SILENCE | ATEEZ

4 | Lost Vestiges

Through the years she has been behind him, supporting the pure ambition he had once ago, before power changes everything in him. Saera watches as the superiority engulfing away her old friend until it's hard to see a person she thought she once knew. She never understands what's going on in his head, and neither in her own head.

Saera always finds it difficult to understand herself, to understand what she wants. Sometimes it feels like part of her was forgotten, as if she doesn't remember her own self anymore. It was as if she lost a part of her that went away. A fraction of memory that she seems to have lost her grip on, letting it slip away between her fingers.

Saera doesn't know who she used to be before VESTRA.

Her thoughts fly away when a knock fills in the room, alerting both her and Seonghwa. The door opens, revealing a man just about around their age, dressed in a suit. He bows slightly upon the sight of Seonghwa before walking into the room.

"Hongjoong? What brings you here?"

"Apologies for interrupting, President Seonghwa and.. Saera.." his voice sounded like he was forced to be there. "but I am here to inform you that there's been a fight between the newbies just now."

Hongjoong swiftly moves from the door and snaps his fingers as a big screen appears just right on his side. He punches in a few codes before the screen starts to display a recording of a real time event that is happening in the lounge of Astral Ruins. Two males, from a different group were seen going at each other's throats as they're fighting for a weapon.

Seonghwa sighs as he stands up from his seat, walking over to Hongjoong's side. As he walks nearer, uneasiness rises all over the assistant's face. He takes a step back each time the president is one inch closer, fearing something might happen to him. Saera only watches from her seat, her hands gripping down to the armrest.

"What did I say about reporting something that isn't necessary to my concern?"

Hongjoong's hands are fidgeting as he takes in a shaky breath. His eyes are fixed down to the floor while Seonghwa waits for him to respond. Part of him wants to run away and leave the room while he still has the chance to, but he knows the consequences won't be as pretty. Nothing leaves his mouth as he remains silent, biting his lips from saying anything that would anger the president even more.

"Kim Hongjoong?"

"I.. I thought you would've wanted to know the conditions of the newbie's nervous systems as in the few hours they've been introduced to the renewed chemical alterations you've worked on. It seems like this particular batch of newbies have more resistance towards the chemical, and that they don't experience any side effects other than high levels of irritability and anger. It's... it's good news, president."

Seonghwa glares into his eyes as he takes a step back away from the assistant, still maintaining his stance. That particular information intrigues him and he moves to the screen to actually observe the newbies. Hongjoong wasn't lying, the newbies did look healthy and fine, so healthy that they even went to the extent of wounding each other to fight for a weapon. A little grin forms on Seonghwa's face as he turns to Hongjoong.

"You're right. That means they all passed the first chemical testing," his voice trails off as Hongjoong agrees with him, "which also means you are one step closer to producing the antidote. Most of the time, newbies don't last this long after their first dose."

Seonghwa nods in agreement, finally stepping away from the assistant to look for Saera. She doesn't budge from her seat, only staring at them as they speak.

"Saera, look! I've already told you, this batch will be the last one."

"I really hope whatever you say will be true, President," she responds, before walking away from her seat towards the door on Hongjoong's side. She eyes the assistant, and just like she thought, the assistant will always divert his attention to somewhere else instead of looking back at her.

As if she's some kind of threat to him. Not even Seonghwa received this kind of treatment from Hongjoong, given how much worse he was treated by the president himself. It makes her wonder, why did he hate the sight of her so much? She takes one final glance towards him, before her intrusive thoughts win.

Saera nudges slowly at his shoulder, "Would you be down to have a drink or two with me, Hongjoong? I need to discuss something regarding the second dose for the newbies."

The slight touch is like a whole electric shock as Hongjoong abruptly pulls himself away from her, accidentally pushing her away in the process. Saera staggers backwards as she gasps out of shock, trying to maintain her balance. Hongjoong breathes hard as he looks at her with an expression that is hard for anyone to grasp.

"What the heck was that?"

She feels her blood slightly boiling as she picks herself up, dusting her uniform off. All she did was try to be nice and it wasn't enough. Saera balls her fist, feeling her dignity being crushed to the ground as Hongjoong merely stood there without saying anything back. No apologies, no help, just nothing.

Saera advances towards him and grabs him by his collar as her patience wears thin. She drops the cup of coffee she was holding and proceeds to slam him on the wall of the door behind them. Her grip on his neck is surprisingly too strong for Hongjoong to fight back as he struggles to take in his breath while resisting to her side. Saera holds him up higher and she brings her face close enough for him to feel her breath on his face.

"All I ever did was trying to be nice but you just gotta act like a damn coward, don't you? Listen to me and listen to me well, assistant. You.. are no one against me. One more time you disrespect me like this, I'll have you drown in the pool of your own chemicals."

Saera then pulls him off the wall and slams his back again against it with a strength that she doesn't even realise she has. His body crashes on the wall so hard that he falls down to the ground, writhing in pain as his hands go to cover his head, fearing for her next attack. The urge to end him with a kick was strong but Saera then just turns away and slams the door shut on her way out, leaving the mess she had created there.

It's hard to accept the feeling of guilt that builds inside her just after she leaves the room. Saera runs to the lift, pressing the button multiple times as she holds herself from breaking down. She takes in a few breaths and tries to distract herself by walking back and forth in front of the lift, but the voices are still there. It's still there, talking within her ears and mind as it feeds her all those dark thoughts that she has been trying to erase off. Her breath becomes more unstable as she begins to hyperventilate, her hands going above her head and knocking it so hard that it reverberates through her skull.

The lift opens and she runs inside it. Saera's body sinks down to the floor of the lift as tears start to roll down her cheeks and her breath gets shorter. Her chest is pounding like it's having shortages of oxygen as she struggles to breathe properly while her tears stream down. The voices are only getting louder in her ears, breaking her down in every possible way.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

You're just a liar. Liar. Liar.

"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!"

Saera's screams echo through the whole lift as it moves upward, seemingly towards nothing. She can't see anything anymore as the tears blurring her eyes, taking away her vision and breath. Her hands then go back to her head as it knocks on it harder, trying to keep the voices away from her head. It only appears to get even louder, intersecting with her own screams in between.

Liar. Liar. Liar!

She stands on her feet as her head is ringing before she bangs it against the wall of the lift. Her head crashes repeatedly against the cold steel, a distressed and overwhelmed expression etches across her face. Seemingly finding nothing to stop it, she continues to slam her head on the wall, each time followed with guttural screams coming from her throat. Dark crimson streams cascade down from the open wounds on her head, staining both her face and her hair. The relentless impact against the wall intensifies the flow, as she keeps on banging her head against it.

"Please.. make it stop.. make it stop!"

Ironically, back in the room, the president only stands there, watching the whole scene unfold on the screen in front of him.