reflections

field of innocence

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour

1 Peter 5:8

I will turn my ear to a proverb; with the harp I will expound my riddle

Psalms 49.4

🧸⃤⚚♚♔
𓃵𖤐⁶⁶⁶𖤍♱𓅓
♡♤•°•♔♡¿♤

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I
I want to go back to
Believing in everything
And knowing nothing at all

Field of Innocence
Evanescence

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

♡ snow

I was entirely drained. I spent a long time in the bathroom singing and showering with ylang ylang and vanilla soap. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I knew what was next. The second half of my suffering which always began when I went to sleep. The visitations that occured that I could not always remember. I didn't know what would happen, but I was ready. I had no other choice. Feeling slightly calmer than before I dressed into a pale pink nightgown from the wardrobe and brushed my black hair. My skin was pale like the moon outside. It had been a long time since I had seen the sunlight. Outside my window the country sky was a deep wash of midnight blue and already the stars were visible in the night sky. I loved living out here in the country, in a house tucked far away from everything down a long and winding dirt track. My own personal Eden. Surrounded by trees, and rolling hills, it gave me an immersive illusion that I was safe, and that provided some comfort. I wasn't always safe here but it didn't matter. I wasn't living on Earth anymore.

In my home everything was provided.
I thought of it as a world of its own, endless and eternal. I knew I couldn't escape, but I never really wanted to. I never could think that deeply about those sorts of things in this place. What I did know was that anything could happen here as it wasn't governed by the usual laws of realms. I had been here for as long as I could remember. This was a storybook cottage off a road surrounded by forest like an area where I grew up named Drury. I couldn't remember how I got here, however, but that wasn't something I could think about. This place was comfortable and had everything I needed. The garden was teeming with a colourful array of roses which never died. The grass was always lush, in the perfect shade of green. My bed was on the second story overlooking the beautiful view of the skies bordering the countryside. Not too far away I could even see the ocean, the sound and salted scent on the air. The repetitive lull of the waves crashing on the shore, and the manic violence of the weather affecting the tides. There was a roof window in my bedroom, and if I stood on my bed and opened it I would see way out to deep waters. I liked spending time envisioning myself out on the water. I thought about the time I took a raft out to the deep sea, further than I had ever been before. I saw forest and on occassion the deer grazing on the lands.

I curled up, deciding to watch a horror film to drown my tormented mind in the storyline of a different persons suffering. Would this help me? Probably not. I didn't know why I felt so bad, but the feeling was intense. Heavy. It permeated my skin and bled out into the air. Even though I had spent so long scrubbing every inch of my body it was never enough.

I turned on the film. It was somehow relieving picturing myself in a different nightmare other than this one, the one I could never escape from. Deep inside, I had that familiar feeling that I was running out of time. Time was a hunter constantly at my throat, and soon it would appear and I would have no other choice but to face it again.

The spirits of these realms had to feed, and they fed on emotions. The more pure and true a human soul was, the more nourishing the soul serum was. I had signed a contract was that I could have anything I wanted, and in turn I would live here in this realm and bleed my emotions into the realm for them through various scheduled experiences. During the day, things happened and night I would always have very odd dreams. This process had been happening for so long I couldn't register time clearly anymore. Reality was distorted and conquered in this realm of consciousness and I was fallen down helpless in submission.