Eclipse of Heart

13 | Selfish

His words hang in the air, heavy with implications, and I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

The thought of marriage, of committing to someone in such a profound way, is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

And I am not even revealing my identity. I can't do it. Not now when we are middle of a mess and lot of things.

I can't reveal it now. Maybe in a few weeks.

But will he still accept me after knowing about the real me?

I take another sip of my hot chocolate, the warmth of the drink providing some solace amidst the storm of emotions swirling inside me. "But what if..." I hesitate, unable to voice the doubts and fears that plague my mind.

Worst case scenarios starts playing in my mind in a slideshow.

Aryan reaches out, his hand finding mine on the table, his touch warm and reassuring. "What if what, Aira?" he prompts gently, his gaze searching mine for answers.

The way he looks at me as if could see right into my soul and see all the truths it terrifies me Everytime he looks at me like that.

"What if I can't give you what you want?" I blurt out, the words tumbling from my lips before I can stop them. "What if I'm not enough?"

His expression softens, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand in a gesture of comfort. "You are more than enough, Aira," he says earnestly, his voice filled with conviction. "You're everything I never knew I needed."

His words wash over me like a balm, soothing the doubts and fears that have been plaguing me.

In that moment, I feel a flicker of hope stirring within me, a glimmer of possibility amidst the uncertainty.

The irrational part of my brain chants be selfish this one time.

A decision for myself more than anyone else.

"But what if..." I start again, my voice barely a whisper as I struggle to voice the doubts that still linger in the back of my mind.

Aryan reaches across the table, his hand finding mine once more, his touch grounding me in the present moment. "We'll figure it out together, Aira," he says softly, his gaze unwavering as he meets my eyes, his thumb rubbing soft circles on my palm. "Whatever happens, we'll face it together."

I fall silent, my gaze drifts to my phone, the screen ablaze with notifications, a stark reminder of the world beyond this intimate moment.

"It's not just about liking you, you know," I remark softly, the words tinged with uncertainty as I struggle to articulate the doubts gnawing at my heart.

"I know," Aryan responds, his voice gentle yet firm, his eyes brimming with sincerity as he meets my gaze. "It's about more than that. It's about the connection we share, the bond that's been growing between us."

His words resonate within me, stirring up a mix of emotions that I struggle to contain.

Despite my uncertainties, there's a part of me that wants to believe him, to trust in the possibility of something more between us.

Hope.

"And what if I fail to fall in love with you, Aryan? What then?" I ask tentatively, my voice wavering with a blend of fear and longing, my eyes searching his for reassurance in the face of uncertainty.

Because that's what eventually everyone will expect from your better half. And if I fail at that? And Aryan definitely believes we will fall in love and I don't want to break is heart.