𝓓𝓮𝓯𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 || 𝓗𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓴𝓪 𝔁 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔁 𝓘𝓵𝓵𝓾𝓶𝓲

𝟚

I surprisingly woke up on my own accord, and very early at that. It was 4:38 in the morning and the sun wasn't out yet. I decided to lay in bed and attempt to fall back asleep, as the warmth from it was quite alluring. It made me want to snuggle up in the blankets and never wake up.

It's not like I ever want to wake up when I fall asleep but we do not question things in this household.

Just as I had fallen back asleep, an overly irritating sound filled my ears. It seems Clara remembered to set the fucking alarm. Fuck my life. 

She got up and made her way towards my desk to turn it off. I had rolled over to the side, falling off of the bed in the process. Today was the day I would be leaving for the hunter exam, and I was very enthusiastic if you didn't clearly notice it.

Clara made her way to the room she shares with her mom, poor thing, to get dressed and ready to eat. Everyone had agreed to wake up early in order to have a family breakfast for the last time before I leave, as I might hopefully not come back alive, and it is Christmas in a few days and I sadly won't be able to spend it with them, as the exam starts on January 7th and it is currently December 23rd. I plan to spent some time with Natsuki as the poor guy might have to spend Christmas alone. It will be a 2 day journey to the Zaban city, considering we live quite far, so I hope I make it in time to accompany the poor dude.

I picked up some random clothes from a corner and got dressed into (any warm outfit of your choice so you don't freeze to death <3). I packed my bag  with around 10 different outfits and other necessities, because who wears the same thing for over a week? I decided to wear my boots with built in roller skates that I can take out any time so they can just be normal running shoes.

After I was done packing I came aware of the fact that it is already 5 am, and that I should hurry up If I don't want to be late. As soon as I came downstairs I noticed breakfast was already done and everyone was waiting for me. " Good Morning" I said quietly as I made my way towards the end of the table. Everyone greeted me as well, except mother, and we all started eating breakfast.

I had been halfway thru my meal when my mother spoke up " Do you seriously plan to eat all that? You had been gaining quite a bit of weight recently." I just stayed quiet and finished my meal quickly. I ran to my room and locked the door.

Why am I surprised that she didn't change? She never does no matter how many times she promised she would for the sake of MY mental health. I  had been a pretty skinny child until I reached 3rd grade. That's when my weight went up from 20 to 25kg. Everyone told me it's normal and that I shouldn't worry about that, and yet I randomly started gaining weight and my metabolism wasn't as fast as it used to be. Mother started making comments about everything I ate and it was bothering me by a lot. Sometimes she was joking, and I repeatedly asked her to stop, and sometimes she was dead serious. 

Either way she made the 8 year old me insecure about her weight even tho it was most muscle weight. You can't train like an assassin and expect the muscles to weight nothing. I might know better now but it still hurts. I wonder if I was more girly people would like me more? Maybe I'd have a boyfriend or a husband, almost everyone my age does anyway. Maybe mother is right. I should eat less. No one likes girls who eat a lot. Or maybe I'm just surrounded by uncivilized swines. Its probably the second one, could be both.

I  went towards my make up bag and took out my razor blade. Who knows, it could come in handy. I hid it in my back pocket so I wouldn't be tempted to cut. It's not worth damaging my skin for this.

I came back down to say goodbye to my family members, and then later I would head to meet Kairi by the bus station. In order to get to Zaban city I have to travel by bus for 8 hours, and then by a boat for 20, and then around another 10 hours to get there by another bus, If there aren't any complications that is.