Since, A Novel

xiii. THE GREAT PERISHING AFTER PENETRATION

The idea of someone having confessed their feelings to her after putting her in a small sense of debasement and forward criticism, that, luckily, did not exactly outreached any of her lowest points but did make her question herself even more; her being and if she should contain it, or control it, or leave it be, and it was rather all at once unbearable. Yūn could feel something feeding on her, and it was not the loud silence.

          "Can you say something?" there was a sheer strain on Georgette's voice, like it was of a lump in her throat. The sight of the girl beside her stayed in her periphery, supporting that her gaze should stay anywhere but to her.

          "What do you want me to say?"
          "Anything?"

A silence.

          "George, I don't know why you're even here with
          me," Yūn told her, fiddling with the cold tips of her fingers.
          "What's that even s'posed to mean?" she asked, her face distorting.
          "What do I not mean?" was Yun's reply, briefly fixating her gaze on the girl. It was graceful, Yun's gaze, like she was genuine in wanting to know. "I asked you
          why we should even be friends."

Again, silence.

          "If we're not friends then why'd you give me a
          nickname? 'George'? Who even calls me that?"
          "I don't know,"
          "Exactly." Georgette said, facing her. "No one calls
          me that. I may sound like I'm making a big deal
          out of little things–"
          "You always are," Yun murmured, her eyes on her hands.
          "BUT—yes, okay. It's all biggie to me. 'Cause I like
          you."

And Yūn was not too sure about everything that was going on. Georgette Wills. The girl who would always bug and irk and even madden her (not mad-mad, but it would bring out the quiet, helpless crazy in her) and asking nonsense questions with nonsense answers. As she had thought before, she did not exactly despise Georgette. She did not appreciate, however, the other girl's attitude and behavior; how she would talk; her tone, what she would say; sometimes it'd be the meanest, what she'd whine about; inconveniences, from least to greatest (but least, most of the time). But that was all before the big and long week of the school fair. Yūn thought that it was needless to be friends with the other girl to enjoy a little about the events—which she—they—did enjoy after all.

She'd observe that Georgette tended to be careless about her actions, especially her unwise words (which were also, at times, hilarious, she wanted to admit) that Yūn had wondered how the other girl was at home; how she was raised, how was she talked to, how was she looked at, how was she—yes, it went to the point of almost having an existential deliberation about Georgette: what made her like that; what made her think and talk and act like that. Back at the fair, Yūn would find herself somewhat both surprised and concerned about the other girl; how she did know how to be a friend (after suggesting that Yūn should stay in the long queue for the school band, Coffee and Chrome, while Georgette should go fetch water bottles for the both of them; the area was moist and Yūn began sweating. In less than a minute, Georgette handed her the colder water bottle whereas hers was the warm one, and she'd say this smugly: "Heh. I'm a room-temperature water drinker.").

Everyone had a great time in the mini concert, and Yūn saw Georgette's spirits the most; her enthusiasm of the songs the band had played, and told Yūn that four of them were her favorites. When the crew went off for a five-minute break, Georgette told her about the artists she knew that had become some of the biggest hits in their times, and how she had witnessed all of them thrive in YouTube as who was once underrated, cold-shouldered, and rejected artists and now being adored by billions of audience live all around the world—that Georgette was beyond happy to have continued seeing their success. And in those five minutes, Yūn was already thinking about when the two of them should go together again next time. If there ever were another school fair, thinking that maybe it could be next year so that they'd let each other's gusto about things rub off of each other—to get to know each other better. But Yūn liked to stay in the impression that they were only two strangers who were stuck with each other, having no one to expose the real self with.