Lights Are Missing (PART 1)

1.

The sound of the busy, yet not productive, classroom filled my head. Laughing and talking, even whispering I could hear behind me, was what most of the room was full of, though the occasional sound of a desk moving slightly as someone leaned against it could be heard too.

My eyes scanned the room, sorrow filling me quickly as I realized why I stared outside so much. Trying to make friends for the first time as a 17 year old is tough. Well, not the first time, I did when I was a kid, but they moved away or found out that hanging out with the kids on the soccer team was a much cooler thing to do.

My eyes slowed to a stop when I saw Soobin, then Yeonjun, then Taehyun and then Kai. I tried to listen to them over the rest of the kids, but I couldn't hear anything other than the overbearing sound of the girls behind me, giggling, likely talking about the new guys they'd fallen in love with. Though, I guess it was better than complete silence like in my other classes.

I was stuck reading lips, something I wasn't very familiar with. I never needed to, I never wanted to. So of course, I wasn't good. Occasionally, I'd pick out the obvious words like 'okay', but anything more than that went way over my head.

Sure, I could learn how to read lips and just get to know them that way, but I'd have graduated by the time that happened. My only choice was to talk to them, but that wasn't even a choice in my head. That was almost a foreign language.

My last class was my best class, not only because I got to sit next to the window or that I got to fantasize about being friends with people, but because my teacher would always let us have the last 10 minutes of class to ourselves because he was too tired of teaching.

He was gone to the bathroom at that moment, meaning that the kids were going to be much more rowdy, though it was pretty tame. For a split second, my mind told me to get up and just leave, but when you're at school, that's what everyone's mind tells them to do. Instead, I just turned my head and looked back outside. The cloud was far gone, even leaning wasn't going to give me a glimpse.

I felt something hit my shoulder. I looked over the shoulder that had been hit, and I didn't even have to look very far until I saw who had thrown whatever it was at me.

Kai was laughing, holding his stomach as Taehyun was hitting his shoulder repeatedly as he too laughed a bit too hard for the situation. I looked down at the floor, a crumpled up piece of paper rested by my foot. Confusion washed over me. Did they do it as a cliche bully kind of thing or was it just to get my attention? I didn't know, but I did look at the group for a bit too long.

Then, Yeonjun stood up from his desk, walking over to me. Not that it made me feel any better, but maybe I'd get closure. Or I'd get made fun of. Either way I just wanted to go home.

"Hey, Beomgyu, sorry about them. They just saw you staring and wanted to get your attention." I felt a little better as Yeonjun closed in on me, knowing that they weren't doing anything to be rude. My shoulders dropped slightly, but then I quickly tensed back up, knowing that I'd have to actually speak to another person during a spontaneous conversation.

I took a breath, "It's fine." I spat out, trying to get him to walk away as quickly as I physically could when it had finally processed that he actually knew my name. It didn't seem real to me. I mean, sure I'd had this class with him all year, and I had gym with him for half the year, but still, him knowing my name seemed a little uncanny.

"Why were you staring?" He asked as he placed a hand on my desk, leaning in a bit. That's when I got scared. He was asking me something out of the script. I didn't know how to answer, or what the answer was.

I quickly came up with an excuse, "I wasn't looking at you guys, sorry. I was looking at the notes on the board." It was a pretty clever excuse in my opinion, but I guess to him, it wasn't fooling him. He just laughed.

"You wanna come hang out with us after school? You have a bike, right?"

That was something I never in a million years thought I'd ever hear, especially from him. All I could do was stare into his deep brown eyes, the shimmer I saw in his eyes was something I never knew I wanted to see up close.

"Yeah, I guess I could." I gave him a faint smile in return. It was unlike me. But then I had another thought at that moment, something that hit me harder than anything else. Maybe it was a joke.

Hitting me with the paper, then to ride our bikes around and then get me stranded in the middle of nowhere or something like that. Sure, I'd never heard of them doing something like that to someone at school, or at all, but I was the prime demographic for all bullies. Someone who was quiet, someone who didn't have friends, and someone who would be too afraid to speak up against the bullies or tell a teacher about it, so the bullies actions would never come to light.

But even with that being said, I'd rather be upset at gym and physics having to see the guys who pulled the wool over my eyes rather than be upset at gym and physics having to see the guys I could've been friends with. The risk was something I was willing to take.

"Cool. Well, you can walk with us to get our bikes, unless you have to stop at your locker then you can just meet us down at the bike rack." He nodded to me, his shoulders falling back a bit as he stood up properly and turned to walk back to the other guys. I felt something inside me spark. Maybe it was watching him walk away, or maybe it was the feeling of actually having something to do after school, or maybe it was that the world was finally listening to me, but I actually felt a bit of happiness.

To be honest, it was a bit strange, a bit ironic in my mind. I had just been thinking about how alone I was, how much I wanted friends, especially them, and then not only did they acknowledge me, they asked me to hang out with them. It didn't feel real.

I did have to stop at my locker, but I could go without it. My books and bag weren't really important. I couldn't miss them. I couldn't be too late and show up with nobody there to ride bikes with. I needed to have a good first impression. I felt good about it too.

I felt like if this wasn't a joke, if these guys actually liked me, that things would go as planned. I'd be able to laugh with them at gym class. I'd be able to ride my bike with them after school every day. I'd be able to do all the things I'd never gotten to do before.

Yeonjun reached the other guys and said something. I wished I could read lips. My body was tingling, reaching over to grab my pencil to shove it in my pocket so that I wouldn't lose it. Then I looked back up and saw Soobin smiling at me. I smiled back.

His smile seemed genuine. It felt like something I could rely on.

I felt good about it. For the first time in forever, I felt like I had someone to lean on, a shoulder that I could rest my head on. In reality, I had 4 people to lean on. I felt good.