Maidens & Killers

Remember Who You Are

     As I stumble down the dark hallway in front of me, I cling to the back of Sawyer’s shirt. As if this entire experience wasn't one of the worst of my life, I’ve missed another letter exchange Saturday. After announcing our escape, I head directly to my bedroom. I curl up in the fetal position in my bed  and shake with tears. I fall asleep within moments and send up a prayer to any of the Gods listening that my life will give me a break here soon.

     I sleep for over 24 hours, and when I wake, there is a tray of food containing bread and meat and cheese. It makes me think of Garrick and his thoughtfulness immediately and I jump up to see if there is a note or not. I find a slip of paper that reads

Garrick would want you to eat.
Let me know when your up
Imogen

I smile for the first time in probably a week. I grab a piece of bread and pick up the stack of letters that Xaden has  left on my desk. I make myself cozy in my overstuffed chair and proceed to open up Garrick’s letters from the week. I take a deep breath and try to clear the cobwebs of sleeping the last day away before beginning to read what my husband has written me.

Killer,
I feel like it’s been forever since you’ve been in my arms. I lay in bed every night and think of you and your body next to me. I spend more time looking at the mark on my hand than I probably should but it makes me feel closer to you.

In reading that line, I look down at my own hand, and rub the raised spot where Craobh’s burn was during our marriage ceremony.

     I fold Garrick’s most recent letter back up and hide it in my drawer, I will finish it tonight in bed with a cup of tea,  but right now my room feels like it is closing in on me. I haven’t had an anxiety attack in years, but I feel one coming on. I need a distraction. I snag another roll off of the tray, and head to the crowded hallway. There are people every which way and I have to squeeze through to make my way down the corridor. Imogen is probably in class right now,  just us second years got this Monday off to recoup from the weekend's events. I head towards the courtyard to get some fresh air and surprisingly see a familiar head of pink and blonde hair seated on the grass.

     I head towards Imogen and she meets my eyes with a smirk,“Did you eat?”
I nod, “Yea, a bit.” I flop down on the grass next to her and lay down on my back looking up at the sky. It’s blue and cloudless this afternoon and I see sporadic dragons zooming in and out of the area. We don’t speak for a few minutes, as we lay in companionable silence.
“Are you doing alright?” She finally asks me.
I shrug my shoulders and scold my eyes for beginning to fill. I refuse to look weak still in front of fellow cadets as much as possible.
Imogen elbows me, “Hey. You can talk to me, you know.”
I nod and take a shaky breath. “I miss him.”
Imogen chuckles, “Yeah, I’m sure you do. He’s a presence to be missed. Don’t hit me again but shit, I miss him too.”
That brings a smile to my face, “You’re never going to let me live that one down are you?”
She purses her lips and pretends to think for a moment, “No way.”

   “Okay, so you miss your man. You knew that was going to happen. Anything else going on?” She turns and glares at me.
“I mean, I was just tortured. How’s that?” I say snarkier than I intend.
“Yeah, so was I. So has every second year. Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch here but there’s major things going on and we need your head right. Garrick needs you to be solid and you're dropping the ball. You need to remember who you are and what you have accomplished here. When you strolled in here everyone thought you were some poor princess that was going to die before The Gauntlet even. And you showed us all, me included, that you are a force to be reckoned with."
I close my eyes and think of her words. She’s not being unkind, but she’s telling me what I need to hear.
“Hey, Imogen.” I finally say.
“Yeah?” She replies, tearing her eyes away from a group of rebel kids that are walking across the courtyard.
“Thanks. I needed to hear that.” I say, sitting up and pushing my shoulder against hers.
“Anytime, Holsten. You're on my team and I need you at your best.”

   “How’s he doing by the way? I missed asking Xaden this week.” I say.
“They’re having a hard time at the post, Xaden more so than anyone. Garrick seems to be fitting in okay from what I’ve been told. Walking around like a love-sick puppy still” She replies with the roll of her blue eyes.
I snort at that. I’m glad Garrick is doing well and decide then and there that I am going to prioritize getting my head straight. The last thing that I want is to be another thing that Garrick needs to worry about. I need to remember how I got here, and be the bad ass bitch that I can be.

Hey Craobh. Wanna go for a flight?

“I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK RED ONE.”