"Ishan, I don't know what to believe anymore. Please you need to understand.
All this time I was told you abandoned me after the accident because doctors said I had very little chance of recovery. Our friends called my parents because they needed next to kin to approve my surgery", Shubman stopped when he felt Ishan wasn't paying attention to none of it.
" Ishan? "
" What? I told you I'm not interested in all this. I'm here because you said something along the lines of me being dead? Was that made up to grab my attention ", Ishan questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"No, no I wasn't lying. You have to believe me when I say my parents and Sara told me you died before reaching the hospital".
That name had hit a nerve because Ishan felt his insides churn. He had avoided everything Sara for the past five years. He didn't want to remember her, the years she had played an integral part in his life. The way Shubman and Sara had betrayed him. Ishan was seeing red ,he wanted to relocate Shubman's jaw and break his ever so perfect nose.
"You want me to believe this crap you have cooked up? Your stories don't match, you know. First you wanted me to believe, you were lied to by your parents and 'wife' ", he stressed on the wife, "about me leaving you. And now you are telling me they told you I died in the crash", Ishan scoffed.
" You're still bad at lying you know?"
" You know me Ishu, do you think I'm lying? "
Ishan knew he was trying to convince himself more than Shubman that he was lying. Because even after all these years of distance between them, it still felt like they could read each other like open books.
" Then please explain it to me why it doesn't make sense"
" The morning I woke up after the surgery I asked for you. But I don't remember getting an answer from anyone. The next time I wake up to my father and mother in the room. I asked them again about you and they told me you were in a different room and couldn't come meet me. I was in and out of consciousness that I'm not sure of these memories but I don't wanna believe or repeat what my family told me". Now Ishan was listening but kept an uninterested face.
" But once I was transferred to a room I insisted on seeing you and that's when they told me you didn't make it to the hospital".
It somehow felt like Shubman had been preparing for this since a long time. He said it as if he had practiced and perfected it.
"So when does the 'me leaving you' part come in? Because, if what I believe is true, ghosts can't do that", Ishan mocked.
" I know it wasn't really convincing for you but that's what really happened"
" Just tell me this and I'll believe you Shubman. We were together for ten years, ten fucking years and you didn't feel the need to once check on your own if I was alive? "
" I agree, I was an idiot not to do that but I couldn't even imagine my family or friends lying to me about your life".
" The same parents that didn't approve of our relationship lying to you. It never crossed your mind? Shubman you're not doing a good job at convincing me". Was Ishan being particularly difficult? Yeah probably but did he feel bad about it? No absolutely not.
"Anyway I'm wasting my time here, I'll get something to eat and make the best of it", Ishan walked towards the counter and got himself a plate of chow mein and returned to the table.
" Ishan I know, everything I have done with respect to our relationship the past years has been wrong. From believing to my parents to marrying someone I didn't want to".
Ishan wanted to poke his eyes out this time. Really marrying someone he didn't want to? Was he held at gun point? But from what he remembers, it didn't quite look like that. But he won't mention it, wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it still bothers him.
" Oh God, what do you want from me now Shubman? Okay let's think for a second I believe your 'narrative', doesn't call out everything that's wrong in it. okay? What I'm still struggling to understand is, now that you have lived your life without me for the past five years, with a wife and family, why are you telling me all this now? What are you getting out of this?".
Ishan was sceptical, years have passed and both their lives have changed. Shubman had a family of his own, he definitely didn't want Ishan back. So what is he is trying to do here. What did he want from him?
" Will you at least consider what I'm saying if I say, I did go to our apartment only to find it empty and lifeless?", Shubman had that desperate expression again. Shubman knew from the start it was not going to be easy. He has done enough damage to them, it was nearly impossible to ever gain Ishan's trust but he was not ready to let go without a fight. He has done it once, not again.
Now this was the only thing Ishan could believe that Shubman has said without the possibility of being made up. Yes, their apartment was lifeless, it took him months to fill it with his son's laughter and light.
" Alright, I'm done eating. Raj bhaiyya and others will be here soon so I think you should leave", Ishan said without looking at Shubman trying to tell him he wasn't interested in continuing this conversation anymore.
Saying Ishan didn't believe Shubman at all will be a blatant lie. His heart wanted to find solace, but his brain kept nagging him about the still unanswered questions and the loopholes in Shubman's version of happenings.
" Ishan you don't have to take me back, I don't want you believing everything I say but please, please trust me when I say I didn't pack up and leave the first chance I got. I would never leave you. I could never do that to you, to our relationship", Shubman couldn't hold back any longer. He let the tears flow, it was embarrassing but he didn't have the strength to hold it in. He didn't meet Ishan's eyes, he didn't wanna see the expression on his face. It could be disgust, disbelief or aversion, maybe even a slightest bit of sympathy but he knows he didn't deserve Ishan's sympathy.
Ishan stood up from his chair with both hands on the table slightly hovering over Shubman.
"Shubman, look at me"
Shubman raised his eyes to meet Ishan's only to find a very calm and emotionless eyes staring at him.
" Do you want me to forgive you?"
" If you could, please "
" Then answer this last one for me alright? "
" Anything"
" Why didn't you look for Keithan?"
When Shubman didn't reply he continued, "He wasn't with us that night, he couldn't have left you. You abandoned him", Ishan said pointing at Shubman and stressing each word. "Or did your parents say he was no more too? "
Shubman couldn't decide if Ishan was genuinely asking him or ridiculing him. But he didn't have an answer for both instances.
"I-", Shubman opened his mouth just to shut it when nothing else came out. He knew he lost when he couldn't think of a reason why he didn't bother to look for their son but the fact that he just didn't.
Ishan shook his head walking out of the restaurant to join his family that was now exiting through the gates.
Keithan came running towards his dada who hoisted him and twirled him for good measure. The giggles could be heard from where Shubman was sitting. He watched as they made their way away and away from him, Ishan carrying his son in his arms and the little boy chatting away to his father. He knew he had no place in their life anymore, his own doings, but couldn't stop himself from imagining how it would've been if not for that fateful night.
