AURORA | 𝙼𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗 𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢

My Funky Valentine

Phil : Happy valentine's day.
Claire : Oh, happy valentine's day. Aw. Claire & Phil : Ohh!
Claire : Mwah. So, Fratelli's tonight? Phil : Hello, cannoli canoe.

»»———-　　———-««

Jay : I like it. Nice fit. Swanky material.
Gloria : Jay, you look so strong and sexy, Like an Olympic wrestler but with money.
Jay : Your turn.
Gloria : Okay. It's my favorite day in America!
Jay : Happy valentine's day, gorgeous.
Gloria : They're huge! Oh, my god!
Jay : Yeah, those will work.
Gloria : Beautiful.
Jay : You can wear them tonight. I have a surprise.
Gloria : Don't tell me, you're finally taking me salsa dancing! And who's David Brenner?
Jay : Only a Vegas legend.
Gloria : Is he a magician? 'Cause I love magicians.
Jay : He's a comedian.
Gloria : A comedian... It's Valentine's Day. I thought we were going salsa dancing, not to watch a comedian.
Jay : You're gonna love him. Trust me. The guy's hilarious!
Gloria : Okay. Tell me one of his jokes.
Jay : Well, he doesn't do jokes.
Gloria : Does he have a mallet?
Jay : No.
Gloria : So, then, how does he get hit in the head?
Jay : He doesn't get "hit in the head." He... he makes observations He tells the truth in a funny way. Come on, he's been on "Johnny Carson" a hundred times.
Gloria : Who the hell is Johnny Carson?
Jay : Oh, for God's sake.

»»———-　　———-««

Jay : Gloria and I are from different generations, And I won't lie... it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.
Gloria : No, I didn't.
Jay : It was a joke.
Gloria : I don't get it.
Jay : Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
Gloria : Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.

»»———-　　———-««

Mitchell : Just stay in Northern Cal... Did you indicate to her... ...How long that you were gonna take?
Cameron : Happy valentine's day.
Mitchell : Happy valentine's day.
Cameron : "happy valentine's day, daddy."
Mitchell : Happy valentine's day, Lily.
Cameron : Notice anything different?
Mitchell : Oh, that is cute.
Cameron : "cute"? We spent a lot of time on this.
Mitchell : I don't see how. You just cut up one of your boas. Cameron : Actually, no, we repurposed it. It was sort of a "Bob Mackie meets Martha Stewart" project. Okay, well, we just thought it would be a nice surprise.
Mitchell : Well, it's hardly a surprise. I mean, you dress her up for every holiday. I was giving her a bath last night, and I still saw traces of Martin Luther King behind her ear.
Cameron : All right, not in the spirit. We get it.
Mitchell : No, I'm s... I'm sorry. No, it's adorable. I just... I'm really nervous about my closing argument.
Cameron : Oh, you've been rehearsing for weeks. You're gonna be great.
Mitchell : Let's hope so.
Cameron : Hey, and I was wondering... Since you're gonna be in court all day...
Mitchell : Yeah, you can open the chocolates.
Cameron : Score!

»»———-　　———-««

Claire : Hi, Dylan.
Dylan : Happy valentine's day, Mrs. Dunphy.
Claire : Oh! Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet.
Dylan : You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.
Claire : Huh. Conflicted.
Haley : Hey, baby!
Dylan : Hey. Take this sweet gift as a token of my affection, My unending love and admiration.
Haley : Oh, my god! Yay, it's big! Oh my god I love it, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!
Dylan : Well, seriously you got to put a black light on it. It'll blow your mind.
Claire : Wow. Dylan, I didn't know you could paint.
Dylan : Oh, I didn't. I just took a photo, and I put it through this program that turns it into a painting.
Claire : Oh! Oh. So you two a-actually did... that.
Haley : Uh-huh.
Claire : Yeah. Okay.
Haley : Let's go put this over my bed.
Claire : No. No, no. You don't need to. At all. I'll take it.