Homewrecker (lgbt hockey romance)

(𝟟)

Han had been right about the boxes : it felt good to be in an organized environnement.

Sorry.

Raquel had been right about the boxes. I took piles of books and put them down. It calmed me down, calmed the complete mess that was my heart.

The complete works of John Steinbeck, in the box.

Had I been falling for a lie ?

Old editions of Indian Creek Chronicles, in the box.

I had simply done what felt right to me. Being with Raquel felt right. Talking to her felt right. Laughing with her. Watching her on the rink.

Clothbound Frankenstein, in the box.

Kissing her. Kissing her had felt right.

And god, with her deep brown eyes on my body, I had never felt so aroused.

I dropped the box. Looked around me ; the closet where Jocelyn stocked books she couldn't fit in our tiny library was closed. I was alone, the library closed as well, exept maybe for our cat, mouse, chasing feathers of dust somewhere on the shelves.

Slowly, very slowly, my fingers slipped on my chest.

On the soft curve of my belly.

Under the waistband of my skirt.

Under the dentelle –

The anxiety was still here, lurking at the back of my head. Liam looking at me. Emily laughing at me. Even Alex hugging me.

I let them go, one by one. And focussed on Raquel's hands on my chest, on my waist, when she had found me in the crowd, when she had found me after the march, when she had found me, this winter morning in the snow, kicking a tree. She had always found me.

I stroked, playling around, going back and forth. It didn't feel amazing, but it was good. It felt good.

I did it because I wanted to, and there was absolutely, defienitly nothing wrong with me.

※

– Alex ! I have something to tell you !

I bursted in Alex' room, a confused mess of plants, beauty products and film posters, but she wasn't here. Red cheeks, hot fingers, I had just come out of the library closet, and I felt more than good.

– Alex ?

I had found the door of the flat open, but inside, the living room was dark and silent. I headed to the bathroom to wash my hands.

– If you're hiding behind the sofa to make me loose my shit again, it's not going to work !, I shouted. Now, get out, I have some important news !

Washing my fingers carefully, I kept going : I masturbated today ! And I felt just fine ! And do you know how I did it ?

I grabed a towel to dry my hands : I just thought about Raquel Wong, Alex ! I just thought about her, and it worked, because I think I don't have a crush on Han, I have a crush on her ! That's why my brain was mix–

– You masturbated thinking about me ?

My mouth shut and my throat turned dry. I knew this voice, this low soft voice that made my stomach curl like Mouse when we lit the fire in the library.

– I'm not breaking into your house, said Raquel Wong. Alex opened. She told me I could wait for you.

Very, very slowly, I turned around.

Raquel was leaning against the doorframe, her hair in a bun, still wearing her sage sweatshirt, eyes glowing, amused smile.

My face was a slow fire. I was so embarassed I forgot I was supposed to be angry. All I could think of was her eyes, not stopping one second from handling my gaze.

– I – I mean – hum.

– Hum-hum ?

– Hmmmmmmm.

Raquel smiled widened. How could she smile ? I was angry at her. I was so, so angry.

Raquel has had a crush on you for the longest time.

Oh, god. I was going to kiss her. And then, I would kill her.

– Raquel, I said. I'm very mad.

– I know, she said, and her lips were on my neck.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

It felt so good. It felt like bubbles, like champagne bubbles.

– Do you like that ?, she asked, lips on my neck. I know you hate me, Chess, but, please, can I continue ?

– Oh my god, I moaned as her hands slid through my shirt. I hate you, but please continue.

She didn't need much more. She left my poor, burning neck, and her lips were on my curves, on the cold skin, on the hot skin, on the soft skin and the hard skin. Her tongue was drawing pentacles around my belly. She was bewitching me.

– I, she said, panting, am gonna make you feel so much better than just good. That's what I want, Chess, to make you feel. Do you want this too ?

– Oh, my god, yes, I moaned again as her lips slid slowly lower, and lower, and lower.

Her tongue was exploring valleys of dry skin, and then wet skin, and wet skin, and wet skin.

That's what I want, I thought, as the universe started burning in my ears and shifting in front of my eyes.

That's what I fucking want.