AURORA | 𝙼𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗 𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢

Not In My House

Phil : Beautiful morning, isn't it? It's a shame you have to work, huh? Anyway, I would like a large sausage and pepperoni
Haley : Hey, move.
Alex : It's my stuff! Okay?
Haley : Just keep your hands off my stuff!
Phil: Hey!
Alex : I didn't put my hands on your stuff!
Phil : Hey! Just a second, Derek. What is the problem? Haley : Alex read my journal.
Alex : I did not! Why would I even want to read your stupid journal?
Haley : Because it contains the details of a life, And yo don't have one!
Alex: Ohh!
Phil : Alex, don't read Haley's journal.
Alex: Uhh!
Phil : Sorry. My daughters. You got kids? Oh. What grade are you in?
Claire : Phil!
Phil : Oh, that's my wife, Claire.
Claire : Luke was using my computer. For this.
Phil : I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back.
Claire : He told me he needed it to do homework, And then I find this... A-a picture of a topless woman, With the biggest boobs I have ever seen, Driving a tractor.
Phil : Okay, um, uh, first of all, That's a combine, not a tractor. Claire : Phil! Phil, it is smut, and our 10-year-old is looking at smut! It's disgusting!
Phil : Completely unacceptable.

»»———-　　———-««

Phil : Here's the thing... that was my picture. Well, not really mine. There's this guy at work who sends out these links. Does... doesn't matter who. Gil Thorpe. He sent out another one Of the same woman dressed as a battleship. You know, the... you get... yeah. And then one of the transformers. And then it... it... Anyway, I had every intention of telling Claire. I just wanted her to calm down first.

»»———-　　———-««

Phil : Where are you going?
Claire : I'm going to pick up Luke from his sleepover. We need to talk to him about this now.
Phil : Claire, this is a very delicate situation. If we don't handle it right, Luke might end up having an unhealthy attitude about sex. Or agribusiness. We'll talk about it when he gets home.
Claire : Okay. Fine. But I am telling him that every time he looks at porn, God kills a puppy.
Phil : Maybe I should be the one to talk to him.

»»———-　　———-««

Gloria : I am a very lucky woman. I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home. There's nothing that I would change. I hate the dog butler. I keep forgetting it's there, And every time it happens, it scares me all over again. Sometimes, at night, I think it's the devil. El diablo.

»»———-　　———-««

Jay : Barkley? He's hilarious. I was in Vegas last month, and I was winning... ...And I thought, I could do the usual... Be a chump, give the money back to the casino... Or I could do something smart and buy something for myself at the casino store. He's already a family favorite.

»»———-　　———-««

Elena: He's not a family favourite.

»»———-　　———-««

Jay : Rub his chin a little under there. He likes that. There you go. Beautiful. There you go.

»»———-　　———-««

Jay : He's a dog and a butler. I mean, who couldn't love him?
Gloria : Stupid dog.

»»———-　　———-««

Cameron : Okay, ready to go.
Mitchell : Oh, make sure you pee first.
Cameron : What am I, 7 years old?
Mitchell : No, you do not want to go during the show. The marionettes stop what they're doing, March to the edge of the stage, and point at you.
Cameron : Okay, that sounds terrifying.
Mitchell : It's really funny.