have had this long.

"We only got her voice mail." Larry said, squeezing my hand.

I sighed.

"Lydia, she can't push you away forever." Dad said, trying to comfort me.

I rested my head on his shoulder, wishing they would have told me some better news. "She can do whatever she wants. She dumped me, remember?"

"If she loves you like you love her, she can't stay away forever."

"Dad, thanks for trying but it's over between us. Why would she want to be with me? I'm unstable, I have baggage even I can't deal with, and now I have an ex-boyfriend who's dead."

"Lydia, I don't think Ava is heartless. She cares about you. I'm sure of it." Larry said.

I shrugged. "That doesn't really help me now."

Dad brushed my hair away from my face. "Just focus on getting better for now, okay?"

A thought suddenly came to mind and I looked between him and Larry. "Does mom know about her? Does she know..."

"No, she doesn't know. About Ava or about you."

I sighed in relief.

"But you're going to have to tell her eventually." Dad said.

"Do I have to?" I groaned.

Larry smiled at me. "I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life hiding from your mother."

"And I certainly don't want you lying to her either." Dad said, giving me a look.

"And what if she hates me because of it? What if she wants nothing to do with me then?"

"Then you move in with us and you give her the space she needs."

"I hate giving people space." I mumbled grudgingly.

The door opened and the nurse walked inside. She went to the other person in the room before coming over to me. She checked on the IV that was still, annoyingly, in my arm, before she spoke to me. "Your knee isn't broken, in case you were wondering. Just a sprain. Though you'll need physical therapy on it."

"I guess the same can't be said for my wrist."

"Unfortunately, no. I'm sorry."

Growing up, I never experienced a broken bone. I barely ever played outside enough to get hurt. My brother didn't ride bikes with other kids or play in the dirt like a normal boy would. So I never wanted to follow in those footsteps. But now that my wrist, my main arm, was broken, I wasn't sure how to feel. I couldn't draw anymore. What I could do would be pathetic looking. How was I supposed to move on from that?

Dad rubbed my arm. "Lydia, your wrist is going to heal before you know it."

I sighed but didn't say anything. The nurse left then and I practically forced myself to sleep. I didn't want to talk anymore about depressing things. I just wanted things to go back to normal. To when I was happy.