The Best Years of Your Life

Praying to a God that I don't believe in

Rose POV

I wasn't allowed back in his room. Not until they "stabilized" him... whatever that meant. My mother had walked me along the corridor as soon as they had brought the defibrillator into his room. We don't need to see this, she'd said, her voice cracking. That was almost half an hour ago and now I found myself inside the chapel, staring up at the stained glass windows.

"I don't believe in you, you know," I called out to the empty room. Staring around the room, I waited for some sort of response. Not that I believed I would get one.

"Besides, if you are real. You'll have to beg for my forgiveness," I seethed, and I meant it.

Every single one of my friends had lost someone. Christian had lost his parents to a meth addiction; Lissa, her parents to a drunk driver. I had lost my brother to a mindless thug. Dimitri had grown up watching his father abuse his mother. It wasn't fair. None of it was. Now Dimitri was on the verge of dying and I was in some stupid chapel praying to a god I didn't believe in, a god who I refused to believe in, because, no loving god would ever put anyone through this much heartbreak. I wasn't even out of college and already I was about to lose another part of myself.

"You don't get to take them both," I found myself sobbing. "Wasn't taking Andrew enough for you?" I hissed to the air around me. I ran a hand through my hair and exhaled heavily. That's when I noticed the priest and I sat up flushing slightly. He nodded at me and I muttered an apology. He shook his head.

"Don't worry. It's how a lot of people cope. I know it can seem unfair when these things happen. The important thing is you remain strong enough to carry on, no matter what," he said, as he polished some of the pews. I swallowed and blew out a long gust of air. The priest gestured at the altar and smiled.

"Would you like to light a candle for your loved ones?" he asked. I blanched and met his eyes.

"I'm not religious," I said quickly. The priest shook his head.

"Didn't say you had to be," he said gesturing for me to come down. Humour him, I could practically hear Dimitri whisper. He was too polite to skip out on things like this, no matter how pointless. The priest gave me a pen and paper.

"Write the names of the loved ones you are thinking of," He said softly. I took a deep breath and scribbled down each of the names, taking extra time to write a short message on Dimitri's. The priest stuck each label to a candle and held out a match for me to light the candles. I sighed and lit each candle. The priest smiled and read my message.

"I'll be sure to pray for him," he said pointedly. I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Father," I said respectfully. Even though I didn't believe this crap for a second, it was always nice when someone who does offered to pray for you. I heard the door open and I turned to face the source of the noise. My father stood at the entrance, his eyes puffy. I felt my throat begin to close over and the tears forming in my eyes. My father smiled.

"He has stabilized," he said, his eyes watering. My heart leapt in my chest and I rushed towards my father, letting him pull me into a tight hug.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked, my throat tight. My father squeezed my shoulders.

"I hope so," he mumbled into my hair. I clenched my jaw and tried to compose myself. I could still lose him. I walked with my father back to Dimitri's room and sank down into the chair beside him.

"Dimitri," I murmured, sliding my hand through his. I gave his hand a squeeze and wiped the tears which were spilling down my cheeks. I pulled my legs up under me and closed my eyes.