Maidens & Killers

A Forest Frustration

      Life’s a bitch and then you die, I say to myself repeatedly like a mantra as I walk aimlessly through the woods staring down at my feet. I am pointedly not making eye contact with the blonde haired infantry cadet ten feet to my right who used to be my boyfriend and now is shooting daggers at me with his eyes. Fucking Rider Survival Exercises. When I woke up this morning I did not have coming face to face with Soren on my list of things that I wanted to do today. It’s been weeks since I said goodbye to Garrick, and even though the letters have helped tremendously, I’m missing my man. Especially when I have to try to navigate my way out of a forest, I feel like Garrick would have had me out of this place in an hour tops, and that’s only because he’d spend thirty minutes with me pressed up against a tree.

     But my confidence in Soren and his little infantry friends who are holding our map is slim to none. I glare at Sawyer who easily handed the map over to our infantry companions for this exercise. I really wish that I had a hold of that map. But I'd rather wander this forest forever and die than speak up and have Soren put me down and break my confidence in front of my entire squad. Hey, if I die out here at least Garrick will totally avenge me and kill Soren. Glass half full, that’s me.

       It feels weird not being able to hear Craobh in my head, he’s definitely been keeping me company these last few weeks. Leadership has us blocked from communicating with our dragons for this map reading exercise and everyone of us rider’s is feeling the stress.  Violet has been so preoccupied with her Saturdays with Xaden, and there is tension between her and Rhiannon that I don’t understand. I think that Rhiannon knows there is something big going on and Violet is somehow involved and won’t tell her. Which isn't a lie exactly. They walk together a few feet in front of me, but you could cut the air between them with a knife, hence why I am holding up the rear of this deranged conga line and risking interaction with Unsatisfied Soren.

       I take a sip of water from my nearly empty waterskin and try not to think about the fact that I am 99 percent sure I have seen that exact tree beside me no less than three times. I also try not to think about the fact that it’s Saturday and Xaden is somewhere on Basgaith grounds with a stack of letters for me from Garrick and if I don’t get the fuck out of here, I won’t be able to give him my letters in return. My head is so full of the things I am trying not to think about that I don’t notice that the map wielders beside me have stopped and I slam right into the back of a dark haired infantry guy.
“SHIT. Sorry.” I say as I stagger backwards.
Soren turns around and tries to grab my arm to steady me, making me yank said arm  backwards and now I am for sure going down. I land on my back in the damp leaves and just stare up at the glimpses of sky that I can see through the breaks in the treetops. Maybe Malek will take pity on me and swallow me whole right here and right now, that way I don’t have to get up and finish this exercise.
Almost immediately however I see Violet’s tiny face come into my line of sight, “Oh man, are you okay?” She asks with concern dripping from her voice.
“Yea,” I huff. “I think I just want to die, and that I am not actually going to die.” 
Violet smirks at me, “What are the chances huh?” She says cutting her eyes to a very annoyed looking Soren standing nearby.
“Just my luck lately Vi. Come on, help me up, since you won’t let me rot in peace.” I say reaching a hand up to her.
Violet takes my hand and helps me back up to my feet with more strength than I expect out of her. My girl has been really hitting the gym lately with Imogen, good for her.

         When I am back up and done brushing the dirt off the back of my pants I have no choice but to look up and make eye contact with Soren. It’s so crazy to me now to think that I ever saw anything in those ice blue, emotionless eyes. He reminds me of my brother in law, and most other northern men that I know in all of the worst ways. I’ll take my warm, chocolate brown Tyrrish eyes looking back at me any day thank you very much. I brace myself when I see Soren open his mouth and not surprised that the tone of his voice is distant and uncaring. “You good?” He asks, breaking eye contact with me quickly and looking at just about anything else.
“Ya, I’m fine. Let’s just get the hell out of here, okay?” I say with a bit more desperation in my voice than I had intended.

        Ridoc chuckles, “You just know it’s Saturday and Riorson is here with letters from your maaaaaaaaan.” As if my life didn’t suck enough, Ridoc ends his patronizing statement with obnoxious kissy noises.
And there goes any chance I had of this little exercise ending in any sort of a successful manner. I watch as Soren’s eyes change from dead and emotionless to full of rage in just a few seconds.
“Thanks, Ridoc. I really appreciate you.” I spit at a now confused looking Ridoc.
“YOUR MAN!?” Soren finally blurts out. “Are you fucking kidding me Maeve? Please tell me he is not talking about that wall with no brain that took a cheap shot at me.”
I don’t justify him with a response, I just try to push past Soren and his snickering friends to get to a clear pathway. Fuck this team building shit, I will just find my way out of this nightmare on my own.
“Holy shit. You are with him!” Soren shouts from behind me with laughter in his voice. “Does your dad know? Oh, please let me be there when you tell him.”

       I spin around so that I am facing Soren again. I cannot believe that I am stuck here in these fucking endless woods with this absolute piece of shit when I could be in my bed, reading through letters from a man who would rather die himself than hurt me. As if the weather could sense my mood, as I stomp up to Soren it begins to drizzle down a cold rain that is just enough to piss me off one step more.
I stop in my tracks when I am nose to chest with Soren, glaring up at him. “You sir, do not get to be around me in any capacity that is not forced. You get less than zero say in my life, I would honestly prefer it if you didn’t even know if I was alive or dead. I certainly don’t want to give up any valuable space in my head to you. So please, never speak to me again and hand over the map before I tell everyone here some very specific details about our time together.” I poke him in the chest with my pointer finger for good measure and Soren’s face is one of utter shock. Perfect, sweet, centered Maeve of a year ago would never have spoken to him like that and I hold my head up just a little higher as I snatch the map out of his hand. Ridoc tries to sidle up next to me and look at the map, but I’m pissed at him too.
“You’re in time out too sir!” I say pointing to an open area of the woods away from me.  I shake the map out so that I can see all of it and Violet and Rhiannon come stand beside me and look at the map. It looks like if we have any chance of us making it out of this damn forest it’s going to be up to us girls.