Soul Searching

Chapter 1- Serena Hansen

Beep! Beep! Beep!
My atrocious sounding alarm wakes me up with a snarl on my face, reminding me it's the first day of junior year. I lift my head just enough to look at my alarm clock.
6:50
Oh my God, I have 30 minutes of sleeping time until I have to get up, this is great! Well, if I sleep in for another 30 minutes, I'll have to ditch breakfast and I won't have time to do my hair. Who am I kidding, obviously I'm gonna sleep. The people at my school have seen me in braces, no one will care if my hair isn't straight. I drift back asleep, propping my leg near my stomach and letting my head sink into my pillow.
The next time I wake up, it's because of honking coming from outside my house. I sit up, half scared and half annoyed at the noise, until I realize what I'd done. Yup, the clock told me the time was 7:55. Shit.
I scramble for my phone, throwing my blankets and pillows everywhere. I lifted my dark gray heated blanket and saw my light purple iPhone 14.
"Yes!" I said to myself. My excitement dulled when I saw that my battery was at 12 percent. I moaned and threw my head back in agony. I unlocked my phone and called Kelsey, the girl honking in my driveway. Expectedly, she picked up after the first ring.
"Serena, I have to pick up three other people, hurry up!" She exclaimed, not yelling. Kelsey never yelled at anyone, and it wasn't because she was shy. It was just because she thought it was meant to reprimand people for mistakes they already feel bad about making.
"Kels, I know. I overslept, I'll be ready in five minutes I swear." I feel terrible about oversleeping, but I know Kelsey isn't surprised. I am anything but a morning person.
"Kay, I'll text everyone to tell them I'm gonna be a little bit late. Be quick please."
"I will, I'll see you soon. You won't even know any time has passed. You'll blink and I'll be there and you'll be like 'what'!" I heard her laugh on the other line but she just told me to stop wasting time.
I put my phone down and jumped off my bed. Looking at my closet, someone would think I had a million outfit choices, but no, I do not.
"I just need leggings and a shirt. Come on now." I said to myself. I talk to myself more than the average person, but that's an issue I can deal with later.
I bent down and opened my pants drawer. I saw my favorite jeans, athletic shorts, and leather skirts, but no leggings. What the hell, I swear I just washed my leggings. Wait, I just washed them!
I turned and started going through my clean laundry basket. After about thirty seconds, I found black leggings and my tight navy blue tee shirt. I look in the mirror, debating whether or not I'll be cold. After a moment of back and forth with myself, I decided it was better to have layers to take off rather than not having enough. I sort through my closet and land on my short, white, fluffy jacket.
I tripped twice while putting my clothes on and I almost lost my phone for the second time today. I run for the bathroom, grab a hairbrush, and start tugging on the rat's nest on my head.
"Ow. Ow. Shit, ow!" My hair is incredibly stubborn, there is no way I can wear it down today. I continue to pull on my hair until I can get the brush through it without ripping my hair out. I then reach behind my head and sort my hair into three sections. After five braids, I pull it to the side of my head and finish the braid. I leave the braid hanging down my left shoulder and start to head out.
I stop in my tracks when I remember I haven't given my face a good look yet. I turn back to the mirror and find a massive pimple under my ear. I put my hand up to it, but just touching it hurt a lot. There was no time to cover it, so I resorted to pulling some hair towards my face in an attempt to cover it.
Good enough.
I run back into my room and pick up my all-black backpack, rummaging through it to make sure I don't forget anything. Once I know I'm good, I get all my stuff, race downstairs, and put my sneakers on.
Kelsey stares at me when I slug myself into her car, out of breath from all the running I was doing. I look back and try to defend myself, but shit, I just can't talk. I need to start working out, this is terrible.
After about a minute, I settled down and started talking to Kelsey. 
"What time is your lunch?" Kelsey was always really smart. I only ever had lunch with her because I've never been in honors or AP classes, and those are the only classes Kelsey took.
" I have fifth-period lunch." I lean my head back in annoyance because I have fourth-period lunch.
"Ugh, okay. Another year, no classes together. Maybe I'll lock in and get some honors courses next year."
"You can dream." She smiles as she says it, knowing I'd find it funny.
"Shut up." I laugh for a second before looking down at her white phone charger. "Hey, can I get aux?"
"Bitch." She hates sharing music, and I know this. But I can't make it through the day without my phone, AirPods, and coffee- shit! I forgot my AirPods. I tightly close my eyes and groan for what feels like the tenth time this morning.
"I'm sorry Serena, you know how I am about my music. It sets my mood for the entire day!" I immediately opened my eyes and looked at her, feeling bad she thought I was annoyed by her saying no.
"No, it's not that, I just realized I forgot my AirPods," I say as though it's the end of the world as I know it. I'm genuinely the only person I know who checks her bag and still forgets something. Kill me now.
"Oh. Yeah, that sucks." She turns her head for a second, giving me a sympathetic look.
"I know! And my phone is about to die. And I didn't have time for coffee."
"Jesus." She eyes her charger for a second before looking up at me. "Okay fine, you can charge your phone, just don't play bad music."
"I love you! Please marry me."
"No."
"Kay, thanks anyways." I happily take the charger from her phone and put it in mine. I pull up my favorite playlist, it's twelve hours of all my favorite songs. Before I even hit shuffle, I smile at the side of Kelsey's head, just waiting for her to look at me. When she does, she just rolls her eyes and focuses back on the road. The first song that plays is Supercut by Lorde. I instantly feel my blood pumping harder than it was a second ago. This is our song, it has been since we met in seventh grade.
Kelsey spent her recess time writing notes for the kids in the grades below us, words of advice, encouraging letters, and sweet sayings. I spent my time learning how to do backflips on the monkey bars and inevitably breaking my arm. When I broke my arm, I was only allowed to sit on the bench for the entire twenty minutes of playtime. This is when I started to pay attention to what Kelsey was doing. I guess I'd noticed she didn't play like everyone else, but I never really thought about it.
After two days of sitting and watching, I went up to Kelsey. Doing something different is better than doing nothing at all.
"Hi, Kelsey. Whatcha doing?" I remember her looking at me like I had three heads. Nobody approached her at recess, kids used to call her Snoresey. I never got the nickname when I was younger, but I unfortunately get it now. It was so uncreative and mean, but that's a prerequisite for middle schoolers. The name originated because Kelsey wanted to help the first-grade art class instead of playing in the monthly kickball tournament. The tournament wasn't anything great, it usually ended early because someone made an unfair call and it made a different kid cry. But Kelsey's preference to stay inside made her seem boring to the other kids, hence Snoresey.
"Just writing the fifth graders' letters. I'm gonna give them to Ms. Harris when I'm done." She kept looking at me, then her letters, then her markers in a cycle over and over again, like she was waiting for me to leave.
"Can I help? I can't do my monkey bar tricks for a while." Her face went from skeptical to gleaming in a matter of seconds.
"Of course, you can help!" I smiled at the acceptance and sat down next to her. Looking over all the letters was genuinely exciting. She put so much time and effort into them, that it made me want to imitate that same care. Kelsey's smile never dropped as she gave me a piece of light green colored paper, colored pens, and pencils, as well as vague instructions on what to write.
"You can either write something nice, like 'Have a good day!' or advice for the littles. I'm writing to the sixth graders about the midpoint project."
"You're writing to the kids a year below us and calling them 'littles'?" I laughed.
"They seem so little to me!" She defended herself, but not seriously. Our conversation was refreshingly light, neither of us worried about what to say next, or if we sounded weird.
"Yeah, I guess they do. Kind of." My voice got high-pitched at the end. A dead giveaway I didn't believe what I was saying. I was just trying to relate to her.
She burst out laughing. " You're so lying, Serena. You aren't even a good liar!" This made me laugh a real, ugly-sounding laugh. Kelsey and I talked about things from what songs we listened to, who we thought was cute, and how stupid that kickball tournament was.
"I love Supercut! That whole album is so good." My jaw dropped when she said that. None of my other friends listened to Lorde.
"Shut. Up. You like Lorde too?"
"Yes! I love her. Oh my God, I don't know anyone else who listens to her, well besides her hits."
"Supercut is my favorite song too!"
"I think we were made to be best friends." She told me, and she was proven right. After four years of friendship, we never had so much as a petty argument.
After what seemed like only a few minutes, the bell rang and recess was over. We didn't make any more progress on the cards, but I did learn that Jeremy Norris spent hours on his hair and that Catherine O'Sullivan wore tampons instead of pads. We thought she was brave as a soldier for that. We also figured out that we only lived five minutes away from each other, so carpooling ended up being a staple in our friendship. And every time we carpooled, we played Supercut. I don't know how we didn't get sick of the song, but even now we listen to it together all the time.
As soon as the lyrics start, Kelsey and I scream-sing them, getting waves of nostalgia every time the chorus plays. Soon after the song ends, we pull up to Ariana's house. She waves at us as she walks out in a cropped black tee, gray cargo jeans, and panda dunks. When she gets to the car, she hops in the back seat.
"Hey guys."
"Hey! Are you ready for today?"
She stifles back a groan and nods. We all laugh and Kelsey turns back around to the road and drives off. Hearing the music blast and feeling the wind on my skin reminds me how desperate I am to go away to college. I'm not allowed to go more than six hours away, so my dream to go to North Carolina is shot in the ass. But, I'm eyeing the University of Alabama. It's five and a half hours away from where I live, Tunica, Mississippi, and it's a huge party school. I don't prioritize partying over academics, courses, area, and athletics, but it's a nice cherry on top.
In about three minutes, we are at Mackenzie's house. Ariana had met Mackenzie during freshman year Biology class, they sat next to each other and hit it off instantly. Ariana brought her to our lunch table that day, talking about Penelope and Colin, whoever they were.
Ariana stuck her head out of the window and yelled, "Kenzie K! You're looking fine mamas!" Kenzie threw her head back laughing and quickened her pace to get to the car. Ariana and Kenzie had been best friends since that Biology class. Ariana sat in the middle seat just to be able to sit next to Kenzie; that was the biggest sacrifice you could ask of a teenage girl.
Kenzie excitedly pulled out her phone and showed Ariana something. Ariana's jaw dropped as she stared and Kenzie completely in shock.
"What?" I ask, looking between both of them. I hated being out of the loop, especially with the girls I considered my closest friends.
"Okay so-" Ariana started. Kenzie held her hand up and stopped her.
"We should wait until Charlee gets here. I need to tell everyone together."
"Aw jeez, she's got news!" I look back at them and scream. Well, maybe not scream, but 'talk' would be an understatement.
Kelsey didn't react to Mackenzie telling us to wait for Charlee, but I swear she sped up a little bit.
Kenzie and Charlee lived 10 minutes away from each other, so the tension was clear by the time Kelsey pulled up to Charlee's house. When Charlee got in the car, Kenzie wasted no time telling us what happened. She sat up straighter and gave us a mischievous smile while saying, "Guess who got back together." I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly where this was going. My disappointment was probably obvious because I was expecting some important news. Like someone getting herpes, or a teacher not coming back this year. I would've taken friend group drama over what Kenzie was about to say.
Every time there was an update on Rosa Fort High School's Chase Watson, these two never failed to tell everyone they knew about it. Chase was the point guard on our basketball team, and he deserves all the credit he gets because he is incredibly talented. He has eleven college offers, scouts coming to almost every game, and he also has a toxic on-and-off relationship with Megan Kim. While I do respect him, I have a nagging annoyance directed at him due to how much I hear about the guy. I'll be talking about the weather and someone will tell me that Chase dropped a three-pointer at a game. Like, yeah ok. Isn't he supposed to be doing that?
"Wait, is it Chase and Megan?" I said, half sarcastically and half interested.
"Are you kidding me Ri? Can't you just let us say it?" Ariana moaned. No, I couldn't let them tell me the same thing over and over again, or my head was gonna shrivel up and fall off my neck.
But, these were the only people I liked. I had a lot of friends but I tolerated ninety- five percent of them. I loved these girls, and even though they make me wanna slam my head into concrete sometimes, they are also the reason I'm so happy. So, I'll let them talk about Chase and Megan.
"Okay, sorry. How did they get back together?" Ariana smiled as I accepted defeat.
"They hooked up at Seamus Gaffney's party over the weekend and 'remembered how much they missed each other'." I laugh out loud at the humor in that. Did they remember when they went into a screaming match during Algebra 2 last year? Or when Megan slapped Chase in the face during lunch? I've been friendly with Megan since freshman year. I used to like her, but now she's just obsessed with Chase, popularity, and her Instagram follower ratio. I still smile at her in the hallways and complain about the workload with her, and she still invites me to all of her big parties, but besides that, we hardly know each other. Sometimes I wish I was close enough to her so I could tell her to stay away from Chase. That relationship isn't doing either of them any good.
"Puh-lease. You know they are gonna break up again right? No offense, but it's freaky that you care about them so much. Their getting back together is as interesting as Marcus Johnson crop dusting the attendance office. Everyone knows it's coming." Kenzie doesn't speak up but her smile drops a little bit. She gets so wrapped up in other people's drama, I've never gotten it. Ariana looks at Kenzie, noticing she's a little embarrassed. I immediately felt terrible when I looked at both of them. Mackenzie is so sensitive, sometimes I just forget that.
I've always been mean to my friends when I get comfortable with them. It's what I'm used to doing, and to me, it shows them I love them enough to not walk on eggshells around them. Kenzie is much different. She always goes out of her way to be nice to everybody. That front that people put up when they meet new people to leave a good impression is just Mackenzie's personality.
Either way, I made her feel like shit. I just made her feel like she couldn't talk in front of her best friends without even trying.
"It's entertaining. You read books about made-up people and you believe they are real. We talk about real people. Everyone has guilty pleasures, ours are just different from yours." Ariana steps in for Kenzie.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I was being too mean." I sheepishly turn my head back around so I'm looking out of the dash window. Kenzie and Ariana talk about Chase for the rest of the ride. Or, Ariana talks about him for five minutes until Kenzie feels good enough and joins in again.
I tune everyone out until we arrive at school. The dated brick building washes dread over me. I don't mind school, but I would much rather be at home in bed with a book. Or in a field in the middle of nowhere with a Twisted Tea. There are dark green trees all around the school. The school even has some green accents on the building.
Kelsey pulls into a parking spot, plugs out my phone, and gives it to me. She looks down at it before giving it to me.
"73 percent. Not bad." I widen my eyes, forgetting how fast her charger is.
"Not bad at all, thanks again Kels." She nods in response and unbuckles her belt, and we all get out of the car and start to walk up to the front door together.
Walking into the school brings waves of nostalgia, unexpected excitement, and inevitable dread. School brings out so many feelings all at once. I hate coming here and sitting down, learning about things I don't care about. But if there was no school I wouldn't know my favorite people. Sometimes I even look forward to school for no reason at all.