Puppy Love • Seungchan

•⊱•••• 6 ••••⊰•

Eventually Seungmin sighs, and Chan startles as Seungmin speaks.

"If you're disgusted by me or hate me for what I'm about to say, I'll understand, but since we're being honest, I liked you before Jeongin. In fact you're the reason I became friends with Jeongin in the first place"

A wall of defence for his brother passes across his mind, but he smashes it back down out of curiosity for his own heart.

"It was the first day of school, that's when I first spotted you. My homeroom teacher was giving us a tour, and he took us to the school rink and I saw you laughing with your team and I fell..."

Chan's eyes widened. "You fell for me on your first day?!?!"

Seungmin nods. "As crazy as it sounds, I did, and from that very first day I wanted to know you, I wanted to be friends with you even though you were older. But that was my problem...you were four years older than me. I was like: How the fuck am I meant to become this guy's friend let alone something more?"

Chan puffs out through his nose. "So then you what, targeted my brother to get to me?" He hadn't meant for his question to be aggressive, but judging from the way Seungmin shrunk back the tone he'd used was a little too direct. "In-ah used to call you his stalker...I always thought he was just messing about but maybe there was some truth there?"

Seungmin places his hands on the table, picking at his watch. "I never really thought of myself like that. But, admittedly he wasn't wrong...I kinda was there for a bit. I was only 12 years old, and I guess I just knew I had to get to you and your brother seemed like the perfect way to do that, even if it meant s-stalking him for a bit- fuck I sound like a creep..." Seungmin pauses as he smacks his cheeks "...but-"

Seungmin halts his words.

"But what?"

Seungmin takes a deep breath and looks up into Chan's eyes. "But then I got to know your brother, and we became friends, genuinely. What started off as a means to get to you opened me up to a friendship with Jeongin." Seungmin pinches his lips together, "Look, I never expected to fall for him but when he first kissed me out of the blue it was exciting and we were really close at that point so dating him just kind of felt right. So I shelved my feels for you"

Chan's heart drops a little at that, but he tries not to let it show.

"By the time J and I went our separate ways you were already in college, so I never unpacked my feelings for you again, I had no reason to. But I guess you've always had a cornerstone in my heart and I think deep down I knew you'd never completely leave my mind...you can't just forget your first crush, they're always there like the smell of rain or the warmth of sunlight on a sunny day-"

"That's poetic," Chan mumbles.

Seungmin waves his hand, "It's the writer in me...but anyway. When I ran into you after having come down from Jeongin's room the other day, I was reminded of those feelings I had for you, and it wasn't until I left the following morning that I realised I never wanted to let them go...I don't want to let you go. But that's selfish of me isn't it? I befriended your brother, fell for your brother, broke his heart and then circled back to you only hours after I kissed your brother again. Does that make me an asshole Chan? Am I an asshole for wanting you?"

Chan takes a deep breath just like Seungmin did before and places his hands on the table, mirroring Seungmin. "It's odd, but I don't think you're an asshole Min. I can't blame you for the path you've taken in order to be here today. You're only human, and I'm sure maybe under other circumstances, say if we had been the same age when you first met me for example, maybe we would have been together first. But we're not the same age...I'll admit I used to be jealous of your relationship with my brother, but then I'd remember there was four years between us and being 12 and 16 we were both at very different stages in our lives. So I can see why you struggled, because I did too"