Meet Me Where the Ocean Touches the Sky

Chapter 2: Rome, Dermot Kennedy

When I stop the car outside my sister's house, Charlie's eyes are still closed. There's a soft smile on her lips. I wonder what she's thinking about. Is she still picturing the stories I've shared or imaging one of her own? She's so relaxed that I can see the lines that the grief she's experienced has left on her face. And because I don't want to interrupt this moment, I continue.

'Recently I sprained my ankle. My actual fucking ankle because Mila had decided it was a lot more fun to have her bath on the tiles. I slipped and fell. Luckily, I wasn't holding her brother.'

'You sound so clumsy, Danny Heller!'

'No: I'm cursed when I'm around her. That's different. I swear it's the cat!'

She opens her eyes and stares at me. It's starting to get dark outside. Her baby blue eyes look almost black. They're full of secrets I'm dying to know.

I can't help but study the rest of her. My eyes fall to her lips again. I've missed her. All I've wanted for the past few years was for her to come back and to pick up where we left off. I have dated during the time she's been gone, but it never felt the same. I don't want to talk or catch-up or pretend that I haven't been waiting for her all this time. I just know that I don't want to waste another minute.

'I've missed you; you know?'

There's a light that goes off in her eyes when I say that. But I can't tell if it's because she's about to cry or if she's simply moved. When I thought about picking her up from the airport, seeing her again, I didn't think that we'd spent nearly as much time confessing how we feel. We've probably exchanged more truths in the last hour than over the course of our friendship. Not that we used to lie to each other, but we were very private about our feelings. Partly because of Tom. At least for me. Maybe that's what death does: it shows us what really matters, pushes us to finally say these things we've kept to ourselves. It shows the love that exists and remains after someone is gone.

So in a way, I'm not really surprised when Charlie confesses: 'I was in love with you...'

Was...

'I think you knew that. I even think that you loved me too. So what does it say about us that whatever we felt then wasn't enough?'

My instinct is to argue with her. Claim that it doesn't mean anything. That things were different. That we were both going through such extreme circumstances. But I also see her point. I did love her. And I've never been able to truly move on. I couldn't make her stay either. She never asked, maybe because she knew the answer, but she also never asked me to go with her. Part of the reason is obvious: I was a painful reminder of everything that she'd lost. I still have my family, my sister, the same life. I could have had the girl too. But her? I think that staying for me somehow would have meant that a guy could compensate the loss of her brother.

My attention is caught by someone turning on the light in the front room. I look up just in time to see Mila's face at the window overlooking the driveway. From here I can clearly see her big smile. She leans down for a minute, out of sight, and reappears with Skye tucked under her arm. She waves at me excitedly.

'You must have earned some brownie points with her: she seems very excited that you're back.'

'Oh, I never said anything about Mila! To her I'm the greatest uncle in the whole wide world.' I pause, then take us back to the conversation we were having and selfishly add: 'For what it's worth, I never stopped loving you.'

I don't give her the chance to respond. I leave the car and grab her bags from the boot. Charlie follows me inside, where Mila is waiting for us with Skye.

'Danny!' she squeals. 'Look at Skye!'

My niece proudly holds her cat up. The poor thing has got glitter on her fur and a pompon hanging off her tail.