With Love

Chapter 17: once again

Truth was she didn't have pyjamas. At night, she just wore an old t-shirt and an equally ancient trouser, but they were going to stay at someone else's house, and obviously she wasn't going to wear that there.

Asad hadn't even seen her without hijab, so she wasn't going to show him her hairy arms anytime soon either just because she didn't own a proper pyjama set.

Thankfully, Sidra sorted that issue out and thrusted a plain, pale pink salwar kameez toward her. It wasn't casual nor fancy and was perfectly comfortable to wear as she slept.

It was also kinda cute, you know, just in case.

She wondered what he wore to bed. Anything proper? Maybe nothing at all?

Astaghfirullah, why am I thinking like this?

She shook her head and suppressed an embarrassed laugh in front of her mother, before moving to grab the same silver dress from the last time. She eyed it, stunned by its shine and designs, while a familiar nervousness creeped onto her once again.

Maybe, it was this dress and the colour. Maybe it wasn't the most...auspicious thing to wear at an engagement party. Maybe that was why the situation had turned sour last time.

Israh knew that thought was ridiculous and pathetic, that a colour or a piece of fabric didn't hold that kind of power, but when anxiety gripped your mind, it brought with it these ridiculous thoughts and made you believe in them.

She tried not to of course, as she folded the dress with utmost care. Aunt Ruqayya had actually bought this dress and gotten it tailored perfectly to Israh's measurements. Israh had fallen in love with it as soon as she saw the dress, and she was so eager to wear it last time. It was beautiful and complimented Israh's skin tone perfectly.

It was just that things had gone awry once, and it was almost traumatising. She didn't want it all to happen again. Plus, she was a little scared of how to face those people now, and if God forbid, the situation went a little south again and Jamal bhai got angry...all hell would break loose. Israh doubted this time Jamal bhai was going to let her just speak and not lose his mind over it. It was a miracle how he even lasted that long that day.

Once Israh was done packing, evening rolling around as they sat in the car, with bhai Jamaal's family behind them in their own car, Israh's mood had gone down abruptly. It wasn't anything unusual. Her parents were now well versed with her many mood swings and knew not to say much when she was like this, but still, as despicable as the thought of talking was right now, she wished to be held.

Tight and comfortingly. She wrapped her own arms around herself and looked out the window as Sikander began driving, but she was annoyed that she wasn't enough for herself. She wanted to be like one of those girls who had so much self-love that they didn't rely on others for that type of warmth and affection.

She didn't like asking for those things, and sometimes she hoped her family could just see and understand what she needed then. But of course, Israh knew that they couldn't read her mind or heart. These novels and movies were just pieces of fiction. They didn't represent reality. The reality was that Israh sometimes didn't see and understand people too, so she couldn't expect everyone else to do that for her.

Still, it would be nice...

And where were those three musketeers when she needed them? She knew Aliya was at work, but Noor and Tamannah could at least text her back.

Halfway through the journey, she fell asleep. When she woke up again, they were only half an hour away from aunty Ruqayya's house. She was still quite grumpy, but she tried to plaster on a fake smile and act like she was excited when in fact, all she wanted to was get home and lie down on her bed and sleep again.

She fixed her hijab, smoothened the wrinkles on her clothes and turned on her camera on the phone to make sure her face was alright. She hadn't done her make up, but she had put on some surma and thank God, it hadn't smudged.

They bought mithai (sweets) and some bakery on the way, before finally arriving at the place.

Israh eyed the house in front of them. It for sure could fit them all and more. The grass on the front yard was the most vivid shade of green she'd ever seen, neatly trimmed along the pathway to the porch. The house itself was red-bricked with wide, white windows and an equally white double door. It had fairy lights hanging off from the roof and falling down like waterfalls. They'd look so good at night! Israh loved it.

Two sleek, BMWs were parked up front next to an equally fancy-looking black bike. Israh wondered whose bike that was. Asad? Or some other guest that had come to attend the event?

Jamal bhai parked behind them, Hamza running over to her as soon as he got out of the car. She picked him up and set him on her hip before they all walked to the porch and rang the bell.

As soon as the door opened, the volume picked up by like a hundred. Israh lingered behind everyone, waiting for her family to get through the loud set of greetings before stepping forward too.

Aunty Ruqayya grabbed her hand and squeezed it, kissing her forehead as she said welcomed her in. She did the same with little Hamza who was not impressed by the display of affection and buried his face in Israh's neck, close to tears.

She soothed him after stepping into the house. It smelled of delicious chicken curry and was so warm, it was like whiplash after coming from outside where it was wet and windy. She didn't see Asad instantly. In fact, it seemed like he wasn't even at home.

She tried not to look for him and pay attention to the conversation happening when they all sat down in the living room instead, but she might not have been as subtle as she though because aunty Ruqayya speaks up. "Asad's gone to get something from the shop nearby. He'll be here in a few minutes."

Ruqayya had her face towards Sidra and Sikander as if she was informing them of Asad's absence, but she glanced at Israh halfway through with a knowing smile that made Israh wished the earth could swallow her whole right then and there.