It's been an emotionally draining few weeks. It was good to see my friends and my dad again, but I missed my mom, and if I'm being honest... I missed Logan.
I did try to talk to him over the phone, but he mostly has me short answers or ignored me. I don't regret leaving, but I regret leaving him.
As I left the airport, I looked around for my mom, but instead, I saw Logan.
My heart raced as I walked towards him. The last time we spoke, things were tense between us because I had ended our relationship. I wasn't sure how he felt about me now.
I nervously approached him with my suitcase, and we stared at each other for a long time.
"Hey," he said, his voice cold and distant.
"Hi," I replied, unsure of what to say.
He took my suitcase and led me to his truck. We both got in, still in complete silence.
"So... how have you been?" I ask, glancing at him nervously.
"Fine, I guess." He mumbles, but he doesn't look at me, not even a side glance.
"Logan I-"
"Not now."
I sigh and slump back into my seat. He clearly doesn't want to talk, and I won't force him.
~
As soon as I walked up to the front desk at the hospital, my mom ran up to me.
"Sweetheart, you're back!" my mom exclaimed as she saw me.
"Hi, mom," I replied, giving her a hug.
As she hugged me tightly, she could sense that something was off. "Are you okay? You don't look well," she said, concern evident in her voice.
"I'm fine, just a bit nauseous," I replied, trying to brush it off. "It's probably from the flight."
But my mom wasn't convinced. "You never get travel sick, though. Are you on your period? Maybe that's why you're not feeling well," she suggested.
"No, I haven't got -" I stop talking mid sentence, trying to remember when I'm supposed to get my period. I pull my phone out from my back pocket to check my Flo app.
"Oh my god." I mumble
My mom noticed my sudden change in facial expression. "Is everything okay?" She asked.
"I.. I'm late. Like really late late." I say to her. I can feel my pulse beginning to quicken and my trembling hands.
My mom wraps her arm around my shoulder and takes me to an empty patient room.
"Is there a chance you could be... pregnant?" She asked softly as she sat me down.
"I mean.. I.. I guess.."
She sighs and rubs by arm, which causes me to break down into tears.
"How could I be so stupid, mom? I. I can't be.. I can't have a..." I can't even say the word it sends me into a panic.
"I'll run a test for you, just to be sure. Don't worry, we'll figure it out together," she reassured me.
My mom then handed me a small container. "There's a bathroom right in there.. take you time.." she says to me.
I can tell she's scared even though she's being supportive.
I want this done quickly, so I basically ran to the bathroom and peed in that little cup. I quickly closed it and washed the outside and my hands before I came back out and handed her the cup.
She ran the pregnancy test in front of me. My heart was racing as I waited for the results. My mind was flooded with thoughts and fears about what this could mean for me and my future.
God, what about Logan? How am I going to tell him? How do I explain this to my mom and his dad?
"It's positive, honey.."
"Fuck." I mumble with tears in my eyes.
"Do you know who the dad is?" She asks.
I can't speak, so I just nod. She seems relieved and hugs me.
"Can I ask who it is?" She asks.
I can't stop the tears from falling, and the lump in my throat grows by the minute. I thought I could keep this secret to the grave, but I can't.
"It's Logan..."
She pulls away and stares at me in shock and disbelief. "Y-you and.. No, April, why?" She said softly.
"I'm sorry." I sob.
I know she's disappointed in me if not disgusted. She takes me into her arms again and sighs.
"Don't worry. We'll figure this out," she said, trying to comfort me. "Come on, let me run an ultrasound to see how far long you are."
"Okay." I reply back with a shakey vioce.
She led me to a bed and asked me to lay back. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the screen. I didn't want to face the reality of my situation.
She lifted my top and placed the gel on my belly, but I kept my eyes closed.
I'm such a screw up. I fucked my step brother, I fucked up at my new school and now I'm pregnant. I didn't miss the pill, not one day.
"Okay, you look like you're about twelve weeks." My mom says.
As I opened my eyes and saw the screen, I saw the tiny figure moving inside of me. I couldn't believe that this tiny being was growing inside of me. But I didn't feel happy. I felt overwhelmed and scared.
I feel like there's an alien inside me. Something that has taken over my body. Something that shouldn't be there.
My mom notices my unhappy face, and she wipes the gel off my belly.
"Look, baby girl, there are options. You don't have to have a baby if you don't want to. I support you but you need to decide soon."
"I.."
She hugs me tightly. "I won't say anything until you talk to Logan, okay?"
"I have to tell him?" I ask softly.
"Yes.. he at least deserves to know that much. He hasn't been the same since you left, and now I know why." She whispers as she caresses my head.
I cry into my mom's shoulder, unable to speak for myself.
"It's okay.. it's okay..."
~
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