The sun that illuminates my room in the morning, that wakes up the birds and makes them sing, that takes care of human's health and makes them rise with a smile. I wish I had those qualities. That I would light up the room with my presence or make sure that a smile appears on someone's face when I emerge.
I feel useless in society. If I were to disappear tomorrow, my name would vanish after one day. No one will know of my existence later, although I can't say for sure whether they do now. When I want to escape from reality, I use my imagination. People have often told me that Ill get stuck in my own imagination once. 'You should be a writer', my dad used to say. I tried to write a story about a magical realm but soon I stopped because I can't describe what's going on in my head. Two years ago, my father died as a result of a car accident. Before he died, he was in a coma for five weeks. I haven't had the chance to say goodbye, to hug him and hear that everything will be okay and that hell watch over me. Now it's just my mother and me, since his death she feels like a total stranger. Two strangers living together under one roof. She is very subdued and never wants to talk about him. Her concern makes everything ten times worse, if I get home one minute late, the police are already ready for a search.
Today is Monday, which means I have to go to school. On the way to school it is foggy and a few raindrops fall from the sky. My circle of friends is not that extensive. I like to sit alone and observe people. Sometimes Maeve comes and sits next to me to keep me company and we talk about how strange peers can be. The first class I have, is biology, everyones always half-asleep during biology. Mrs. De Vries is very passionate about her profession; she always stands in front of the class with a big smile with her knitted sweater. Actually, I feel very sorry for her, but I don't really pay attention either. I'm staring out the window. I see the leaves blowing to the other side of the playground and the cleaning lady, who is walking against the wind, towards the toilet with all her cleaning equipment. Suddenly, theres a lot of noise in the classroom. I look at the teacher and see that shes handing out a task. Its a group assignment in which we are not allowed to choose the groups ourselves. When she has handed out all the tasks, she grabs a glass jar from her desk drawer. She creates the groups by drawing names. "Levana," she shouts. That's me... My heart is racing. I hope Thomas doesn't get pulled. He is very good at biology and constantly brags about it. If he hears that I don't know the difference between prokaryotes and eukaryotes, he will bring it up for the rest of the year. "With Jaden," says Mrs. De Vries. I see him turn around in the corner of my eye to make contact with me. He was once a good friend, but after my father's death I shut the world out and he blamed me for that. From then on, I saw him hanging out with the popular students at school. He fits in very well, hes very handsome, 1m 90, has big green eyes and dark brown hair. His moms from Mexico and his dad is Italian. The bell rings and I quickly grab my things to put them in my bag. I walk towards the door and in the distance, I hear someone calling my name. I turn around and see that Jadens taking an accelerated step to get to me. "Can you meet on Wednesday to do the task?" he says confidently. "Thats alright for me, where?" I reply. There is silence for a moment because he's thinking. I know he doesn't want to propose to go to his house because his parents are about to divorce. To get rid of the awkward silence, I suggest we go to our old hangout in the woods. A small smile appeared on his face. "Perfect, we can go there together after school if you want," he suggests. Before I can say I'm fine with it, he's pulled along by his friends. He turns around in the distance and I raise my thumb that he probably didn't see anymore.
