Time Can.. No, WILL Change

Chapter 2- The Prolonged Urge

TW: CUTTING (IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS, LEAVE NOW!)

Katsuki's POV 

     I let the subtle silence fill my ears, only the sound of my footsteps against the concrete could be heard. Outside was both the most chaotic yet peaceful place, it didn't make any sense to most, but it made sense to me. Going outside cleared my mind, that is what I am here to accomplish. I continue to walk until I reach a completely empty area. There were short tufts of grass covering the entire area, a big and old tree front and center of the empty field. I lean against the tree, the rustling of leaves between the wind being heard. "This is peaceful.." Though, that statement didn't last long.

      What if the villains attacked UA while I was gone? What would happen to everyone, what would people think of me?! They'd probably be disgusted, thinking I ran away, already knowing they were approaching. The thought alone made my heart twist and my knees buckle beneath me. I held onto the rough bark, it irritating my hands to which I ignored. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck.. calm down, calm down, damnit!" 

     My breathing escalates, I look for anything, anything to calm me down. I set my eyes on a small stray dog, my eyes dilate as I approach it slowly, my legs shaky beneath me. "Hey buddy, c'mere." I guide the puppy towards me, he seemed scared, like me. That helped my thoughts a bit, not being alone in this situation. "You're scared too, hm?" My voice wad still slightly shaky, it was improving by time though. I pet the dog slowly to which they wag their tail, I've always been more of a cat person, dogs are alright though. I continue to pet the dog until their owner came running over, thanking me quickly before grabbing their dog. I thought it was a stray. I stand up from my crouching position and head back to my dorm.

     Once I enter my dorm room, the door shuts with a click, informing me that it locked. I made sure my windows were locked, me still being paranoid about the villains. Could you blame me though? Everyone was traumatized by the attack, despite this, I still found myself weak for not being able to help more than I did. My thoughts overcame me before I could stop them. 

     Fuck.. I'm so useless, I couldn't do shit to help! I deserve to be punished, to be hurt. I look through the 2nd draw of my dresser and found a pocket knife. Originally, it was for protection, now though, I think it'll be used differently. I pull up my sleeves, sitting down on the ground, facing away from the door. I bring the blade to my skin, tearing the skin, I slightly wince. The cut hurt, yes, the stinging sensation was just.. I don't know.. it felt.. good. It was like I was finally doing something worthwhile for once, like I was doing what I was supposed to. It felt great, addictive. 

Words: 508<3