Flutter By

Comfortable Distance

After taking a few chances, Titli swore she was done with Swarnav. There was something wrong in the way he treated her: at times sweeping her off her feet and at times giving her the cold shoulder. At first she felt her ego was getting in the way but then she decided there was nothing wrong with having standards.

Titli had been talking to a friend with shared interests, Niladri. She really enjoyed talking to him. He always had something interesting to say or some incisive quote to share. Often they would talk about dreams, big dreams. There was something about him: he was true to himself and always very clear to others. She found him reliable and genuine. Their relationship was one of simplicity. They respected each other's needs and maintained just enough space. To add to that, there was also plenty of fandom ranting and humor. Titli could not have imagined a better equation.

One day Niladri said:

"If I ever buy a white shepherd, guess what I'll name it?"

"Ghost. Obviously." Titli replied, catching the Game of Thrones cue "I would have given mine the same name."

"Then I'll name mine Nymeria."

"Are you going to name your daughter Arya?"

"I'll never marry. But yes, if I adopt a girl I'll name her Arya."

"And why will you NEVER marry?"

"I just don't see myself spending the rest of my life with one person in one place. I'd rather wander."

"With Arya?" Titli chuckled.

"YES! I'll grow a beard, grow out my hair and travel the world with the kid."

"Maybe I'll tag along."

"Do. She'll call you 'cool aunt Titas'."

"I think I'd love that!"

"The three of us could get matching tattoos that say 'All that wander are not lost'. We could go to the Himalayas and camp under the stars."

"Let's do this someday."

"But what will Arya say if she walks in on her aunt and dad making out?"

"She'll learn to shut her eyes and walk out"

There is too much comfort in wishful thinking. But this vibrancy is like a sheer veil that hides the bride's tears. The moment it slips away, the echo of the same laughter that once brought relief slowly begins to haunt. Titli understood the extremity of her own emotions pretty well. Even when she felt happy, deep down, she always feared that this happiness would be stripped away soon. Her concern had nothing to do with Niladri though. It was Swarnav's birthday and Titli heard that his ex was back from abroad. She had planned to spend the day with him but someone else got that opportunity. Titli realized that no matter how loudly she claimed, she was not really 'done with Swarnav'. She did not want to suppress her feelings anymore. Moving on needs time, and she was in no hurry.