𝐒𝐤𝐳 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ✿︎

Just like you do every night. (Jisung)

Genre ---> Angst.
⚠︎TW⚠︎ ---> brief mentions of past sa, attempted suicide??

A vent oneshot based off me lol

-☆.✧*-

Jisung could just about write an entire book about everything he hates about himself.

He believes he's stupid, ugly, useless, disgusting, a waste of time, too hyper, weird, a disappointment to everyone around him, lazy, and the list could go on for days.

He lost all his friends for being himself and not good enough to stay, is failing at school, is in a relationship with someone he doesn't love but can't bring himself to break their fragile heart, his parents hate him, he's a horrible person. he can't even do simple things, if he's this fucked up and weak then what's the point of living?

He's always fucking crying about something that would be no big deal to a normal person.

Everything that's ever happened to him was his fault.

It's his fault his mom is a drug addict. It's his fault his father is an alcoholic
It's his fault his body was used for so many other people's pleasure his entire childhood, it's his fault that nobody noticed either.
it's his fault that he's all dirty, gross and used up now.
It's his fault he's worth nothing of value.
It's his fault nobody loves him.
It's his fault that he can't stand to be alive anymore.
It's his fault he wants to die.

He was already set up for failure in his life so it seemed like the best thing to do.

That's why he was sitting in against his bedroom door, blood trickling down his thighs, his hand muffling his sobs, pill bottle in his other hand.

He was so frustrated with himself.

He wanted to die so bad but couldn't bring himself to do it.

He was scared.

But why?

This was all he ever wanted, was for the pain to stop, yet here he was struggling to take another handful of pills.

He had already downed 10, all he needed was another 2 handfuls and he would be free, no more suffering.

He threw the pill bottle at the wall, hearing them all scatter around his room.

He leaned his head against the door, and sobbed harder. He couldn't even kill himself, so fucking weak and pathetic.

After he seemingly ran out of tears to cry he did what he did almost every night.

He patched his thighs up and lied in his bed either staring at the ceiling or trying to distract himself with things on his phone.

He went to bed with a horrible stomachache that night from the pills he ingested

Maybe next time he'd be brave enough but for now, all he wanted was a nap, hopefully without any nightmares.

-☆.✧*-

Sorry I've been writing a lot of angst yall, I'll try to throw in some fluff or smut or some shit sometime soon lmao 💀