I Love You, My Neighbour

Chapter 25: Burnt Breakfast

KRISTY

It's over.

Maybe if I repeat those words to myself often enough, I'll be ready when Logan walks into this kitchen and says them aloud.

Or not.

I slump against the kitchen bench, feeling sick. The smell of the greasy breakfast I'm cooking for Logan isn't helping either. I won't be able to eat a bit of it. Then again, I had no intention of eating it when I drove to the supermarket this morning to buy ingredients. No, my sole purpose has been to purchase something I could distract myself with. Unfortunately, standing in front of the stove flipping eggs and bacon does nothing to distract me from the conversation I know is coming.

I can't stomach what is about to happen. I'm not ready for this thing to be over between Logan and me. And no amount of repeating the words 'it's over' will make this any easier. It won't change the fact Logan will never kiss me, hold me, or make love to me ever again. All because I lost control of my emotions last night and revealed how I feel about him.

Nothing can erase my memory of the look of horror on his face as he caught a glimpse of my real feelings for him. And nothing can erase the pain that ripped through me as he held me last night and whispered Izzy's name.

Over the past few days, I've stupidly started to convince myself that his feelings for me are starting to grow into something more than friendship. But he's never cared about me as anything more than his friend. If he had, he wouldn't be about to shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces. I mean, he's not even letting me into his bed. So why did I think I'm anything more to him than his friend? His fuck-buddy?

The only reason things have ever been as hot and intense as they have been between the two of us is because Logan has missed sex and I've been more than happy to help him catch up on lost time.

Cricket, who has been lying on the kitchen floor, next to my feet, sits up suddenly and I know that Logan is awake. My dog has followed me around all morning, resting his head on my lap whenever I'm sitting down and in general lending me some needed comfort.

Things have certainly changed between Cricket and me, and I lap up all of his affectionate gestures.

"You're up early."

Just the sound of Logan's voice sends a delicious warmth up my spine – a warmth that I have no right to feel considering he is about to end our stint as lovers without a backwards glance.

I turn around to see Logan standing in the doorway, my gaze glued to his half-naked body, sculpted chest, and arms for a moment before I get a hold of myself and force my eyes upwards. I see the dread on his face and decide his expression mirrors my own.

"Morning," I say, pasting a fake smile on my face – something that I hope will stop him from seeing how much pain this whole situation is causing me.

I am certain he doesn't quite know how deep my feelings for him have spiraled in the past couple of weeks, and I am certain he doesn't know that I am head over heels in love with him. But he knows enough to make this whole conversation terribly uncomfortable for both of us.

I don't think I've ever dreaded anything as much as I dread the upcoming conversation. I've hoped that this inevitable conclusion to our arrangement would come later rather than sooner – or at least when I am ready to move away and I wouldn't have to see him all the time.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask.

"Ah," he scratches his head and leans against the door frame. "Not really. Did I disturb you? Have you been up for long?"