After all that time and realizing that being in a case that you are sick and only treated that way cuz people feel pathetic about you and just afraid that you would die all of a sudden made me think about his answer even more. His answer was "ok, what shall I do? " it got me down to hell where the devil hit me to live again. I couldn't think of anything I just cried and kept my distance and pretended that nothing happened. I couldn't have been wiser then. It was that feeling where you seem dumb to the whole world cuz you gave your love to someone who doesn't even care about you. That was my life and how it went. Depression, scars, suicide and finally painful bloody tears over my cheeks running for help .
We never really talked since that time, then he texted me saying he regretted everything he said and he wants me to be his friend again and so and so. I didn't really think that time I only said I'd like to but I can't. My parents minded having him as a friend. So here we start we became friends. Chat after a chat and hopefully we were getting along until I asked "Why do you talk with me? " pretending to know the answer I left him to say. His answer may have been expected but not that much. He striked my heart like a knife. He said "I only talk to you cuz you need help we aren't even friends. " I told him thanks. And I left after a big fight I was the dumb one again. I started flirting with him and talking to him again with his nonsense life. I can't complete this. I let him meet my friends, one of them made me realize that he can't be my crush he is just an intensive prick. I was feeling bad but cuz of my idiot self and me loving that jerk. I just couldn't handle being ignored. I couldn't handle having a particular life. I couldn't handle my desperate soul. I just needed someone who would be there for me. Someone who can always make me smile. Someone to tell that everything is fine. Someone who would turn the stormy waves into blue light calm waves. I couldn't believe in time that I may be that person again thinking that I'm nothing was my everyday thought. It lingered through my mind and saying that I'm not good enough for him I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm just a trouble in life; in my friends' lives.
