She came in with those people and at that moment I realized my self estime hit bottom, I was having moment called breaking point I was unable to think anything at that moment I picked up my glasses earphones was still in my hands 'cigarettes after Sex' was playing, and I leave. it was past 2 still I leave and start walking not knowing where I'm going just mindlessly walking around empty road creepy men were passing by dogs were staring but I was not in condition to be afraid of them.i just want to go away. Didn't wanted to be seen by anyone. Eyes were wet head was heavy but I was just walking away from that place so called home. Then phone starts to ring and I realize I'm in middle of road vehicles were passing by some people were staring may be bcz I was in pajama hair were messy. At that point I didn't knew what to do ,I just went in convenient store and ask for temporary markers don't know why I don't even have board at home I don't even need that still bought marker and bottle of ink. Luckily had enough money in phone pay. Don't know where to go what to do just know that my phone is ringing and my back of my throat is in pain,telling me to cry out loud. That's when I realized I'm a 22 year old woman who has left home and now I'm all alone here without money without self estime and I can't do anything. creepy men staring at me, I realize how helpless I'm that I can't do anything. I headback holding my tears took the longest way where there's no one to see me. Again plugged in earphones get in house and start cleaning up first floor then kitchen, did laundry organize my already organized drawers and closet. This whole time I didn't cry it was just my painful feelings. I don't know why I did those all things. I'm just empty right now. My mom was saying something but I didn't remember what was that just remember the same disappointment in her eyes when she look at my brother and father. I don't want to disappointment any one but I want feel alive. I've been lonely since I don't even remember, my self estime always have been low but now it's just not there whenever I see someone know about me, my basic behavior how I live how my family treats me, I fear to let know about me to anyone. I've fear to be exposed though I'm just me. I just don't want anyone to know anything about me. I just don't.
DU LIEST GERADE
dark side
SonstigesI have habit of writing down when my emotions are at peak:/ and I'm bad at expressing:]so it's just for those people who can't form words for their feelings!!! and that's me; this are my raw emotions* who knows we might heal each other^^
