Enhypen Imagines

★ | I really wanna be yours

"Why can't you let me be your boyfriend?" Niki asked in a bit of an irritating tone as I snapped out of my thoughts. He really looked annoyed by now. Can't blame him, anyone would be. But it's equally frustrating for me as well. I have to keep pretending that I'm too mature for these things and that I hate him but deep down in my heart I also crave for this stupid lovesickness. "And why can't you just accept that I can't be your girlfriend?" I replied back, definitely in a more irritating tone. He scoffed and looked straight at me. "I definitely will treat you well, I will teach you games, I can be with you always so these boys will know not to make you feel uncomfortable, I can listen to you ranting all day along, and I'll even let you learn makeup on my face." He said now getting a little emotional. It's so frustrating, no matter how much I push him away, he just comes back with more sweet answers.

"First I have a strict family and I don't want to break their trust ever in my entire life and second-'' he interrupted this time with a much louder voice, "Second what? That you're too good for relationships and having boyfriends? Why are you even trying to live for others' expectations?" I clenched my fists. He was starting to point out my exact weak traits and I didn't like it a bit. No matter how I plan to live my life, he can't just tell me what to do and what not. And before I could think of my words I replied back, "Second because I don't like you. I know very well that you definitely have girls waiting for you desperately, and I know relationships for you are just a way to keep up with status. So I don't want someone like you to be my first boyfriend."

He was taken aback with my enraged answer, in fact I was too. That's not how I thought of him, not even any near to it. I know that he is not like other boys, and that he'll never stoop too low just for fun. I regretted every word of mine but it was now suffocating to stop him and apologize and explain to him that I said all those things just to satisfy my ego. He just smiled bitterly and went off to the canteen, just as the bell rang.

I sat at my seat, now feeling guilty and terrible for even thinking of all those things. The things he promised to do after being my boyfriend were the things he was already doing for me but unintentionally. I never felt uncomfortable around him. Not that he ever hesitated for testing out makeup products with me, and he was already complimenting my every little effort, sometimes even for just existing.

A loud cheering and hooting noise from the canteen drew everyone's attention as I went in there with my friends only to witness the sight I'll feel sick over. There was this beautiful girl from another class on her knees with Niki's favorite flowers, proposing to him. She was looking at him with so much love, the one I was afraid to even hint it for others to notice. I feel my stomach flipping and my heart dropped. She then mumbled something, one I couldn't figure out since other students were already so excited. Niki smiled wide in response.

And suddenly the whole scene became blurry, my friends were shrugging me by the arm, cheering and supporting Niki and that girl. Until one of them said, "Y/N I heard she's the girl Niki had crush on before you, maybe you'll finally get rid of him, he won't disturb you." She said happily and then again started chanting, "Make her your girlfriend!" along with everyone else in the cafeteria. Finally get rid of him? Why do I feel so sick when this is all I ever wanted? He'll finally be with someone and I won't get distracted and that'll make everyone proud over me for not being involved in these types of things. Sure I should be happy right? Then why are my eyes all too blurry with tears? And why do I feel so heavy in my chest?

I just stared at the girl, envying her for able to express her feelings so openly without having to care about her "image" when my eyes went to Niki and he glanced at me at the same time, I could feel a stupid tear fell from my eyes and I quickly turned around and ran off from there. I quickly went to my seat, took my bag, asked for a medical half day leave since I practically felt suffocation throughout my body and went home.