A man of the past.

Lan Xichen heard a knock on his door; without looking up, he tells them to come in. “Xichen.” Only having heard his name did he look up – he sees a young man of elegance in his white uniform—with a such a dull expression on the face, Xichen recognizes, “Wangji, you came. Is something the matter?”

The man proceeds to come in, sitting across the table from his brother Xichen. Having read his expressions, Xichen greets him with a warm smile, “Wangji, you needn’t worry so much. I am fine. Young master Wei must be looking for you right now.” But Lan Wangji holds his gaze on Xichen, “Wei Ying is asleep,” he says back.

“Master Wei should wake up any minute now, you wouldn’t want him to wake up without by his side, no?” This time, Wangji says nothing, and by this, Xichen knows that he can't push his brother away. He lets out a shaky sigh—a sigh seemingly he wants to let out so long ago—as he puts down his cup of tea on the table.

Ever since they were kids, Xichen has always been the one good with talking, but if there's anyone who can read expressions very well, who can see through his ever-so gentle smile—is Lan Wangji.

The two stayed with silence, either of the two breaking it. Until, "Xiongzhang."

It has been a while since Lan Wangji ever called him like that. Considering his seclusion took a few months or so. He's only been back for a couple of weeks, and everything's still fresh to him. He wouldn't wonder why Lan Wangji's still worried for him.

"Wangji, if there's anyone who understands me most, I expect it'd be you."

"... Mn."

Xichen was the one who witnessed the most grieving from his brother after losing his beloved. He was the one to witness him recklessly drinking, he was the one who watched as his brother branded himself on his chest; it pains him. What did he do during those times?

He succumbed under the orders of their uncle, he could not comfort the grief that pained his brother. So why was his brother sitting before him with such a worried look?

"I am sorry, Wangji. I saw your grief the most yet I acted the least. How good of a brother am I... I couldn’t even stop you from branding yourself.”

He tried, but he was already too late—the brand of the now-extinct Wen clan is now atop his brother’s chest, forever scarring it. Just like his sorrow, it feels like eternity ‘til he can redeem himself. Just like the brand on Wangji’s chest, this misery of his will forever scar him.

Yet his brother’s ended after 13 years – him reuniting with his husband. But what about him? How many years does he have to wait for Meng Yao? How many Emperors’ Smile must he drink? How many grieving tunes must he play?

Just like his brother, Lan Wangji witnessed the fall of Wei Wuxian. He too—witnessed as the crushing pillar alongside Mingjue’s resentment swallowed up Meng Yao. It was a miracle for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. But what about him? All that was left of his beloved was Meng Yao’s most treasured hat, and nothing more.

“Brother,” Wangji softly mutters, both reassuring Xichen, and to tell him to tell more.

Both went through the same thing. They both loved the person the world hated the most. But there will always be a difference—Lan Wangji was ready to and did defy the world just for Wei Wuxian even after his death and revival. While Lan Xichen succumbed to the opinions of the world—he could not protect his beloved’s name as they disgraced it further, furthermore, he could not stop his beloved from disgracing his own name.

“Wangji, tell me. Is this also how you felt? Is this also how you felt when the world disgraced and dirtied Master Wei's name and reputation? When they repeatedly mocked and dirtied his image; when the world teamed up against him?” Lan Wangji couldn't say anything. "Forgive me, Wangji. I couldn't do anything in my power to help you during those times; I didn't expect that such will cause me too much misery as well."

It hurts. "It hurts," But why? "I regretted everything." He regretted that the man he trusted, the man he helped; the man whom he loved could do such despicable things. "But I regretted the most is that, I couldn't stop him from doing those—I could've helped him live a better life."

Unexpectedly, Xichen found himself wrapped in an embrace—an embrace not so tight, but he could feel Lan Wangji's comfort and sympathy. He returned the embrace as tears lingered in his eyes. He cried. He was crying in his brother's arms.

When was the last time they were like this? They weren't even trained disciples yet when the two lastly held each other closely. It has been long, yet it also felt like yesterday.

The scent of sandalwood and tea of Lan Wangji wrapped up Lan Xichen, not holding back as he shed more tears—the grasp of comfort lingered in his brother's arms, it's what he had always longed for since.

Looking back, when was the last time he held Meng Yao close in his arms? For Meng Yao, it must be the time where he carried an unconscious Lan Xichen from the burning of Cloud Recesses, but he passed out; he couldn't remember any of that moment till he woke up, away from Meng Yao's arms.

The only time he was conscious and alive was at the guanyin temple—why did it have to be that?—the time where the two locked eyes, both hoping for a sense of understanding and justice.

Lan Wangji caught Xichen each time his grasp loosened; "I know, brother. I know."

-------

"You've changed, A-Yao."

"..."

"I have always been like this."

"Lan Xichen."

-------

"Wei Ying, come back to Gusu with me."

"..."

"Get lost."

"Lan Wangji."

-------/-------

End of chapter.