The Crybaby of Pimpleback Mountain

Part 1

"Attention Campers. Attention Campers. Everyone, report to the mess hall for the annual roller skate-slash rollerblade rink extravaganza."

In the mess hall, the picnic tables were pushed against the walls and folded up. Dim colored lights and a cracked mirror ball that had been left over from when Camp Kidney had been open during the peak of disco shined down on the otherwise darkened room from above.

This was the one time of year when the campers were allowed to bring out their skating gear, and use it on the mess hall floor. The scouts were clad head to toe in skating protection--helmets, knee pads, elbow pads, wrists guards, ankle guards, and even a face shield (on Samson, that was). And under Slinkman's cautious watch, the boys skated monotonous laps around the cramped room, awkwardly pausing and passing others in a predictable manner.

Including the camp's lone platypus, who was leaning on the lid of a cobalt colored, wheeled recycle can. He glared as the others passed him effortlessly.

The Loons zoomed by on their roller blades. "Your skating parter's looking a little blue there, Edward," said Dave.

"It's rather sad," laughed Ping Pong, "how the self proclaimed 'toughest' bean scout can't even stand himself up on a couple of blades, afraid he'll fall down."

Dave sighed at his brother. "You just had to ruin the joke, didn't you?"

Edward growled as the Loons skated away.

But it was the orange spidermonkey who soon came by, doing figure 8s around him, that really made his blood boil.

"Hey Edward, hold still for a minute!" called out Camp Kidney's most notoriously talented scout. "I just learned how to do a triple axel!"

Edward looked up just in time to see a staunch-faced Lazlo skating directly towards him, at top speed. "Oh no, oh no, oh no--LAZLO, STOP!"

Edward ducked, laying his face down on the trash lid, bracing himself for impact. But before the stunned expression of onlookers, Lazlo used his momentum and flung himself into the air, spinning three times right above Edward's head. He landed dead-center on his stakes a foot away, gliding away safely.

His Jelly Cabin mates were taking a time out by a table that worked as the makeshift refreshment stand. "Way to go, Lazlo!" Raj called out.

"10 out of 10!" cried Clam holding up a board with "X su X" on it.

Stupid show off, Edward thought. Just wait until I can skate laps around him.

Though Lazlo was definitely his primary antagonist, he wasn't the only thing making Edward mad. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time. Even Samson was struggling to stay on his blades on the turns, but carried on without the embarrassing assistance of a trash can.

Even Samson can do this, stupid easy, he thought with burning frustration. Why am I humiliating myself like this? He thought, before turning his trashcan skating buddy around and heading away from the moving circle, to the side of the room.

However, like usual, Samson's pride was short-lived. In front of him, one of the Lemmings was headed in the wrong direction. The gray guinea pig avoided the collision, but his leg swerved too far to the left, trying to get out of the way. And before he knew it, he was face first on the ground.

Plenty of the campers had fallen down that day, and had got right back up and chuckled. This would've otherwise been uneventful. Many of those collective tumbles had been from Samson himself. But this was the first time all day he'd fallen on his side, instead of his backside. The campers circling around him skidded to a stop once they noticed that Samson did not help himself up right away.

"Are you OK, Samson?" asked Raj, skating over to him on wobbly legs.

Samson sat up, softly sobbing, his eyes filled with tears. "My leg... it's cut" And he turned over. A layer of his skin on his thigh had been taken off by the wooden floorboards of the mess hall, leaving a strawberry colored scrape.

Supervising the activity, Slinkman noticed the injury right away. "Nobody panic! Nurse Lesile gave me first aid training!" he called out, rushing across the floor with a box with a cross on it, to tend to Samson's injury. Raj left the scene to let the scoutmaster's assistant take over.

"Okay, this is gonna sting a bit," Slinkman told the nervous looking Samson.

"Ow! Ow, that hurts!" the scout cried, a single trickling from his eyes as Slinkman applied a pad to the cut. But due to Slinkman's gentle touch, repairing the cut was much less painful than it could have been.

"I know, I know," he told Samson, "But it'll stop soon, I promise."

True to his word, the pain did subside, and Samson's tears with it.

However, they hadn't been lost on Edward.

"Darn, I'm out of bandages," Slinkman muttered. "Hang on, scouts! I'm heading to the office, and I'll be right back! Everybody, play safely!" he shouted as he ran out of the mess hall.

"What a crybaby," the mocking platypus muttered, rolling over to the side of the room with his trascan skating buddy to peel off his blades. "A tiny scrape and he starts with the water works."

If anybody else had overheard, they didn't take action. However, the Jelly Cabin trio had heard, and Lazlo decided that Edward was not going to get away with it. With his friends, he skated over to Edward, this time cooly and without flair. "Don't you think that's a little mean? Samson got hurt."

"You call THAT getting hurt? I've taken worse roadrash to the face on a weekly basis--I have four older brothers, you know. And they weren't afraid to be rough."

"That doesn't make it right to tease him about crying." Lazlo argued. "Everyone does at some point."

"Not me," Edward stated, looking at his cuticles, boredly. "I haven't cried since I was in diapers, and I don't plan on shedding a tear again until I'm on my deathbed."

Raj was getting visibly angry. "You act like you're such a mister-macho-tough-guy! Why do you have to pick on everyone?"

"Why do you have to be Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes all the time?" Edward asked. "Oh, that's right: Because crybabies stick up for each other!"

"Raj is not a crybaby!" Lazlo shouted back. "Take that back!"

"Sure he's not," Edward smirked. He was already feeling satisfied with himself, seeing Lazlo getting angry--it wasn't easy to get him riled up. But now that he'd started this debate, he wanted to see how far he could take it. "Like I'm sure any of you Jelly Cabin cupcakes could totally outlast me in a competition to see who would cry first."

"I know I'd last longer than you!" Lazlo shouted.

Raj and Clam looked at each other with uncertainty. "Lazlo," Raj started, tentatively, "What exactly are you agreeing to?"

"Is that a bet?" Edward asked.

"You bet your bottom dollar it is!" Lazlo declared.

The scouts 'oooo'ed. Now a majority of them had stopped to watch them turn the debate into arrangements for a competition.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Edward?" asked one of the loons--Dave, to be specific. "Lazlo was the closest to winning the Pinecone Sitting Competition against the Squirrel Scouts. Pain doesn't seem to be a factor for him."

"That's baby stuff, anyway!" Edward said, flicking his wrist. "I got a better idea. If you think you're such a tough guy, Lazlo, I double dog dare you to hike up the hot side of Pimpleback Mountain!"

Lazlo folded his arms across his chest. "That's not so scary."

Edward smirked. "Barefoot."

The monkey's eyes widened, and the bean scout body made a collective gasp.

Raj and Clam came running to his side, hugging him tightly. "Lazlo, you have to back out of it!" the elephant boy cried. "I heard that after midday, the sun makes the hot side of Pimpleback mountain hotter than magma!"

Samson, who's fall had started the whole argument, came to Lazlo's side. "Don't do it, Lazlo! The mountainside is covered with pinecones and sharp sticks and jagged rocks! Sharp, spiky things that turn a man's feet into a pin cushion!"

"Erg, acupuncture," Clam said, looking at Lazlo with just as much worry.

"Besides, you'll get in so much trouble for leaving camp!" Raj added.

"I don't care," Lazlo told them. He turned back to Edward defiantly. "I accept the dare."

Everyone in the room gasped.

"BUT," Lazlo specified. "I TRIPLE dog dare you to come with me!"

"Do it Edward!" Ping Pong cried.

"Please," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "Where do you think I got the idea? All my brothers did that same hike years ago. My oldest brother did half the hike, walking on his hands! This is child's play for someone like me!"

"So it's a deal?" Lazlo asked.

"Tomorrow, at dawn," Edward told him. "Meet me at the east base of the mountain. I'll bring the map and a compass. Just bring your canteen--and leave your shoes! The first scout to start heading back down--or to cry--loses. And will be forever titled the Crybaby of Pimpleback Mountain!"

"Done!" Lazlo agreed. Normally, he'd thrust out a hand to shake on the deal, even if Edward would refuse, but he was so annoyed, he stormed back to the dark end of the room, fuming right alongside Raj and Clam.

As if on cue, the lights for the mess hall came back on, and Slinkman returned to finish bandaging up Samson's cut. The campers then began pulling the tables back towards their normal arrangement in the center of the room, and when they were finished, it was time for dinner.

Since it was heading into the hottest time of year, Chef McMuesli had prepared vegetarian sandwiches with all natural baked chips, to save from turning on the oven and keeping the entire mess hall cooler for the kids.

As they were passed out and the boys finished removing their skating guards to eat, Jelly Cabin sat at a table all to themselves, Raj taking the liberty of grabbing their food.

"Lazlo, you had better eat something," Raj told his friend, noticing that he hadn't touched his tray. "It's going to be a long hike, and you have to be up, first thing in the morning."

"I'm not hungry. I'm angry," Lazlo said, grabbing the edges of his table. "I don't know why Edward has to be this way."

"Hothead," Clam uttered, in between bites. "Angry duck thing."

"He certainly is," Raj agreed. "But you do not help the situation by buying into his ridiculous dare, Lazlo."

Lazlo blinked, and realized Raj was right. He sighed. "I don't know why he got under my skin so easily today. I'm not even sure why I agreed to this stupid thing."

"Well, I wouldn't think of you any differently if you put on your common sense cap and backed out of it," Raj declared. "Let Edward kill himself on the mountain. You are better than that."

Lazlo bit his lip, as a queasy ache in his stomach became more noticeable. He moaned. "Oh, I can't do that now, Raj," he said, quietly. "Jelly Cabin's honor is on the line! Besides, if I quit now, he'll never let me hear the end of it."

"Hey Lazlo, thinking about chickening out?" Edward called from a table across the room. "No hard feelings, buttercup!"

The spider monkey suddenly lost his patience and slammed his fists on the table. Raj and Clam jumped as their trays wobbled.