From Aliya to Hafiz

Fourteen.

"Let go!" I threw his hand off and staggered back, breathing heavily. My back was drenched in sweat as my fingers trembled. "Fuck!"

"Hafiz what's wrong wit—"

"Shut up!" I hissed and shouldered past him. I pushed open the door to the room I was inhabiting and turned around to look at him. "Like that didn't happen before," I smiled derisively.

He looked taken aback.

"But what do you know?" I whispered.

His eyes widened, expression a mixture of worry and confusion. Gritting my teeth, I slammed the door enough to bring it off its hinges.

"Unbelievable!" I punched the wall, the sharp pain chasing away the last remnants of my panic attack.

"Unbelievable," I whispered, slumping down to the floor and leaning against the door. I drew my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head between my knees, pushing my kneecaps against my ears to muffle the sound of my panting.

"Somebody...he...lp...me..."

...anybody...

*******
"No way right? He's a boy?"

"He looks more delicate than my little sister!"

"Why's he so dark though?"

"Does he have like, a disease or something? So ugly!"

"I know! My big brother calls boys like him wussy!"

"Haha, what does that mean? It sounds cute."

"I guess it's sort of like a sissy? Pussy? Or a wimp? Anyway, boys like this in their school are made to wear female clothes because there's nothing manly about them at all!"

"Sounds fun!"

"Hey, I think you'll look pretty good in female clothes! Wanna try?"

The world blackened, and a different scene flashed by. A young boy, dressed in a pink dress and flailing about in a pool; drowning.

And yet they looked on, laughing.

They were always laughing.

"Always remember, everything is her fault."

"Never forget Hafiz, you were just a convenience for me. Something to throw away after being used, worthless."

"Amina never loved you. She did it all for the sake of money and status."

"She's bewitched your father."

"Even your father hates you, why else is he never around?"

"I alone love you Hafiz, only me."

I just wanted it to go quiet.

The jumbled voices, the laughter and jeers, why can't it all just disappear?

Why?

*******

I opened my eyes to a dark room.

It seems I had a dream, I couldn't remember what it was about though. Or maybe, I didn't want to actively think about it.

Dragging my sore body off the ground, I trudged to the bathroom to take a hot shower. The number of things a hot shower couldn't fix was minuscule after all.

When I was done, I dressed in loose royal blue silk pyjamas before throwing myself on the bed, groaning when my sore limbs protested. I searched around for my phone and brought it up to my face.

12:09.

"Shit, no wonder I was so fucking sore. I slept like that for six hours!?"

Worried I might die from stunted blood circulation or something, I stood up to do some stretches and light exercises to get my blood pumping. After a set of eleven stretches, I felt much better so I decided to go downstairs to scavenge for food.

The house was quiet, with all lights off. I had to go back to my room and get my phone to use as a flash. When I entered the kitchen, I rummaged through the fridge for something edible and normal.

I found nothing.

There were only raw ingredients in there, I didn't fancy myself a caveman.

Slapping the door shut, I flashed around the kitchen when a grey food warmer caught my eye. I walked over and pushed it open to see a generous serving of spaghetti lying inside.

Thankful as fuck, I circled the room for a fork and plate, fixed myself a cup of tea, and hopped on the counter to eat.

When I finished, I washed my silverware and set them to dry below heading back to the staircase. Before I could go up though, I noticed soft seeping out from the door a few feet from the stairs.

It was their mosque I think.

I walked over and pushed it open, before stepping in and closing it behind me. I saw Aliya leaning against the wall by my right, eyes focused on the book she was holding.

My entrance broke her attention and she looked towards me, the confused look in her eyes turning to surprise.

"You're awake?" She whispered.

I walked towards her and sat beside her, leaving two feet of space between us. "Yeah. Why are you here? Couldn't sleep?"

"Yes," she went back to looking at the book in her hands. The Arabic words appeared blurred under the warm orange light. I took my gaze away, unwilling to take another glance.

"Wait, you're inside our mosque!" She suddenly gasped, jumping to her feet. "You can't be in here! You need to leave," she said firmly.

I frowned, mood souring. "Why?"

"You're impure," she said earnestly.

Normally, I would flare up at that. But I was drained tonight so I just smiled blandly. "That so? How?"

"Well for one, you don't purify yourself after intercourse," she said solemnly.

"Pft!" I laughed. "You mean sex? Who the fuck says intercourse at this age and time?" I asked, amused.

"You shouldn't say that in the mosque," she chided, sitting back down again. "Medical students."

"What?"

"Medical students, they say intercourse."

"No they don't, I have friends who are doctors," I chuckled.

"I don't think your friends count. They should all be hedonists like you," she muttered.

"I'm not a hedonist," I snorted. "You shouldn't call others that, it's offensive."

"And trying to hit your father in the face is disrespectful."

"You saw?" I froze.

She said nothing.

I also kept quiet.

It took a moment before I managed to say a sentence, "I didn't realise."

"What are you doing here? You should leave," she said in reply.

I made myself comfortable by sliding down and lying on my back. "Don't mind me, just carry on."

She threw me an annoyed glare before standing up and moving to the other side of the room. She then began to recite.

Though I couldn't quite decipher what she was reading, the humming sound lulled me to sleep. I was woken up by a foot nudging against me.

"Wake up and go back to your room," Aliya gazed at me from above before heading for the door.

I stood up and strolled after her, admiring how small and short she was. I wanted to fit her in my arms, to see how well she would settle.

Probably compactly.

She reached her room first and she entered without looking back, closing the door softly after her.

Shaking my head, I entered the room opposite hers. Still woozy from my earlier nap, I fell asleep the moment my head touched the pillow.