Started With a Lie

Chapter Forty-Five

               Okay, bad comparison.

               "Let's cross the street," Giselle says, interrupting my thoughts.

               I blink. Across the street is where he lives. "Um, why?"

              She nudges her chin to the slow crowds in front of us. "This is going to take forever to go by," she informs me, inspecting the people. "There's only, like, ten people across the street."

              I want to protest but what can I say? Sorry, my ex lives there? As if such casual words could describe what Lee and I hav—had. "Um...sure."

                So we do. And I hold my breath we J-walk through tight traffic and reach the other street. I start squeezing my hands into fists when we walk by. It's like I just know that he's physically there. I can sense it. He's not at a meeting or anywhere. He's home. And he's about ten, now eight, feet away. Well, not counting the billions of floors.

                  Suddenly, the crowds from across the street realize it's too stuffy and cross the street too. Giselle and I link elbows as we start getting pushed around. Actually, Giselle is like a rhino and I'm just a tiny cat in this massive crowd.

                "Mr. Richardson, evening," I hear someone say. My heart lurches.

                 "Evening, Thomas. Just going on a walk."

                "At this time? That's strange for you."

                 "I can't seem to be comfortable. I can't sleep or work. Maybe a walk will do the trick."

                     "Maybe," Thomas replies.

                  I've been looking down this entire time, trying to blend in with the crowd. I want to see him but I don't. The crowd is still moving through but I steal a glance upwards, wondering if it's really him. I'm passing right by the entrance of his hotel but there are about four people shielding me from actually being in plain sight.

             He looks absolutely perfect. In black pants and a dark purple button-up that's buttoned low, he stands by the doorman with his hands in his pocket, sleeves folded at his elbows. God, I miss him. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and yet here we are again. Here I am, anyway.

               Lee does a casual stare around, turning his head swiftly left to right as if deciding when it's best to step into the mass movement of people. The guy on my right shifts right then and Giselle and I are for one second in Lee's sight. Lee's eyes land on mine but he doesn't register me as he turns his head back to the left. Quickly, his head turns back as if he just processed what he saw but I look away and walk faster, dragging Giselle.

                 "Wow, you're in a rush," she comments, squeezing through people and trying to catch up.

                "Yep. Excited for our dorm," I lie. We get to the station a couple minutes later. In our dorm, we chat a couple minutes or maybe an hour, talking more about our lives. We make a list of what each person is going to bring: tv, lamps, etc. Around one in the morning, we both leave.

                 Even on the drive back, my heart feels like it's been thrown against a wall. No more.

The rest of July is boring and bland. Time flies by and I feel like this girl not ready to be a woman standing in the center of the world as it flashes by in rapid speed, lifeless even though I'm breathing. I do school work, go to actual work, take care of Mom, move her to Manhattan, pack up my Brownwood life and room, check in with Brent and Candy every other day. I don't see Mark often anymore. I wonder if it has anything to do with Anne. I'm still patiently waiting for the explanation to come out by itself. No more petty spying and lying.