Marauders - Always - Part One

CLXVII: Freddie Pineapple

Remus sighed and turned around, sliding sideways in the desk chair. "It was a term that meant queen in Polari cant. As a slang, it started being used for particularly flamboyant and overtly over-the-top people among the Polari - these being traits that are frequently associated with gay men, the term slowly evolved into the slur it is today. Are you happy?"

"Very," James replied, playing catch and release with the snitch.

"Queen!" Sirius grinned, "See? This is all the more proof that I ought to be Freddie Pineapple. Freddie is a Queen. Freddie is in Queen, yes, but he also is a Queen, and that is his greatest trait."

"You think every trait of Freddie is his greatest trait," James accused.

Sirius shook his head, "No. No, I don't. He likes cats. I think he should convert to being a dog person. Like me. I'm a dog person."

"You're a dog, that's for sure," James said.

"Imagine if I was Freddie's dog? Then he'd like dogs more than cats. I could be a two-for. A lover and a pet."

James and Peter laughed, but Remus once more turned 'round to face the desk, not laughing but staring at his homework with a sick look on his face.

Sirius climbed onto the bed at the far end of the room - his own bed, where he'd been sleeping ever since the prank - and stood upon it, balancing wobbly. James stared up at Sirius, who looked like he was posing for a statue. "Freddie Pineapple is thusforthly my name and all you plebes shall call me by it, effective immediately."

"You can't be serious?" Remus groaned from the desk.

"That's the point isn't it?" Sirius said, laughing, "I shant be Sirius."

"May the serious-Sirius joke rest in peace," Peter said.

"It had a good run," James said, crossing himself, then hurrying to catch the snitch, which had nearly buzzed away in the time it took him to move his hands across his shoulder, forehead and chest. He grinned at it as his fingers caged it and the tiny gold ball fluttered extra hard in irritation at him. James glanced to see if Sirius or Peter had seen his catch, but neither had, and he sighed, releasing the snitch again to continue his cat-and-mouse game with it.

"I will miss that joke," Sirius admitted. "But what else is to be done? I don't wish to be associated with the Blacks anymore - especially not now with Regulus being such a --" He made a violent gagging noise. "Don't need anybody knowing I'm that little sodcake's brother."

"Everyone already knows you're Sirius Black," Remus said, "And that Regulus is your brother. Neither one of you are exactly subtle. You're both dramatic..."

"I'm what now?" Sirius feigned offense.

"You're too well-known about the school, though, so it would have to be him who changed, not you..." Remus continued on, "I don't foresee Regulus running about the castle telling all his little friends that his name's Freddie Pineapple."

"First of all, Regulus is not cool enough to be called Freddie Pineapple, so that's where your argument starts going off the rails. Secondly, Regulus doesn't have friends. He has verminous cohorts."

"Verminous cohorts?" James laughed.

"What's wrong with cohorting with vermin?" Peter spoke up, looking offended.

"Sorry Wormtail," Sirius said.

"They're snakes, not rats anyway," James said. "He has... amphibious cohorts."