Lights Are Missing (PART 1)

15.

He was mad that I was ignoring him so he was taking it all out on me and my relationship with the other guys. He was so childish. I had to make up with him, I knew that much, but did I want to? Did I want to make up with him? Because if I did I knew something more had to happen.

"You know, mom is coming home soon." Her one hand was still wrapped around me, holding me closer to her, and her other hand was gently brushing through my knotted and tangled hair, "You need a haircut too."

"No, no." I replied, thinking about my hair getting cut was just as bad as dying. My hair meant so much to me, and I took great care of it, it was just the rain and the mess I'd made of myself.

I could practically hear her roll her eyes, "You really do though. Keep the wolf cut, just get a trim is all I'm saying."

That made much more sense. Maybe a trim was needed, long overdue, even. I gently nodded as my head rested on her shoulder. It really felt like we were kids all over again. Being a kid again, in my sister's arms, it made me realize the one thing I missed when I was a kid.

I missed the living part of being a kid.

"I can give you a trim tonight if you want." Beomgyu had always been the one to cut my hair, and she was incredibly good at it too. Our mom and I kept telling her to become a hair stylist since she loved it so much but she never thought it'd pay well. That's why she still lives at home. But if I had a say, Hiah would never be allowed to move out.

"That would be nice."

Just as I finished my sentence, the front door unlocked and it swung open as my mother stepped inside. As soon as she saw me, cheeks and eyes red and puffy, eyes full of tears as I rested in my sister's arms, soaking wet, she slammed the door shut and ran over to me, "Beomgyu? What's wrong?"

Hiah started whispering to our mom, probably informing her about what I'd told her, but I was too busy trying not to break down. Having my mom and sister see me be so broken down and shattered was definitely an experience I never wanted to live through again.

My mother's hand lifted as she placed her hand on my cheek. Her hand on my cheek, I realized the tears were slipping past my efforts to catch them with my sleeves. The uncomfortable feeling of her hand pressed against my soaked cheek made me shiver a tad bit.

"Beomgyu, baby, I'm sorry." She had always been full of love. Everything she did was full of love. I think it was more so the softness of her voice, the way she kept the cute little name, calling me 'baby'.

Hiah's grip on me loosened as our mother squished in even closer to her. I don't know how it  happened but my sister passed my weak, saddened body to my mother who was seated on the other side of her. I leaned over my sister's lap and melted into my mother's arms.

My mother, like Hiah had done, ran her hand through my hair gently. I felt weak in every aspect. I had completely given up on wiping the tears. I just let it all out, feeling vulnerable and yet at ease with my mom and sister in my arms.

"Hiah told me, you're kind of the one holding these secrets. Maybe you should talk to them about it and try to work things out."

I knew she was just trying to be nice but with everything bubbling up inside me I just couldn't handle it, "I can't, mom! I tried to explain myself but I just got shut out. I don't know what to do!"

She leaned over and began to speak a bit quieter, "You don't have to decide right away. I can tell you're super overwhelmed. Why don't we make you some food and you can get to bed early tonight so you can rest easy, okay?"

Not deciding right then sounded fun. It sounded like something I wanted. All I did was nod. I was hungry.

"Hiah, why don't you two just stay here while I make something quick." Again, I was given from one to the other and I was back in my sister's arms. Being so vulnerable and out in the open mentally like that was super off putting for me, and I'm sure it was too for my mom and sister.