Autistic Spencer Reid

Chapter 2

TW: Sensory overload, meltdown and self-harming stims

Hotch and Rossi had been looking at Spencer most of the flight, and Spencer could feel the eyes on him. He couldn't sleep properly and definitely couldn't get comfortable on the couch.

When they landed, the team disbanded and went about their assignments. Reid travelled with JJ to the station, his bag on his lap, watching the surroundings pass by. He quickly regretted watching out the window because he became a bit nauseous.

"Are you okay Spence? You've been acting a bit different recently," JJ questioned, concern evident. JJ kept her hands on the wheel as she drove, but now and again she'd glance over at Spencer to see how he was reacting.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. What do you mean I've been acting differently?" He sputtered, taken aback by JJ's comment. He knew he'd been acting differently recently, he's been trying to act more like himself. He wanted to unmask his traits a bit more to ease his anxiety and make coming to work a lot less nerve wracking. So far, it's only made him more nervous because he's been analysing everyone's reactions to his subtle stims and his, not so subtle, info-dumping. He'd hoped no one had noticed, but who was he kidding, he's surrounded by a team of the country's best profilers that know him too well to miss such a sudden change.

"Spence, it's just a question. You've been more wary and unsure of yourself, and you've been scanning the room every few minutes. It's like you're watching everybody's reactions to you. You know everyone loves you right, and that you can tell one of us if someone's said something to you?" JJ probed. JJ didn't like seeing Spencer so retired and secluded, like everyone was against him.

"It's fine, I'm fine. Don't worry, nobody's been picking on me or anything," Spencer hastened to say, he didn't want JJ getting the wrong idea. It was only his own brain that made it look like everyone's watching his every move. 'Paranoid much'  he thought. He froze and straightened, he hadn't meant to think that. He always tried not to think about paranoia because it reminded him too much of his paranoid schizophrenic mother, who may have passed it onto him. He internally kicked himself at that comment, he'd regret it later when the guilt arrived from not seeing her very often.

"Okay, well you know you can talk to me about anything, right? You'd be able to talk to anyone on the team, they'd all be happy to listen," JJ rambled, she wanted Spencer to open up about what he was clearly struggling with, but didn't want to make him uncomfortable by pushing too hard.

"I know", Spencer nigh on muttered. He knew JJ wouldn't say anything nasty to him, it probably wouldn't even cross her mind, but he still felt vulnerable sharing such a major part of himself. He could tell JJ, she'd be supportive, she may not understand everything, but she'd try to. He could do that, it's not too hard and he really trusts JJ, what could go wrong? He tensed himself ready for the conversation, finally deciding to tell her.

"Actually JJ, there is something..." Spencer began, his hands twisting together and leg practically vibrating as it bounced up and down. JJ turned her head to look at Spencer, and expectant expression painted on her face.

A shrill ring broke through the building tension, Spencer frowned at the interruption but felt his muscles relax.

"Sorry, let me just answer that. 2 seconds," JJ sighed at the disruption, she was finally progressing with getting Spencer to open up. "Jennifer Jareau... yes okay, we'll be right there. Thank you," JJ hung up the phone and turned back to Spencer. " What was it you wanted to say?" JJ questioned, hoping that her enthusiasm towards the conversation would encourage Spencer to keep going.

"Oh, uh... don't worry about it. It's nothing important," Spencer replied. "What was the phone call about?" He deflected.

"Oh, the families of the victims have arrived and are waiting at the station. The local sheriff called them not long after he requested we join the case. It just means I won't have to contact them myself. I'll get them comfortable and ask them some simple questions before the team arrive back," JJ prattled, noticing Spencer's deflection and making a mental note to ask him again another time.