Who you are

Au Revoir Mon Ami

It was silent. No one needed to talk or move to know what happened. Seongwha almost rushed into action but his body stopped him. There was no need to rush around like a mad hen; it was over and he could do nothing to stop it or change the results. Yeosang covered his face, crying softly. Yunho had tried to get up to go to Wooyoung but Seongwha stopped him. This was his job and not something Yunho should worry about. Seongwha stopped right before the door, knocking gently before going inside.

"Wooyoung?" Seongwha tried not to scare the poor kid, who was already worked up enough. He was still clinging to San, laying next to his lifeless friend when Seongwha walked in.

"I knew he was going! I was going to get you, but he told me not to! He wanted me with him and now he...!" Wooyoung's voice hitched at the end, his face crumpling up as he burst into loud cries again. Seongwha hugged him.

"I was supposed to go first, hyung!" Wooyoung sobbed. Seongwha froze. Everyone had known it; that Wooyoung was in worse condition and had less time to live but sometimes things happen, and no one understands why. Seongwha had a slight suspicion that San had been hiding how bad things really were from the others, especially after the sudden attack he had a few days before.

"It's okay Woo" Seongwha didn't know why he said that. It wasn't okay; he couldn't even bring himself to look at San. Wooyoung clung to Seongwha, clutching his shirt tightly in one hand. Seongwha gathered all his strength and picked up Wooyoung, carrying him out of the room.

"It-did he...?" Hongjoong stopped, not really sure what to say. He didn't know a lot about these guys, his memories kept failing him, so he didn't remember anything about them or the hospital, but he knew this was something very big for all of them. Seongwha nodded once, laying Wooyoung in Mingi's arms and turning back to San's room.

"Do you want help? I can go get one of the others" Hongjoong offered.

"No. All of you, stay out of that room. I'm going downstairs for a minute" Seongwha snapped, heading for the elevator.

"Call the funeral home" Seongwha ordered. Soobin scrambled to grab the phone but then he paused.

"Who am I calling for?" Soobin wondered, fearing the answer. Seongwha sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like it was the first one that he had taken in the past hour.

"Choi San. I'm going to call his parents or sister so they can be here before the mortuary guys" Seongwha walked outside and relaxed a little as soon as the cold air had hit him. As soon as he had hung up the phone, he went back to the third floor. On the way up there, he ran into a certain sunshine, but it was clear that the news had spread quickly because the sunshine was dimmed.

"Hi Felix. Where's Chan?" Seongwha questioned, looking around for any sign of the older man but there was none.

"He doesn't know I'm out here. I heard Wooyoung crying. Is he okay?" Felix explained, looking nervous. Seongwha put an arm around him, ignoring his own emotions for the time being.

"It's San" Seongwha prepared himself. His boys were close to everyone in the hospital but none as much as the SKZ floor. A lot of the patients from both floors had arrived at the same time and had bonded over their impending deaths.

"Oh" Felix hung his head. Seongwha tried to check if he was okay, but it was hard with the kid hanging his head.

"Do you want to go see Wooyoung?" Seongwha offered, already walking that way with his arm still around Felix.

"Can I?" Felix wondered, finally lifting his head.

"Of course. He'd love to see you and I'm sure he could use the support right now" Seongwha nodded, pressing the small 3 in the elevator. The black paint was chipping on several buttons, but Seongwha had the floors memorized so he didn't need them. Felix stayed tucked under his arm until the doors opened and then all it took was one look at Wooyoung and Felix was running over, dropping to his knees in front of his friend and taking Wooyoung's hand in his smaller ones, squeezing tightly. Wooyoung stared at him for a moment and then he was also on the floor, clinging to his friend.

"It's okay. I'm here" Felix promised. Everyone was watching but they might as well have been invisible. The two on the floor had no idea they were there and did not seem to care one bit.

"He's gone, Lixxie!" Wooyoung sobbed. Felix petted his hair, hugging him tightly.

"I know he is, Wooyoung. I know" Felix nodded. Wooyoung started crying again even harder, shoving his face deeper into Felix's arms and staying there. Felix had no problem to stay there up until Chan came to get him but as soon as the older man saw what was happening, he switched his attention onto Seongwha, pulling him away.

"Are you okay?" Chan wondered.

"Everyone's going so fast. I knew it was coming but I wasn't prepared and... I'm scared, hyung" Seongwha admitted. The words felt strange on his tongue. He had never said those words before and they felt foreign to him.

"It's understandable. We're all scared. Sometimes I think us nurses are more scared of what's to come than the people who are actually sick" Chan joked but quickly stopped and went back to being serious.

"The funeral home truck is here. Are you ready?" Chan reported. Seongwha figured out quickly that was the whole reason that Chan was up there in the first place.

"I guess so but not really" Seongwha hugged himself, covering his stomach with his arms.

"You don't have to watch if you don't want to. I can go with San down there if you want me to as long as you keep the guys from watching. I don't want Felix seeing this" Chan suggested. Seongwha knew that he was going to break down as soon as he saw San's body being taken out but he needed to see this until the end. This was the last moment that he was going to see the precious boy that had been his patient for the past two years. It was time to say goodbye and that was not something that Seongwha was going to just skip out on because he was scared.

"I'm going to take the others into see him one last time, probably not Wooyoung though, but if you could keep them distracted, I need to do this" Seongwha decided. Chan seemed worried but he nodded and walked back with his friend to the small entrance/living room where the guys could sit together and relax if they wanted to. There was a small TV in one corner, mounted on the wall, a reading corner and a bookshelf with board games, card games and books on it. Plus, a table that currently had an unfinished puzzle occupying it.

"Yeosang, Jongho, Yunho, Mingi, do you want to see him before the funeral home guys come up?" Seongwha bit back his own emotions again. He would have plenty of time to mourn later when everything was taken care of, and the guys were okay.

"Can I see him too?" Felix wondered. Seongwha turned to Chan to answer.

"Just for a little bit" Chan nodded. He could see that Felix was tired and he didn't want the poor kid to be traumatized. Felix got up, following Yeosang and Mingi into the room on the end of the hall. Yunho and Jongho brought up the rear. Hongjoong stayed sitting, holding Wooyoung. He would've liked to be included but he understood why he wasn't. It wasn't like Hongjoong knew San and the other guys had known San a lot longer so they should get the chance to say goodbye.

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Seongwha closed the door for the last time, blocking off an ended part of his life. Never again would he hear San's laugh or be woken up in the middle of the night by San calling him from the hospital. He was going to miss their late-night talks and waking up to a funny meme from San.

"I'm heading out now. Are you guys okay?" Seongwha wondered, facing the guys. No one said anything.

"No?" Seongwha prompted. Wooyoung approached him, grabbing Seongwha's hand.

"Stay, hyung?" Wooyoung pleaded, looking so much younger. There were dark circles under his eyes and the skin around his eyes was red and puffy. Seongwha smiled sadly, squeezing Wooyoung's hand.

"Of course, Wooyoung. Anything for you" Seongwha promised. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay at the hospital one night. Just in case anyone needed him, Seongwha told himself but he knew that wasn't the real reason that he was staying. Not really.