If love could win

The piano room

"Are you anxious sweetheart?" I replied in a soft voice, trying to calm him.

"I had a nightmare," he replied. He was breathing fast. I wondered if he was experiencing an anxiety attack or maybe a panic attack, rather than just some anxiety.

"What about?" I asked. Talking was good.

"You," he replied.

"Me?" I asked.

"You died. You were in the car crash and you died. I could not save you," he rambled. "I could not save you. You died in my arms."

"Wille," I said. That made him quiet down.

"Yes?" he replied. I heard him sob a bit.

"I am not dead. I am here on the phone with you," I said softly. "And I am safe in my bedroom, just like you. I promise."
"I am not in my bedroom," Wille replied. That made my heart beat faster. Where was he, if he was not in his bedroom?

"Babe, where are you?" I asked. I got worried. Wille was in a state of dissolution and he was not in his bed.

"I am on my way to your place," he replied. Wille was actually crazy, I thought. It was freezing cold and the roads were not good this time of the year.

"And where are you?" I asked again.

"By the football field," he replied. I remembered the night when he called me high as a mountain from that field. I was scared out of my mind that night. That he had overdosed on something or hurt himself. That he would freeze to death before I got there. Now, he was at least sober. Or at least I assumed he was. I sat up and got my jeans from the floor. I would have to go and meet him. He was not from Bjärstad, and I was pretty sure he would get lost by himself.

"Okay, crazypants. I am coming to get you," I said. "Can you stay on the field so that you don't get lost?"

"I have google maps on," he said. "I can just follow the directions."

"Honey, when have you followed directions?" I asked him. He had his bodyguards and a driver who basically took him where he needed to be when he was not at Hillerska.

"I did that night when you saved me from the football field," he replied. I had gotten my hoodie and a jacket on, as well as my beanie and mittens. It was snowing outside.

"And where were you going then?" I asked.

"To you," he replied.

"And that did not end well, do you remember that?" I replied. I got my shoes on and my keys and locked the front door behind me.

"I got distracted," he replied.

"Just wait for me there, okay? I am there in like five minutes," I said.

"Okay," he replied. I heard that he was still crying. I walked faster towards the football field than I had ever done. At the same time I tried to keep Wille calm on the phone. I did not hang up until I saw him, just a few metres in front of me. He threw himself into my arms and I hugged him tight. Let him hold me close for a moment, before I took his hand and led him home. When we got home I told Wille to be quiet to not wake up my mom. I then helped him out of his coat and scarf and I guided him quietly through the laundry room to my bedroom. We both went straight into bed, without removing any clothes. It was so cold outside and we were still freezing. I gently held him close and let him dig his face into my hoodie. I caressed his back gently with my hands and kissed the top of his head.

"You are safe now love," I whispered. "And I am here with you. I am never going to leave you, okay?"

"Erik left me," he replied. "And he promised me to never leave me, but he did anyway." I knew that his nightmare was most likely about his brother.

"He did not leave you by choice, Wille," I replied. I felt tears in the corners of my eyes. "If he could have chosen, he would still be here with you. I promise." Wille cried against the fabric of my purple hoodie. I figured he had not let himself cry enough after his brother died. My mother always said that tears had healing powers. I had been quite a sensitive child and I cried a lot, until I did not anymore. I cried when my father was drunk and scary. When Sara was bullied by idiots at school. When people teased me for singing and being gay. Then, one day I decided that I did not want to show myself vulnerable anymore. At least not in front of people who could use that against me. I had decided to never care what anyone thought about me again. Wille had lived with that facade that I put on a few years ago for his entire life. No wonder why he was an anxious mess.

"Promise you never leave me, Simon," Wille said.

"I promise. You are stuck with me," I said.

"Good," he replied. I caressed his back gently until he fell asleep that night and then I also fell asleep.