The Survivor Queen

Twelve

~Edited~

*LONGISH*

Ch. 12

~Lily~

After a good few minutes, that felt like hours so I have no way of telling how long we actually sat there, I calm down into only a hiccup now and then. The tears are dried on my face and I'm unable to wipe them away. I'll have to wash them off before anyone sees.

Jasmine rubs her hand up and down my back, quietly humming and rocking back and forth slightly. Music calms me down. We learnt that about a month and 3 or 4 episodes after the first one. My mom used to sing to Liam and I to settle us before bed, so it makes sense.

I slowly sit up and sniff, my nose congested from my crying. "You okay now?" Jas asks softly. I nod and wipe my face. She slowly helps me up and walks me back to the pack house. We take a back staircase up but she stops where it branches into a hallway at a landing.

"I'm gonna grab some bath bombs from one of the omegas. Can you get to your room yourself?" She asks kindly. I nod and sniff again, my nose less congested now. She nods and leaves me there after making sure I'm stable enough to walk.

I'm suddenly exceedingly tired for some reason. It's not even dark out yet. It must be around 3ish. We had lunch at 1. I step out the door at the top of the stairs and close it behind me. I turn and walk down the halls until I reach my room.

Except, instead of just seeing my door, I see the back of a tall man with curly brown hair. I take a deep breath. He'll have questions I can't answer. Not yet anyway. I let out a long breath and walk around the corner, trying my best to ignore him. I know I look like a mess right now and I still feel bad about telling him to leave.

He must smell or hear me because he turns with a worried look on his face. "Max! There you are. I was worried. Liam told me I should leave you be so I came up here. I needed to be by your scent to make my wolf know you're okay."

I gulp and try to slip by him to my room. At least he didn't go into my room. "Hey, I just want to be sure you're okay." He says in a softer tone, trying to see my face. I sigh, "I'm okay. Please leave me be. I want to be alone right now."

I quickly turn and close the door. I immediately feel guilty. He doesn't deserve that. But my pride is too much to open the door again. It takes me a good minute to even listen to see if he's out there. His scent is still close, but he's not outside my door.

Crap. He must think I hate him. 'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.' I tell myself as I hit my head on the door. I push myself off and walk to the bathroom. I really just need some alone time for now. There's dirt on my midriff and my arms from the forest. I'm still in my work out outfit. My tank top is stained with dirt now.

I pull it off and turn on the water. I look in the mirror and see my ponytail is halfway fallen out and it has sticks in it. I take my hair out and brush through it. The whole time I'm preparing for my bath I'm being eaten up with guilt for how I acted towards Callum. He doesn't deserve that. I didn't even think to clarify I meant I wanted him to leave me be for now, not forever. It seems irrational, but that's how my brain is deciding to process this.

I sigh as I hear a knock on the door to Jas's room. "Come in." I call. She steps in and turns off the water and plops in a large pink strawberry scented bath bomb. "You feeling better?" She asks, testing the water with her finger.

I nod. I quickly strip and sink into the water. At this point Jas and I have seen each other naked multiple times. After shifting or just changing in front of one another. "What's wrong?" She asks as she starts washing my hair.

I sigh. Nothing gets past her. "I feel so guilty for how I acted to Callum." I say to her. "Don't. I'm sure he understands. You were obviously upset and needed time." I shake my head while her fingers massage my scalp.

"Not in the forest. Well, yes in the forest. But when I came up he was standing in front of my door. He said Liam told him to leave me alone for a little while, but Callum's wolf was going crazy so he went by my room to convince his wolf I was okay."

"He just asked if I was okay and I told him to leave me be. I didn't clarify I meant just for a bit, not forever. Now I'm worried he thinks I don't want him. He probably knows what I meant, but I can't stop myself from thinking that." I explain. I can sense her nod. "Well, after you feel calmer and more ready to talk, I say go to his room and explain the best you can. You don't need to tell him why you get the episodes, just tell him you feel bad and that you do want him as your mate. There are things you don't need to explain."

"No need to spill your heart out to him on the first day you meet. Just explain the basics. That you get these episodes sometimes, that you were upset, and you didn't mean you don't want him, you just wanted alone time. If you want you can say more, but don't feel obligated to."

I turn my head to look at her. "You're good at this therapist thing." I joke. She grins. "Thanks. I've been practicing." I bark out a laugh. "On what, the rabbits?" She gasps dramatically. "How could you, this is my one dream and passion! Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a rabbit therapist!"

We burst into a fit of giggles, once we recover I finish scrubbing my body and Jas washes out my hair with clean warm water in a cup. I get out and dry myself, stopping before I go to change.

"Thank you. Really. That really helped. Do you know where Callum's room is? I want to talk to him." I ask Jasmine. She smiles. "I'm glad I could help. My mom put him in the room across from yours. I think she suspects something." Jasmine laughs out.

I shake my head with a smile. That's why his scent didn't seem far. He went into his room. I leave the bathroom and go to change, grabbing a pair of grayish purple sweatpants and a simple cropped green colored t-shirt.

I pull my wet hair into a braid and pull two strands out in the front. Normally I wouldn't care if I look like a bald rat from the front before bed, but I'm going to talk with my mate, I should look maybe a little presentable.

I take a deep breath and glance at my clock. 4:30. Dinner should be at 5ish, so I have time to actually talk to Callum before then and the meeting. I step into the hallway and walk across it to Callum's room. He hasn't been here long, but this room definitely had his scent.

I lift my fist to knock but it freezes mid air. Just before I turn to go back to my room the door opens. I'm not short, I'm 5'8", but I had to look up to see his face. He's easily 6'2"-6'3". He looks at me expectantly.

I sigh and grab my arms. "I- I wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that before." Before I can continue he steps to the side to let me in. I walk in and look around. This room is similar to mine, but with dark green walls and gray sheets.

I turn to him and he's standing there with a blank look on his face. I guess I deserve that. "I really am sorry. About the forest, and in the hallway. I wasn't saying I wanted you to leave me alone forever. Just for a while. I'm sorry I didn't express that."

I look up at his face again to see the smallest hint of a smirk there. I can't tell if he's actually smirking at me or if that's his natural smile, but I guess I can't really question it right now. He walks over to his bed and sits on the edge, patting the spot next to him.

I walk over and sit. He turns to the side to look at me, now concerned. "What was that? I was really worried." He says. I turn my whole body so I'm facing him with both my legs on the bed. He mimics me and faces me.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't really know what they are, honestly. Jasmine thinks they're panic attacks. I'm not sure but I'm starting to think so too. They get triggered when something too closely related to-" I clear my throat, "the attack- is brought up. This time it was Alpha Tyler bringing up Ferals."

"Who knows about these?" He asks, leaning closer. "Jasmine, for one. Alpha Tyler and Luna Riley might know. Maybe the Betas. A lot of times I leave abruptly and Jasmine follows." I take a deep breath. This is a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, and that worries me. I don't want to suddenly spill my entire life out to this man who is virtually a stranger. Or maybe I do.

>*<>*<>*<

A/N: Ayyy, communicating feelings. Nice. Lmao

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